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AIBU?

DP insisting we hang out with friends on holiday?

114 replies

mapleleafshiba · 08/10/2019 17:13

So DP and I are currently abroad trekking around South America.

But we've been here 5 days and in that time we've met one of his friends for brunch one morning and another we've been for dinner and drinks with. Sometimes this is fun. But they often ignore me and one was a colleague so they just spoke about work the whole time (even though they're both on annual leave). I resent losing time we could be out and about, I get zero choice in what we do with them and actually I don't always like whoever I'm stuck with. He said yesterday he just likes seeing people abroad

We don't live together currently (newish relationship and he works away during the week) so time together is fairly precious but he does this a lot.

He doesn't see any problem with this and sometimes I don't. But tonight they even went into a bar together after dinner for a beer over the sports match that was on. It was DPs idea but I don't drink, I don't really like this sport at all. I can't really not join them as 1. It's rude and 2. This is a very remote foreign country where I don't feel safe walking around alone so since this was following dinner, I had to join and sat drinking Coke while they cheered at the screen

AIBU to find this annoying? Maybe I'm a complete diva but honestly it grates on me. These are people he sees often and can see anytime (his colleague he actually lives with!) if it were friends he hardly saw and it rarely happened, I'd understand more

OP posts:

Report

Thehouseintheforest · 08/10/2019 17:16

Yes , sorry you are being a bit of a diva. The fact you don't drink doesn't mean you can't join in.

Tbh you sound completely incompatible.

Shoxfordian · 08/10/2019 17:16

How long are you there for? Maybe suggest a romantic meal tomorrow night? It's not unreasonable to meet up with people if you're in the same place. Did he plan to be there with them or is it just random?

MangoSpice · 08/10/2019 17:17

That sounds pretty miserable OP and how coincidental that his flat mate/colleague and another friend were in the same place at the same time. I wonder who you might 'bump into' next?

Maybe I'm just cynical!

BuffaloCauliflower · 08/10/2019 17:20

I don’t think you’re being a diva at all. You’re on holiday with your boyfriend, you didn’t sign up for hangout with mates in bars holiday. The fact he’s being so dismissive of your feelings is very telling on how he sees spending time with you.

LagunaBubbles · 08/10/2019 17:21

Of all the places in the world to visit he's bumped into 2 people he knows? Including his flatmate? Seriously? Surely this has been planned! Especially with his flatmate.

mapleleafshiba · 08/10/2019 17:26

Apparently it's not planned. We're in quite a popular tourist spot. But I agree, it's extremely coincidental.

I enjoy hanging out with many of his friends in my spare time, but not on holiday. I don't get much time off, we both work high pressured jobs and our holidays are precious time together. He sees no issue with arranging meetups with mates and I know he'll feel very hurt when I bring it up. But I think I probably should mention it seeing as it's getting a bit ridiculous how often he's expecting me to do this

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2019 17:30

If you brought this up with me you'd not like th response. You're with him most of the time, he's had one brunch and one dinner and one set of drinks in five days, the rest of the time he's with you.

If you can't accept he's a sociable guy you need to get out, because he's not going to bin his friends off for you and neither should he.

And if this was a man posting people would be shouting controlling and ltb by now.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 08/10/2019 17:30

YANBU - it sounds like you've been invited along on their holiday. Did you pay half and were you lead to believe it would be a holiday for you and your DP, or was he upfront about you joining his and his flat mate's trip?

Assuming he didn't do this - then I'd say tomorrow morning that he's had 5 days of monopolising the joint holiday time for his friends, and that's done now. That you aren't having fun with his mates, you have given him the best part of the week, and can you have the holiday you thought you were going on now please?

More importantly, I'd rethink the relationship - any man you have to tell him to think about your feelings isn't worth making long term plans with. (Holidays do tend to break a lot of relationships, with work commitments, it's usually the first time a couple has spent an extended time with each other and it does show how they really are)

AllFourOfThem · 08/10/2019 17:32

newish relationship and he works away during the week) so time together is fairly precious but he does this a lot.

New relationship, he does this a lot and often you don’t like it/have no say over it. I’d cut your losses and move on from the relationship as it isn’t going to last.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 08/10/2019 17:33

Nope, I think the sexes were reversed, and woman planned a couples holiday, failing to mention to her DP that several of her mates would be in the same place at the same time and that she expected to spend a chunk of each day with them, having not run it past her DP first, she'd also get told she was being U.

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 08/10/2019 17:34

I think YABU and don’t sound like much fun! I’d be gutted if my husband behaved like this on holiday - id definitely meet up with friends if we happened to holiday together and it sounds like the meet ups haven’t been excessive! Agree you don’t sound compatible.

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 08/10/2019 17:35

Should clarify - I mean I’d be gutted if DH behaves how you are (complaining about something minor like dinner with a friend and a drink in a bar!) while on holiday which is meant to be fun!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/10/2019 17:37

He's had a brunch and a dinner with people while you've been away - so 2 meals out of 15?

He sounds quite sociable. I am; I like to see people and talk to them, I often make random friends on holiday. If you really hate it; you might not be compatible.

Surely for one game; you could have thrown yourself into the sport even if you don't usually like it? Just sitting there with a coke makes you seem like a martyr. Join in, chat to people (that he's with or others), experience the place you are.

Loveoddthings · 08/10/2019 17:38

Is SA his home country?

Motoko · 08/10/2019 17:38

Hmm, he doesn't sound like he considers your feelings, which is not good in a relationship.

I think you should try to make the most of this holiday, then dump him when you get home.

sonjadog · 08/10/2019 17:40

How many times has this been? In your OP you mention one brunch and a dinner and drinks. Twice in five days doesn't seem excessive.

mapleleafshiba · 08/10/2019 17:43

Horribly outing but the sport is boxing and I work in a unit for those with brain injuries. I hate the sport. I really don't mind him enjoying it at all

No it's not his home country, he's from the same area as me

Opinions are split so far but interesting responses so thank you all

OP posts:

AuditAngel · 08/10/2019 17:43

I discovered a friend of DD1 was staying near us on holiday. We arranged to meet up for the girls to see each other (we live near Heathrow, they are Cambridge)

DH hates socialising, so I just left him in the apartment (his preference), spent the day with them, they had evening plans.

I wouldn’t mind one or two meetings, but lots would annoy me.

Croquembou · 08/10/2019 17:44

I think this sounds hideous, I'd hate it. For me, a holiday together is time to be a very small unit and pretend the real world doesn't exist. Other people prefer a holiday with friends. Neither is right, but being on the same page as your holiday companion is probably quite important for future happiness...

Aridane · 08/10/2019 17:46

I agree with Bluntness100

midnightmisssuki · 08/10/2019 17:46

You’re not compatible. Sorry.

AlexaAmbidextra · 08/10/2019 17:47

Apparently it's not planned. We're in quite a popular tourist spot.

Like he didn’t know his flat mate would be in the same town the same week? Oh please. 🙄

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Aridane · 08/10/2019 17:47

After all, you don’t have to go to the sports bar - plenty of other things to do (assuming you’re in Cape Town or somewhere similar)

tenterden · 08/10/2019 17:49

It sounds like he sees it as "travelling" and you see it as a holiday.

I don't necessarily think either of you is in the wrong, but as PP have pointed out, you are incompatible.

You say you are in a popular tourist spot so I am not sure why you can't enjoy time on your own? I would be really miffed if I went on holiday with another adult and they needed to be with me all day every day.

LagunaBubbles · 08/10/2019 17:50

Apparently it's not planned. We're in quite a popular tourist spot

Is that what he's expecting you to believe? Him and his flatmate must have talked about where they were going on holiday for a start, that's normal!

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