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Is my husband right or am I reasonable?

(244 Posts)
Mayjune1 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:51:34

So my husband (who does drink far too much) got very drunk last night. Hes generally sweet as pie when hes drunk (hes soppy not abusive). But when he falls asleep he wakes up a couple of hours later for a wee. But he's not properly conscious when he's in this drunken sleep state and doesnt know what hes doing.
Last night, about two hours after he fell asleep he woke up, was totally incoherent and went downstairs. I tried to usher him back upstairs but he was getting very upset so i let him go down to the kitchen. Where he proceeded to wee all over the kitchen floor and cupboards. I was furious and at the end of my tether with all this. It was late and i had work the next day and i was so upset. So i filmed him on my phone doing it, just to show him what he is like when he gets into that state.
This morning when he woke up he saw the video i sent him. Hes angry at himself for doing this and he admits he was very wrong. He cleared up all the mess. But he seems more angry at me for filming him doing it. He says he’d never to this to me and i am wrong to film him during a dark moment. I told him i only did it to show his sober self what his drunken self is like, but hes so angry with me. Im pretty sure he’s deflecting and i told him so, but he insists hes not, and that I shouldn’t have done it.
Its not like im ever going to post the video anywhere and i genuinely only did it to show him what he’s like so that he can see it for himself.
Am i as out of order as he says i am?

AryaStarkWolf Wed 02-Oct-19 11:53:46

Yeah you shouldn't have filmed him, it's mean and embarrassing, he clearly already felt that way without the video evidence

Teddybear45 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:54:23

Yes you are out of order filming that. A conversation when he woke up and telling him to clean it up would have been sufficient.

steff13 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:54:59

Oh gosh, I think I'd feel very violated if someone filmed me in that state.

MegaClutterSlut Wed 02-Oct-19 11:55:19

Yanbu hopefully it gives him the kick up the arse he needs to see himself like that. To piss all over the kitchen floor and not even know your doing proves he has a big problem

CuriousaboutSamphire Wed 02-Oct-19 11:55:49

Let him stew on it for a few days. He is embarrassed and you are the instrument of that embarrassment. But I doubt he will change his miond, he was 'only drunk' after all!

You are only out of order if you have resigned yourself to living with an incipient acloholic forever!

- I will hold my hands up and say I have lots of experience with drunks and that colours my views on posts where OP has to hide who does drink far too much in brackets. Why did you do that? Was it because you only ever whisper it to yourself?

Are you OK with his drinking or is it becoming a more obvious problem for you?

Shoxfordian Wed 02-Oct-19 11:55:57

Yeah it seems just mean

Perisoire Wed 02-Oct-19 11:56:26

I’m assuming that’s not the first time he pissed himself?

If it’s not the first time then I can understand why you did it.

Did he clean up the piss or did it fall to you?

Mayjune1 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:56:39

I didnt film him for meanness. There was no malicious intent. It was, i hoped, to show him what he was doing

Stripyhoglets Wed 02-Oct-19 11:56:44

YANBU he clearly has a problem to drink like that regularly - you have to witness and remember it - why shouldnt he when he's the one doing it.

AryaStarkWolf Wed 02-Oct-19 11:57:27

I didnt film him for meanness. There was no malicious intent. It was, i hoped, to show him what he was doing

Would he not have believed you if you'd just.....told him?

Quartz2208 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:57:47

Yes the drinks far too much is key here.

IT this a moment where you actually want him to realise the implications of drinking and what he is like if so YANBU

If you did it just to make a point YABU

Butchyrestingface Wed 02-Oct-19 11:57:59


Did you think he wouldn’t believe you when you described what he was like or think you were exaggerating?

Maybe this will be the kick up the arse he needs to sort himself out.

Mayjune1 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:58:10

Its not the first time hes done it. And i was going to clean it up but I purposefully left it for him to do. Which he did

AryaStarkWolf Wed 02-Oct-19 11:58:17

Did he clean up the piss or did it fall to you?

It says in the OP, that he cleaned it up

positivity123 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:58:46

If it was a one off it would be mean to film him. If it's an ongoing issue and you want to illustrate how bad his behaviour is I think it's fine. He's getting himself into this state, not your fault if he can't stand seeing the reality in the cold light of day.

I'd delete the video in front of him as youve made your point but I'd ask him what he's doing to address his drinking. That's pretty bad on a Monday night!

FelixFelicis6 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:59:00

If he generally drinks too much and gets in this kind of state often (?) then no there’s nothing wrong with filming him - otherwise how is he going to see how bad he really gets? I hope he’s mortified, he’s meant to be an adult and he pisses all over the kitchen.....

steff13 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:59:01

Would he have denied it if you told him? Have you deleted the video? It doesn't automatically upload anywhere does it?

Fairylea Wed 02-Oct-19 11:59:12

I think it’s absolutely disgusting behaviour and I don’t blame you for filming it if it’s something that’s happened a few times. Just awful.

Mayjune1 Wed 02-Oct-19 11:59:37

I feel like its got to the point where he needed to see it for himself. Rather than me just telling him what hes done. Surely there has to be consequences for him pissing all over the bloody kitchen? Im so fed up with his drinking

Butchyrestingface Wed 02-Oct-19 11:59:38

Oh gosh, I think I'd feel very violated if someone filmed me in that state.

It takes all types. I’d feel violated by my drunken sot of a husband pissing all over the kitchen units. <boaks>

Zebraaa Wed 02-Oct-19 11:59:45

YANBU- I think he needs to see it!

Hopefully this encourages him to change his drinking habits as nothing else has clearly worked.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer Wed 02-Oct-19 11:59:49

I think if it was a one off then it would have been a mean thing to do. But it very much seems as if it isn’t and you’ve used it as a shock tactic to give him a wake up call about his drunken behaviour, so in that case YANBU.

Butchyrestingface Wed 02-Oct-19 12:01:38

I feel like its got to the point where he needed to see it for himself. Rather than me just telling him what hes done.

I’m cool with that. It’s not like watching a drunk piss all over the kitchen floor is likely to misused as wank material if the footage fell into the wrong hands.

or maybe I’m naive

frazzledasarock Wed 02-Oct-19 12:01:39

If he does this a lot I would have done the same.

Clearly your words didn’t drive home to him exactly how bad his behaviour when drink is, as seeing it with his own eyes did.

I’d tell him I’d do it again and each time he chooses to get so drunk he uses the house as a toilet.

Can’t he drink less so he’s not pissing everywhere in a drunken stupor?

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