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To feel terribly hurt by this both myself & on behalf of my DS?

(107 Posts)
Livingtothefull Mon 07-Oct-19 19:30:05

A few weeks ago a cousin of mine whom I was speaking to said 'next time I see you will be at (my sibling's name's) party'. I didn't know what she was talking about but didn't say anything as I assumed would hear in due course - also it was a bit awkward. No date for this party was mentioned.

I didn't hear anything in the interim - then I was speaking to another close relative who said she was 'looking forward to seeing me at the party on Friday'. I said I didn't know anything about it & that I wasn't sure if I could go, she got quite irate with me for suggesting I might not be able to go because of the short notice; 'but we are counting on you being there. Of course you are going'.

I spoke to my other DSis (not the one giving the party - she had been invited sometime ago together with her DC and DH) and said that I hadn't heard any more about it so had assumed I wasn't invited. She just said 'Well I'm not getting involved with that'; this made me think she knew something about the background to this.

Just a bit of context to this - my DS is severely disabled both mentally and physically. To cut a long story short, I often feel he is tolerated rather than truly cherished by my DFamily. That is my perception, I don't know if this is true. But I have had conversations with them before about needing to know about events in advance so that we can prepare DS and also sort out the logistics of getting there.occasions so that DS can be prepared and so we can arrange travel and accessibility.

Either it is assumed that somehow the message would have got to me to come along, or we are not invited - probably because they don't want DS because it is 'not that sort of occasion'. Either option is a bit shit really.

Raspberrytruffle Mon 07-Oct-19 19:33:47

Your not alone dear, my dd is severely disabled and we get the same treatment people assuming we wont be coming. I'd calmly let it go, no good in shedding tears flowers

ThanosSavedMe Mon 07-Oct-19 19:37:08

What utter bastards. What do your parents say? There is no way I’d let this go.

Ihatefootball86 Mon 07-Oct-19 19:38:30

Give your sister a ring and ask. Very calmly and nicely if your invitation had got lost. See what she has to say...

Livingtothefull Mon 07-Oct-19 19:39:29

Thank you Raspberrytruffle and I am so sorry you are facing the same. I am just so tired of being a 2nd division family member and my DS being 3rd division.

Livingtothefull Mon 07-Oct-19 19:41:28

I thought of that Ihatefootball86 though I don't want to come across as if I am angling to get an invite. If they really wanted me there they would have made sure I knew wouldn't they?

Scarlett555 Mon 07-Oct-19 19:45:50

That is awful OP. My nephew is severely disabled and I cannot imagine any of our family leaving him or my sister out of a party invite. Family is family.

I would have to address it if I were you.

Shoxfordian Mon 07-Oct-19 19:45:55

Text her and ask her what's going on
Sounds shit though

Summersunshine2 Mon 07-Oct-19 19:46:03

'Angling to get an invite' wouldn't come into it if it was my DSis.
I'd he ringing and asking (but not accusing). I'd have to know. If I wasn't invited I'd make sure everyone knew.
Your both part of the family.
It would be horrible to be left out for both of you but you would have to think what type of person does that?

Didkdt Mon 07-Oct-19 19:51:24

Have you and your sister had a row?
Are your parents able to offer an insight

Livingtothefull Mon 07-Oct-19 20:02:23

No I haven't had a row with her or anyone & my DPs aren't aware of anything wrong.

Beautiful3 Mon 07-Oct-19 20:11:03

That's heart breaking. Well you cannot go if you haven't been invited, so when people say, "see you at x party" just tell the truth that you dont know anything about it.

mommybear1 Mon 07-Oct-19 20:11:57

OP this is awful clearly your sister had an invite a while ago so yours should surely have been made at the same time. Shocking behaviour- it's very hard but think about what the end result would be if either confronting her or not and how you would feel in both - whichever is the most comfortable one for you ie confrontation and then a strained or NC relationship and go with that one. Alternatively is it worth speaking to your parents to find out what's gone on? I am so so sorry to hear this has happened to you and your DS.

LindaLyndell Mon 07-Oct-19 20:15:32

I'm so sorry that your family have done that to you and your DS, OP. It's appalling. thanksthanks

legalseagull Mon 07-Oct-19 20:17:32

What utter monsters. My nephew is severely mentally and physically disabled and I can't even imagine anyone excluding him or his parents. I'd go NC over this. I'm furious for you

DaveTheGhost Mon 07-Oct-19 20:19:37

Ask her what is happening, this is unbelievably rude

Didkdt Mon 07-Oct-19 20:21:11

I'm sorry. I think intuitively you know the answer is your sister the sort to have forgotten the invite, assumed you were coming or is she the sort who would want to keep your DS away
I am so sorry

LittleLongDog Mon 07-Oct-19 20:22:49

Is there any reason you’re not actually asking her? She’s your sister, msg her/call her and find out what’s going on.

‘I keep hearing that you’re having a birthday party but I don’t know anything about it. Have I missed something?’

solidgoldbaby Mon 07-Oct-19 20:24:11

Sorry but I would lose my shit over this.

What an awful way to treat a family member. I’m angry on your behalf

Prawnofthepatriarchy Mon 07-Oct-19 20:24:34

How upsetting! It's horrible. I wouldn't know how to deal with that. I think I'd be so hurt I'd just curl up in a ball. I'm not much good at confrontation, though.

So sorry. flowers

Oodlesandpoodles Mon 07-Oct-19 20:25:10

I’d send the people organising this party to state that you won’t be attending future events, will not be sending Christmas cards.

And those “family” who don’t want to get involved I would shame them too.

Spineless wankers

Lollypop701 Mon 07-Oct-19 20:27:17

I’m so angry for you op. I would make sure other family knew exactly why you weren’t invited when I turned up at the party with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. I’d then go nc

Marnie76 Mon 07-Oct-19 20:27:50

Text and ask her what she’d like you to bring on Friday and what time the two of you should arrive. Put her in that awkward position. It’s sounds like everyone else wants you there.

Halloumiwrap Mon 07-Oct-19 20:28:18

That is so awful. I would not be able to speak to my sister if she did this or any of my family who didn’t speak up. My nephew is “severely disabled” (although i hate that term because it is all about what he can’t do and what he isn’t rather than focusing on the awesome and funny soul he is) and he is as central to the family as all his cousins and adored by us all!
I really hope you have some lovely and supportive friend’s OP.

Smoothyloopy Mon 07-Oct-19 20:33:50

flowers we have a severely autistic member of the family. Wedding, parties, christenings he's invited to them all. He doesn't always sit still & is not always quiet but we love him & accept him just as he is. I'm so sorry to hear this is not the case for you.

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