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about "getting your own way"? Very childish scenario but I have to know!

(17 Posts)
CharitySchmarity Thu 10-Oct-19 10:09:26

Two people, let's call them Jo and Fred, are having a light-hearted argument about the decor in one of their rooms.

Jo says, "I wish we didn't have to have that ornament there all the time, it's too big for the space and it's a bugger to dust."

Fred says, "Oh, but I really like it there, let's keep it as it is."

Jo says, "You seem to think you should always get your own way about everything to do with interiors."

Fred says, "I don't always get my own way, but I really do want to keep that ornament as it is."

Jo, by now slightly exasperated, says, "It seems to me that you do always get your own way - name something in this house that you didn't want that is still here."

Fred says, "Those two pictures in the spare room with a lot of blue in them. I don't think they really go with the decor, I would never have chosen to put them there, but I never said anything because you have the right to choose things too."

AIBU to think that if Fred didn't say that he didn't like the pictures, then he can't really expect that to be counted when deciding whether he always gets his own way? Doesn't "getting your own way" imply a degree of having to fight for it?

(Jo and Fred love each other very much and Fred is very reasonable on all other topics, but his taste in ornaments is... questionable. And he would probably say the same about Jo.)

RhiWrites Thu 10-Oct-19 10:18:02

Sorry, but I’m with Fred. Sometimes my partner wants to make decoration decisions I wouldn’t have chosen but I don’t want him to feel that everything has to be ratified by me so I go with it. I’m not “getting my own way” and there’s been no argument but I’m aware I wouldn’t have chosen (for example) dark red walls in the spare room / office.

Butchyrestingface Thu 10-Oct-19 10:26:14

AIBU to think that if Fred didn't say that he didn't like the pictures, then he can't really expect that to be counted when deciding whether he always gets his own way? Doesn't "getting your own way" imply a degree of having to fight for it?

Semantics. I think you’re being a bit unreasonable here, though not saying Jo is BU about the overall situation.

MamImHere Thu 10-Oct-19 10:26:25

Sounds like jo is trying to get their own way by using a bit of emotional black mail

Sonders Thu 10-Oct-19 10:27:01

I'm with Fred. It seems daft that you'd need to register a mild disapproval, even if you're totally happy to let things pass, to add to a tally for a future disagreement 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hahaha88 Thu 10-Oct-19 10:28:37


DonPablo Thu 10-Oct-19 10:30:12

I think Jo and Fred should just go to bed.

summersherewishiwasnt Thu 10-Oct-19 10:31:36

I think that the fact that Fred didn’t tell you he didn’t approve of the blue pictures shows a high level of tolerance for what he is not that keen on. Apathy I suppose. The ornament he has told he likes it where it is. I think neither are BU.
Petty tiff, not worth a row.

NoSauce Thu 10-Oct-19 10:31:53

Indeed Hahaha88. The things that people start threads about these days!

GettingABitDesperateNow Thu 10-Oct-19 10:36:03

Why is Jo dusting Fred's nasty ornament?

AmIThough Thu 10-Oct-19 10:37:13

Does Jo dislike the ornament, or does Jo dislike dusting the argument?

It doesn't sound all that lighthearted if Jo is getting exasperated...

CakeAndGin Thu 10-Oct-19 10:37:23

Did Jo voice her opinion on the ornament before it was placed? Otherwise her argument for Fred and the paintings is pretty hypocritical.

If Fred likes it so much and Jo thinks it’s a bugger to dust, Fred should dust it. If Fred can’t be bothered to dust it, then he mustn’t be that attached to it.

HollowTalk Thu 10-Oct-19 10:44:18

My mind is boggling at the idea of a massive ornament. Can we please have a pic? (I'm thinking of that scene in Friends where Monica pays the removal guys to smash Chandler's ornament (was it a huge white horse, or have imagined that?)

CharitySchmarity Thu 10-Oct-19 10:50:55

I did say it was childish!

You guessed it, I am the "Jo" in this scenario. I did indeed suggest that Fred should dust his own bloody ornament and believe it or not, he's happy with that. I said he's reasonable about most things. IA probably BU about the rest of it.

It is possibly relevant that I have a sibling I didn't really get on with as a child, and our parents used to "arbitrate" between us and try to keep things fair, as in "she chose this time, you choose next time." He's an only child and tended to like the same things as his parents anyway, so he never really developed that sense of rivalry.

There are a lot worse things a partner could do or say!

Panic over - well, it was never really a panic, more a musing.

TetherEndReached Thu 10-Oct-19 10:51:44

Just give Fred the damn duster.

CharitySchmarity Thu 10-Oct-19 10:52:16

@HollowTalk it's not as big as that, but it is in several pieces (I mean it's meant to be, I didn't smash it in a fit of pique!)

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles Thu 10-Oct-19 13:33:11

Things like this can be tricky. DH and I recently had a similar VaseGate - I love the vase and placed it in the centre of the coffee table. DH, however, does not like the vase and when I went to bed, he put it on the windowsill so not directly in his eyeline. The following morning I put it back on the coffee table. That night (yes this is how sad and childish we are blush) DH put it back on the windowsill, and hid it behind a curtain. Next morning the vase moved back to the coffee table and the table was moved right next to DH's "spot" on the sofa. And so on. I'm just waiting to stay awake longer than him so I can put the vase in his car smile

We are quite fond of The Vase now.

Perhaps you could start something similar with the ornament? Or the WeBuilt household alternative of rock, paper scissors? (if it doesn't go your way, don't forget to say "best out of three"). We have settled lots of things this way and sometimes make the DC use it blush

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