Childminders at soft play

[namechanged121]

went to soft play with DC (1&3) don't normally go on a monday and there was maybe 8 child minders that show up, clearly all meet there on this day as they all knew each other...

At first I thought aw how lovely lots of DC same ages as mine for DC to play with but NO the child minders were all to busy chatting and drinking coffee! Children as young as 18 months running round the 3+ area getting stuck! Most of them were crying and being ignored...

Then my DC3 gets into a push along car and a little girl goes over and starts trying to rag her out of the car whilst another little boy is trying to push it backwards so I went over told the little boy to stop pushing it and said to the little girl please don't pull on (DC name) clothes thats not very nice! She totally ignored me and carried on!! Nobody came over so I gently took the girls hands of my DD and said NO! (The little girl looked around 3-4)

As I went to get my DC out of the car one of the women came over shouting why are you touching my DC... I was kind of for a few seconds then just said I asked your little girl not to pull on my child and she ignored me your clearly a child minder and instead of sitting on your ass talking you should watch your kids !! Then to top it of another one of her DC bites another DC whilst shes to busy having a go at me, I couldn't believe it!

Was I being unreasonable to have taken the little girls hands of my DC after asking nicely and being ignored ?! I can't get the look of DC's face out of my head, Iv always taught them to share and be kind at soft play so when stuff like this happens she looks to me for help

[Teddybear45]

Your 3 yo child doesn’t need your help against another 3 yo. In a year’s time they will be starting reception! You were absolutely wrong to touch another person’s child and in many soft plays that would get you banned.

[OkayGo]

I don’t think you were in the wrong.

[IWouldPreferNotTo]

@Teddybear45

It's school not Lord of the Flies, adults are fine to intervene and to tell children to play nicely. Do you really think it's survival of the most aggressive and we should be teaching our children to deliver a swift throat punch to defend their right to use the slide?

[LazyDaisey]

“You were absolutely wrong to touch another person’s child and in many soft plays that would get you banned.”

Utter nonsense. Of course you should stand by and watch one child hurt another because they’re the same age. What gets you banned is not supervising children. Hence why you have signs everywhere to supervise.

[gabsdot]

How did you know they were childminders?

[namechanged121]

Your 3 yo child doesn’t need your help against another 3 yo.

@Teddybear45 so what do you recommend? If this happens again should I teach my DC to hit back!?

[Lauriestory]

I am sure there are many brilliant childminders out there doing a fantastic job but seeing some local ones out with their ‘charges’ locally has made me certain I don’t want to use one.

Without stalking them I am unsure how to know what they are like when out in public.

[Teddybear45]

You let your kids handle it. You don’t under any circumstances lay a finger on another child.

[namechanged121]

@gabsdot they all had 2-4 children each of the same or similar age, so unless they all had twins/triplets/quads etc but then they started slagging of some of the parents to each other so that made it quite obvious...

[WarshipWarrior]

@Teddybear45 are you a childminder? Or just one of those softplay parents that lets their kids run riot?

OP of course you're not in the wrong. Those poor kids being ignored potentially injuring themselves - I bet the parents would be horrified.

[WarshipWarrior]

@Teddybear45 do you realise how ridiculous you sound? Child on the edge of a train platform/bridge etc squabbling. Youd just let them "sort it out between themselves" and not touch them at all even if it saved their lives?? Ridiculous.

[upups]

You ANBU at all, they are the exact same at my local soft play. They get payed to sit and have a chat with their pals while the kids run riot and get neglected. It's horrible to watch and totally puts me off over sending my kid to a child minder!!

[namechanged121]

@Lauriestory 1 or 2 of them were brilliant, watched the kids, played with them and were taking pics saying smile for mummy etc! The rest have put me of childminders for life!

[namechanged121]

@Teddybear45 think thats the worst advice iv seen on mumsnet. Leave my child to sit in the car being ragged about and pushed into a wall and hope they sort it between themselves !

That would make me a brilliant mother wouldn't it.

[seaweedandmarchingbands]

Teddybear45

Never heard anything so potty in my life! If a child is attacking my child, and no adult is intervening to stop them, I will stop them. I shouldn’t have to, but I will. Shit parenting or shit childminding isn’t my child’s problem.

[DontLettuceBrexitLettuceRemain]

You don’t under any circumstances lay a finger on another child

Oh what bollocks

[pjmask]

Sorry but it does sound a bit exaggerated op .... 8 minders so likely 24 kids and most are crying? And being ignored? So 20 ish kids are crying and all are being completely ignored? I think your bad experience (which it undoubtedly was) with one person has clouded your judgement

[CheshireChat]

Of course you manage squabbles between young children, otherwise they just escalate and could really hurt themselves.

DS is huge compared to some of his tiny classmates and they're roughly the same age, of course you don't let them take their chances . NB- DS isn't likely to be violent, but still

[nonmerci]

It's school not Lord of the Flies



YANBU OP, the CM’s sound unprofessional and neglectful tbh.

[NearlyGranny]

I think we oversell sharing to children. You cannot share a ride-on car that's built for one, can you? Two can take turns pushing and riding, and that's an important social skill, but sharing?

YANBU to physically remove another child's hands from your own child as long as it's done gently and after asking. What else are you going to do? I guess you could have called out to know who was the adult responsible for the child and waited, but not if your child was being roughed up.

I intervened once on a beach when a toddler child being ignored by its accompanying adults (two women) stood throwing handfuls sand right in the faces of a mother and two little ones. The mother was apparently too scared to say anything, so I popped up, took the child gently by the shoulders, turned him round and told him, "We don't throw sand at people. Go back to your mummy."

Cue stroppy mum bad-mouthing me for daring to touch her child and making threatening noises re police. I felt fairly safe as there were loads of witnesses and I have enhanced DBS for being around children, so I just told her she needed to keep an eye on her child and manage the behaviour herself if she didn't want others intervening.

They all huffed off the beach very shortly afterwards and nothing happened, but that could have been a trip to A&E for a baby with sand in its eye.

I'm probably just too used to telling children what to do.

[SimonsJones]

Yanbu and I hate softplay. So much fighting goes on and my son is always getting pushed, hit, bitten whilst the other parents are busy chatting having tea. I don't take my kids anymore.

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

Please can I just point out, not all cms are like this.

I’ve had a lovely morning with a friend at the park, one little boy happily playing with her little girl. Not a peep from any of us. There were other adults there with children. Not one of them would have known I was his Cm and equally I didn’t know if they were cms either.

It’s such a shame people only spread their bad experiences. No one knows about all the good experiences, they go quietly unnoticed and unspoken.

[CassianAndor]

PMSL at Teddy.

Sounds grim, OP. I always avoided places with lots of childminders.

[Millie2016]

Sadly in the 4yrs I’ve been a SAHM I’ve developed a very poor view of childminders. I can usually spot one a mile off just by their behaviour and the way they ‘interact’ with their charges. I know it’s not a popular view but it is my own experience. Lots of sitting around chatting and letting the kids ‘get on with it’.
I also would never use one as a result.
I’ve lost count of the times a child has followed us round a soft play desperate for interaction of some sort. I’ve also had to pick up my child and remove them from a situation where a childminder has ‘not seen’ (Ignored) their charge pulling/pinching/pushing etc. It’s difficult if your child is inside the car as you can’t quickly pick them up and remove them when another child is behaving like this.
I know there are lazy parents too, before anyone pipes up.
OP YWNBU I don’t see what else you could have done in this situation.

[Inliverpool1]

You did absolutely the right thing. I’ve picked other children up and taken them over to the carer, explained what’s happened and walked off before now with my own children. If you don’t want other people intervening then watch them yourself