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A bit upset (Facebook related)

(129 Posts)
Evanted76 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:14:13

I've done a quick name change as I'm actually a bit embarrassed at this myself.
My sister and I are very close. Grown up from a close knit family. Loads in common, both got grown up kids similar ages and have dogs and have similar hobbies and things in common. Whilst we both now live quite close to each other, there was a period of time where both of us lived in different countries. We both eventually returned to the UK.
For me, mainly because of living abroad, I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family. I mainly lurk and will post the occasional cute photo of the dogs, post the occasional photo of the boys on their milestone birthdays, our anniversary etc. I never post random crap, memes or share random crap. When I do post stuff, I generally get a good response from people, probably because I don't post much.
My sister is the nosiest person on the planet. She's a typical people watcher. She spends hours on her phone looking and what everyone is up to, browsing through photos and generally is a Facebook stalker!

However, over the past few months, I've noticed that the seems to have completely ghosted me on Facebook and I've no idea why. I had a milestone wedding anniversary in July and I posted a photo. I got hundreds of comments saying congratulations etc from various friends and family but nothing from her. The same a few weeks later when I posted a really cute photo of my puppy (who she loves)
I've recently had a milestone birthday and the birthday wishes flooded in. I know this sounds so childish but I was a bit hurt when I saw that she had completely ignored congratulating me on Facebook in front of mutual friends and family and instead sent me a text. I know she is still very active on Facebook as I saw she had commented on one of our mutual friends post that was about something and nothing. (she's a beautician and it was about December appointments)
It's got to the point where someone (another mutual friend) has noticed and has asked if everything is okay between us. It sounds so ridiculous but it seems she doesn't like being associated with me publicly. Well I'm saying publicly, in front of our Facebook friends and family.
She's coming over today with my birthday present. Is it worth bringing this up? If so, how?

mynameisMrG Thu 10-Oct-19 09:17:03

If I message someone about a birthday or an event I don’t then also post it on Facebook. If this is a change from her previous behaviour then you could mention it but I don’t think it’s worth getting upset over. If she completely forgot then yes but she didn’t.

Wubbawubba Thu 10-Oct-19 09:23:04

I Have a few friends like you on Facebook I.e. don't post or share much, just 'big' things such as those you've mentioned. For that reason if I interact with them e.g. congrats, happy birthdays, Christmas etc I do it via text or email as I feel if they don't do much on Facebook they'd rather a more direct form of contact. Now I'm wondering if these people think I'm being funny and not wanting to interact with them "publicly" grin

SinglePringle Thu 10-Oct-19 09:27:06

The closer I am to someone, the less likely I am to say HBD on Facebook and the more likely I am to say it privately, via a call or text.

I hate virtue signalling (which is what commenting is when it’s someone you see / speak to / contact via the phone regularly).

Mileymileymoomoo Thu 10-Oct-19 09:27:40

I think you are really over thinking it. I don’t post birthday messages on Facebook if I actually see the person. If it’s family or someone close I will phone or text.

She texted you and is bringing you a present. Is that not more caring / personal than a Facebook post?

Redglitter Thu 10-Oct-19 09:27:50

I was a bit hurt when I saw that she had completely ignored congratulating me on Facebook in front of mutual friends and family and instead sent me a text

What? Are you 12? She sent you a text!! Its not like she ignored it. I think a text is more personal than a FB post. I always text or call family/close friends on their birthday. I didnt realise I was causing offence by not posting on FB too

Mrsjayy Thu 10-Oct-19 09:28:22

You could have fallen off her most seen dodah so you are not popping up on her news feed if you don't post much, try andnot take it to heart people can carelessly scroll through fb like stuff and move on.

Itsreallymehonest Thu 10-Oct-19 09:28:40

I am the opposite; I think for your "inner circle" a personal, private message is much nicer, and much more genuine. She doesn't need to make a public show of wishing her sister a happy Birthday.

frazzledasarock Thu 10-Oct-19 09:29:03

Ask her if it upsets you.

I’m surprised she doesn’t even randomly like your pictures.

Do you comment on her posts on fb?

maddy68 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:29:41

The algorithm may mean she hadn't even seen your posts ...well over thinking

user1493413286 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:29:53

I always text or call my close friends on birthdays and I only really write congratulatory comments on Facebook for people I know less well or don’t want to send a personal message to. To me it’s much nicer to send or receive an actual message rather than someone seeing a reminder on Facebook and sending it publicly.
I think you’re reading too much into this and possibly misunderstanding. Maybe also think about why it’s important to you for everybody to see? does it really matter that other people know you’re close or is the fact that you’re close with your sister and you get a personal message more important?

Cloudyyy Thu 10-Oct-19 09:30:27

But surely it’s nicer that she texted you directly?

DartmoorChef Thu 10-Oct-19 09:31:00

She could have accidentally unfollowed you or hidden you. Tag her in something and see if she responds. It's not really the end of the world.

ZoeWashburne Thu 10-Oct-19 09:32:00

Yes, you should definitely bring it up to her in person so she stops wasting money and time on such an immature and petty friend. You would be doing her a favour. If someone who, after I went shopping, spent money, and took time out of my day to deliver a gift in person complained that I don't give them enough attention on facebook, I would end the friendship. Anyone over the age of 13 should be focused on friends in real life, not performative friendship online.

Step away from social media for a bit. It will help you recalibrate.

A lot of people have left facebook or passively leave their accounts. I went from looking at it multiple times a day to maybe once a week. Especially after the Cambridge Analytica stuff, I rarely post on there anymore. And you do realise that there is an algorithm set up so you don't see everyone's posts. Especially if you aren't super active, it filters what you see so some people only comment what is on their feed.

underground76 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:32:03

I know this sounds so childish but I was a bit hurt when I saw that she had completely ignored congratulating me on Facebook in front of mutual friends and family and instead sent me a text.

It does sound childish, because it is. She wished you a happy birthday. That's all that matters.

You mention that you rarely post on Facebook, only for special occasions. If that's the case, there's a strong chance that a lot of your stuff isn't even showing up in your sister's feed. Facebook doesn't show you every single thing your friends post, its algorithms are selective. If your sister has lots of friends who post loads of stuff all the time, your posts are likely getting filtered out quite often and she won't see them.

Mrsjayy Thu 10-Oct-19 09:32:03

Clearly I meant algorithim and not dodahgrin

Drum2018 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:36:08

I'd say your posts are not showing on her news feed. If she's looking at lots of people's posts/pages regularly and you don't post regularly then her other Facebook friends will have taken over her newsfeed. Not every post shows up from every friend.

ThreeLittleDots Thu 10-Oct-19 09:38:41

My sister and I are very close

Then it won't be a problem asking her, surely?!

Drum2018 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:39:01

To add, I don't send Facebook birthday messages as I feel they are impersonal - it's not as if you actually remembered the persons birthday, you are simply sending birthday wishes because Facebook tell you it's someone's birthday. I prefer to text my family or call them on their birthday.

SurvivingCBeebies Thu 10-Oct-19 09:42:04

I message acquaintances happy birthday on Facebook, close friends and family get a card and a visit.

Crazyladee Thu 10-Oct-19 09:45:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumpypregnanttired Thu 10-Oct-19 09:46:07

Definitely don’t say anything - you’ll sound insane! She sent you a happy birthday text but you’re upset that it wasn’t on Facebook and therefore not public? That’s really irrational. A text is much more personal and a lot of people don’t use Facebook for people they are close to or are often!

Crazyladee Thu 10-Oct-19 09:46:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gingerkittykat Thu 10-Oct-19 09:48:41

A bit of a name change fail there.

Maybe she is not seeing your posts, especially if her feed is huge because she has loads of friends on there.

Crazyladee Thu 10-Oct-19 09:49:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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