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The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

(489 Posts)
NOFUCKINGNOPE Sun 22-Sep-19 18:34:41

Was driving along before and started whistling to a son on the radio and it made me laugh.

My ex was an emotionally abusive piece of shit but one comment always stuck with me because of how utterly stupid it was.

I wasn't allowed to whistle. Because... Whistling was 'manly' and he didn't like me 'acting like a bloke'.

It was to the point where I would apologise if I ever caught myself whistling and he'd be glaring at me.

There are many many other stupid, illogical, disturbed things he used to say and comment on but this one gave me a chuckle today and I whistled extra loud to the radio grin

CiliatedEpithelium Sun 22-Sep-19 18:37:41

I want to come back.

Ha ha ha ha! No.

NOFUCKINGNOPE Sun 22-Sep-19 18:39:25

I also had 'All the things that you do wrong, I should have just realised that that's what makes you you, and accepted that'.

What sort of backwards apology?

stormsurfer Sun 22-Sep-19 18:43:09

"The trouble with you is you will never just accept the inequality"

TooManyPaws Sun 22-Sep-19 18:46:55

That he was scared to go to the doctor about arthritis in his knee because his father only had one leg. His father had lost that leg in a road accident before he was born....

Lowlandlucky Sun 22-Sep-19 18:48:26

"Can Sarah ( the woman he was having an affair with) and her son come and stay here for Christmas "
" My affairs dont affect the kids"

Aposterhasnoname Sun 22-Sep-19 18:49:21

Too long to repeat verbatim but the general gist was he’d been to the doctor that morning cos he had a headache, and the gp had diagnosed a brain tumour on the spot and given him three months to live.

SunkissedCherry Sun 22-Sep-19 18:49:45

Accused me of being shifty and cheating because I dared to put his can of deodorant in the drawer directly below instead of leaving it on top of the dresser. He didn’t even live with me!

user1493413286 Sun 22-Sep-19 18:50:45

“You’ll never meet anyone who’ll treat you better than I do” Funny that pretty much anyone I’ve ever dated has treated me better including my now DH

ThatssomebadhatHarry Sun 22-Sep-19 18:51:10

Lowlandlucky wtaf?

Hirsutefirs Sun 22-Sep-19 18:51:44

To be fair, whistling does cause storms at sea.

doodlejump1980 Sun 22-Sep-19 18:51:56

Did I want to see his liposuction scars on his man-boobs? Erm. No ta!

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps Sun 22-Sep-19 18:52:00

"Don't bring a new boyfriend in anywhere I go, I'll run him out of town" .

He was about 5ft 7" and I'd have probably leathered him myself 😬

Mumminmum Sun 22-Sep-19 18:52:31

"What do you mean shops are closed on a Sunday?" We lived somewhere where every single shop except for florist were closed every single Sunday and it had always been like that. He didn't know. He also asked me what leukemia was and started argueing with me when I explained it. I must be wrong, I must have misunderstood, that couldn't possibly be the symptoms of leukemia. In the end I asked if he knew so much about it why did he ask me and why didn't he believe me. He said "Because you have just described cancer". And I said "Yes. Leukemia is one of the best known types of cancer". He did not know that. He thought he was intelligent because he was good at math. That was the only subject he was good at. It gave him a serious "inferiority complex that I was not a "one hit wonder" like him.

My DH, on the other hand, is proud of me for being intelligent and well-educated. He looks at me with admiration and says that I am the deepest person he has ever known. If I had known that men like my DH existed I would never have wasted time on my ex.

Sleepyhead19 Sun 22-Sep-19 18:52:58

That he thought having an affair was ok because I’d just had a baby and wasn’t interested in having sex. Apparently this was beneficial to me because he wouldn’t have to bother me.

Lifeisabeach09 Sun 22-Sep-19 18:53:04

"Don't do shots; be a woman."


HeadLikeAFuckinOrange Sun 22-Sep-19 18:53:36

After throwing him out because of his affair:

"Nobody will want you now, washed up with kids and no job - I'm going to sit back and watch you crash and burn without me".

I went and did my degree while DC were small, got into a career I love, met a lovely man and have a good life.
He is 50, stuck in a 1-bed flat since the OW took him to the cleaners. And he has no friends. Couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke grin

Duchessgummybuns Sun 22-Sep-19 18:54:44

“I can’t afford to pay the <measly> child support I promised anymore because my wife has given up working”


Neverender Sun 22-Sep-19 18:54:46

"You fell backwards into the bath."

I didn't, you fucking shoved me about three metres backwards and it's a miracle I didn't have a massive head injury. Bye!

Likethebattle Sun 22-Sep-19 18:55:03

Oh so many as he was a total gaslighting fucker. When I was upset at something he’d say ‘you must be spoilt and used to always getting your own way!’ ‘No wonder I sleep with other women, your tits are tiny, you look like a boy!’ He forced me to have sex and told me I could at least look like I was enjoying it ffs!

PumpkinP Sun 22-Sep-19 18:55:17

When asking for maintenance for our DC as he has never paid a penny (and cms are useless) I got “you don’t have kids to get paid!”

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 22-Sep-19 18:56:46

Not on the same league as PPs but I had a BF who had no backbone whatsoever. He was a complete push over and this was not something I liked. The first time he stood up for himself was when I tried to dump him. He said no.

honeylulu Sun 22-Sep-19 18:57:08

"When I'm a famous rock star, you'll see me on TV and wish you had stayed with me".

24 years later, he isn't and I don't.

Riojasmoothy Sun 22-Sep-19 18:58:38

Too mamy stupid ones but I remember the most sensible...."you're not even a real woman". Very true, I was 16 in an abusive relationship with someone 10 years older, who definitely wasn't and probably still isn't what I'd consider a real man!

MaryBerriesNiece Sun 22-Sep-19 19:00:12

“I’m going to make <insert new partner’s name here> <insert my child’s name here> new mummy. This was after not contacting myself or my child for 5 years and he wondered why I laughed.

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