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Absolutely terrified about starting new job ,can't stop crying and shaking.don't know what to do.

(168 Posts)
linnyb71 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:28:34

This is my first time posting so don't know if I'm in the right place. But I just need some help.I've had a really bad year,got made redundant from a job I loved, got another one but it was awful as I was being bullied ,stuck it out for 6 months but couldnt take anymore and left and got another job which I thought would be better for me as it was quite similar to the job I got made redundant from but it wasn't. It was horrendous. So here I am just about to start yet another job this afternoon and I don't think I can do it.the thing is I'd be letting people down if I don't go.also there's the financial implications. I'm so lost just feel like running far away.I'm in a terrible state.I don't even know why I posted this here,just wanted someone to talk to I guess.any help would be very welcome right now.I had a breakdown once before due to work and I'm heading the same way again.what shall I do?

Coldhandscoldheart Thu 10-Oct-19 09:32:52

Take a deep breath and put the kettle on. Even if you don’t drink tea.
Now wash your hands and face in warm water. Take another deep breath.

8by8 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:36:00

Honestly I think call in sick today - make any excuse you need to (Norovirus is a good one, they’ll know you can’t possibly come in this week).

Then call your GP for an emergency appointment.

You are suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. This is not ok and you need to get help.

linnyb71 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:46:22

Thankyou so much.it helps knowing I'm not alone.I know this sounds so daft but my daughter is asleep in the next room and I've messaged her on Facebook telling her how scared I am and I don't know if I can do it.I know she would understand if I can't go through with it but I can't let her down.also I've been on universal credit for 3 months before I got this job and my work coach said my claim will stay open for 2 months and if the job didn't work out then to let her know but I'm so afraid that if I try to reclaim then I'll be sanctioned. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.I've tried ringing the doctors but all the appointments had gone for today.so I will try again in the morning I guess.

NoSquirrels Thu 10-Oct-19 09:48:05

Deep breaths.

What is it you do for a job? Will talking it through here help at all?

LightandShadows Thu 10-Oct-19 09:51:37

You can do it and you will be amazing at it, well done for getting as far as you have, it's just one more step up on the ladder.

Could you get some rescue remedy spray to help calm?

Coldhandscoldheart Thu 10-Oct-19 09:52:08

You have had a nice job before. You’ve developed experience from the two...not so nice... jobs in between. You can do this. You may need some help from your GP and maybe some counselling/CBT, but you can do it.

Aprillygirl Thu 10-Oct-19 09:52:21

Oh you poor thing. No wonder you feel so anxious after having such a bad time in your last two workplaces. The bullying, especially will have affected your confidence badly no doubt. But just remember ‘OP’ you are a strong woman and you can do this. You’ve been unlucky recently but this could turn out to be the job of your dreams. The worst thing that can happen is that you don’t like it, in which case you leave, head held high, proud of yourself for giving it a go. You are in charge of your own destination and you will not put up with any shit ever again but you will never give up. Good luck OP. I really hope you have a lovely day x

Seeline Thu 10-Oct-19 09:52:42

Think about it in small steps for today. Plan as much as you can.
Do oyu know what to wear - is it all set out so that you can change just before you go?
Do oyu know how/when you are going to get there - plan hte route/bus stops etc. Make sure you build in some extra time so you don't run late and arrive in a panic.
Do you know who to ask for when you arrive?
Do oyu need any equipment etc?

Small steps. Just get over each one in turn. Today won't be nearly as bad as you think.
Tomorrow will be easier.

Rachelover60 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:55:23

linny, I really do sympathise with you. In the past I have felt as you do about jobs.

You will eventually find the right job but in the meantime, do what this poster suggests:

8by8
Honestly I think call in sick today - make any excuse you need to (Norovirus is a good one, they’ll know you can’t possibly come in this week).

Then call your GP for an emergency appointment.

You are suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. This is not ok and you need to get help.

User7429001 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:59:24

Give yourself some credit you have had a tough time and shown your strengths in keeping going. Be kind to yourself silence the inner critic and celebrate your achievementsflowers

Piffle11 Thu 10-Oct-19 10:01:53

You CAN do this. You are presuming things won't work out, imagining things being bad. I know how you feel because I've been there. Years ago I found out my DH of less than a year was having an affair: he was often out of work and I was supporting him by doing temp jobs, which I hated. I am an anxious person and starting a new job - finding out where to go, getting on with new colleagues - is always a massive problem for me (temping is not great when you suffer from anxiety!) DH left just as I had completed the interview process for a full time, perm job: they rang and offered me the job, I accepted, and then the day before I started … oh god, it was awful. I was getting myself into such a state, crying, worrying that it would go wrong, would the bus be late, would I be able to find the place (job was in a different town, not where I had been interviewed),would I get on with people, would I be able to do the job, etc. I worked myself up into a frenzy. But I pushed myself through it … not easy, but I did it. And the first day is the worst: it gets easier and better. I made a lot of friends in that job and I'm so glad I didn't miss out. As others have said: one step at a time. That's what I do when I get anxious about something … step 1, get ready. step 2, drive to X, step 3 … etc. It actually works for me, rather than getting overwhelmed by thinking of it all at once. And that's what's happening to you: you're getting overwhelmed and projecting/presuming what could go wrong. Please try not to cancel or call in sick: all this will do is prolong the worry, and then you have the extra worry of wondering if they think bad of you for cancelling! Do it, and you will feel much better! You can't give in to anxiety, accept you have it, and try and cope with it. If you give in every time, you will never be able to handle it - it will always beat you. Good luck xx

linnyb71 Thu 10-Oct-19 10:02:22

I work in retail.so not a professional role as such.but I think the state im in now is down to a combination of a lot of things .had a big family fall out earlier in the year ,changed jobs twice,and lots of other things.I've just reached the end of the line with it all.its all got too much.it took so much guts for me to go to the interview and I'd just be throwing it all away and end up in aN even worse mess.had all sorts of thoughts going through my head last night and this morning.about just not going at all,or pretending to my daughter that I've been, but just running away ,I don't know where though. Retail is very stressful and although I've always been a strong person I think it's taking its toll.I'm so pathetic and my daughter deserves better,she's not a child anymore but it's only been the 2 of us for so long.I'm such a failure.

yulet Thu 10-Oct-19 10:04:24

I think you can do this, and after the first few minutes of terror, you'll feel so proud of yourself. It's like addressing a phobia.

Really deep slow breaths. Keep counting to ten. Slow your breathing right down. And take it one step at a time.

For example: You will have some tea now. You will shower and get dressed. You will travel there. You will say hello to people and see your desk. You will have some water and keep taking sips. You will go to the toilet and take some deep breaths. You can back out at any point but you probably wont need to. If you feel too awful you can leave, you're not trapped in the building.

Just a warning, anxiety medication can make it worse for the first few weeks, but it can really help in the long run.

bibliomania Thu 10-Oct-19 10:05:35

I hate starting new jobs - my brother says he loves it because nobody has any expectations of you at the start. Just set the bar very, very low for success on day 1. If you (a) find your desk (or equivalent - I realize not all work is desk-based!) and (b) find where the toilets are, then pat yourself on the back and consider it a successful first day.

I know a pp suggested that you make an excuse and not go in, but my concern is that avoidance just backfires - that you'll feel even worse when you do eventually have to go in. Doing something and seeing that it's not quite the hell you pictured is generally the most helpful approach.

ongranaryplease Thu 10-Oct-19 10:05:44

I’m going to go against the grain and say do not call in sick, it’ll only put off this feeling and you’ll feel it even worse when you actually have to go in.

OP you are not pathetic or a failure. Look at how much you’ve had thrown at you this year and you’re still bouncing back. Like everyone else said, tiny steps today. You CAN do this OP I promise flowers

ongranaryplease Thu 10-Oct-19 10:06:40

And I agree - take advantage of the fact you are ‘new’! If things go a bit wrong today, it’s your first day, it’s allowed to happen. The fact you made it in is a victory in itself smile

NoSquirrels Thu 10-Oct-19 10:08:17

You’re NOT a failure.

You might need some support to get through this tough time - antidepressants or CBT or both. Strategies to help you cope. But you’re NOT a failure.

As you say yourself - you’d be throwing it away if you don’t go today. Avoiding what is making us anxious is usually one of the worst strategies.

Plan things in small steps as posters suggest.

Have a cup of tea.

Reassure yourself it’s just today. First day of the unknown is worst.

You can tell people at work you’re nervous first day on the job - people will understand. You don’t need to be perfect, you need to be present and personable to customers.

You can do it.

What time is your shift?

yulet Thu 10-Oct-19 10:09:08

You're also not a failure. Life isn't a test. All we can ever do is keep going.

linnyb71 Thu 10-Oct-19 10:09:49

Piffle 11.thankyou,that's exactly how I am at the moment. My face is sore from crying,I'm shaking,my heads pounding.I'm frightened about who I go to when I get there cos I just got told to report to the shift leader and I wasn't told who that was and I'm scared I'm gonna have to wander round looking like an idiot not knowing who to ask.I know I sound pathetic ,I hear myself thinking it and I wanna slap myself.I know I should pull myself together but I'm really struggling.

LightandShadows Thu 10-Oct-19 10:11:32

You are Not a failure you had a few things you needed to work out and you have got through them, you have picked yourself up and carried on.

You had the interview, you got offered the job over others who also had the same interview.

You new bosses can obviously see how good you will be at the job they offered you.

yulet Thu 10-Oct-19 10:12:38

This helps me sometimes: can you try to treat yourself like you would treat your daughter?

Be really gentle and wash your face. Stroke your hair and say "it's okay, there there". Can you try that?

If you say "beep bop beep bop" is sometimes makes you 'smile' too.

Peridot1 Thu 10-Oct-19 10:12:49

Can you get hold of some Bach Rescue Remedy? I was surprised at how effective it was at helping with that panicky shaky feeling.

yulet Thu 10-Oct-19 10:13:23

And yes saying that over and over can make you feel very daft but it's how I get through things sometimes.

NoSquirrels Thu 10-Oct-19 10:13:51

I'm frightened about who I go to when I get there cos I just got told to report to the shift leader and I wasn't told who that was and I'm scared I'm gonna have to wander round looking like an idiot not knowing who to ask

OK, two solutions.

1) call up now, say “it’s linny and I’m starting new today at x time - just wondering who I should ask for when I get there?”

2) imagine the shop layout/where you went for interview - would it feel most natural to head for a security guard or the tills nearest the staff room, or is there an office entrance. Make a plan for yourself.

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