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WIBU to not go to SIL's (breastfeeding related)

(178 Posts)
heeeeeyduggee Sun 22-Sep-19 12:14:10

Currently have a two week old baby (dc3) who I’m breastfeeding. I never managed to breastfeed DC1 or DC2 for a variety of reasons, and I didn’t actually plan on breastfeeding this time around due to the complications I ran in to last time, so as such, I’ve not yet got any nursing bras or nursing appropriate clothing, and have been pretty much topless every day since dc3 was born as a result of all of my bras hurting/my clothing not really being practical for feeding.

I had a c section and have three DC’s under 3, so it’s going to be at least a couple more weeks until I feel ready to head in to town by myself with all of them and get myself measured for nursing bras (not to mention save up the money for them as they seem to be quite pricey for decent ones!) and pick out some clothes that will be suitable for the breastfeeding lifestyle.

The issue is, DH told me this afternoon that his sister wants us to go to hers next weekend for his nieces birthday. I don’t have the money this week to shell out for bras (not paid until the following week) so going to hers would literally mean going braless, leaking everywhere constantly whilst applying nipple cream every half hour, and essentially getting naked on my top half whenever dc3 wants a feed. Dc3 is prone to cluster feeding in the afternoon, his ‘witching hours’ seem to be between 1pm and 5pm (fabulous timing!) so would be slap bang when we’re supposed to be at SIL’s, meaning that if I went and decided to nurse in a different room to avoid getting my boobs out in front of SIL’s husband and mil’s fiancé (who we virtually never see), I might as well set up camp in there thanks to the constant cluster feeding.

WIBU to just not go? I’ve not yet breastfed in front of anyone other than DH and health visitors/midwives, so feeding in front of dh’s family when I don’t have appropriate clothing or bras yet just seems even more daunting!

I don’t want dh’s family to think I’m being petty (neither SIL or mil breastfed so not sure they’d really understand) and with post partum hormones running wild at the moment, I’m panicking I’ll come across as stupid for not wanting to go right now!

What would you do?

Berthatydfil Sun 22-Sep-19 12:15:53

He can go with your oldest and you stay at home

SleepingStandingUp Sun 22-Sep-19 12:17:25

Tell him to take the youngest two.

Exaplin that 3 weeks post C section and with a cluster feeding baby, you simply don't feel ready. You don't need more reasons than that.

Have thry met baby yet?
How far away is SIL?

Cherrysoup Sun 22-Sep-19 12:18:08

Just stay home and look after yourself and the baby’s needs.

Nottalotta Sun 22-Sep-19 12:18:13

Yanbu. 3 under 3, c section, breast feeding!!

Btw H & M do vests with clip down straps, I used those a lot (small boobed though)

Krisskrosskiss Sun 22-Sep-19 12:18:26

I'd not go. Breastfeeding or not, you've had a baby a matter of weeks ago. You don't need to go anywhere until you feel up to it. Especially when you have 3 under 3, wow! Anyone reasonable would understand. I cancelled loads of plans and missed a few events when I had a newborn... people should know it can be very hard in the first weeks.

PinkiOcelot Sun 22-Sep-19 12:18:41

You really don’t have to get naked. Just wear a top and trousers or skirt and lift the top when you need to feed. Wear a vest top underneath for another layer.
You seem to be looking for reasons not to go. Breastfeeding isn’t one of them.
You could even go and sit in her bedroom if you didn’t feel comfortable doing amongst others.

SmallAndFarAway Sun 22-Sep-19 12:18:47

Yep, DH brings the two older kids and you stay home with the baby. M&S do nursing bras by the way, they're reasonably priced but their measuring service doesn't have a great rep.

Twickerhun Sun 22-Sep-19 12:18:52

Don’t go. Have a migraine, dodgy tummy or similar.

JasonPollack Sun 22-Sep-19 12:19:30

He can take older two. YANBU.

BertrandRussell Sun 22-Sep-19 12:20:21

It’s fine not to go. Dp can go and take your other two.

But aside from that- does your dp have any big shirts you can wear to be going on with? I lived in DP’s clothes at this stage!

WhyBirdStop Sun 22-Sep-19 12:20:52

Send DH with the older children, you stay at home on the sofa, line up a film or TV you want to catch up on, get some biscuits and a blanket and hang out with your baby for the afternoon. I've been where you are and at 4/5 weeks pp also had an infection and developed Reynaud's of the nipple! I also spent weeks topless/braless/with a hot water bottle down my top (helps the Reynaud's).
I found some decent BF bras in H&M if you don't need an underwire, tops too, none were too pricey.

JasonPollack Sun 22-Sep-19 12:20:58

Breastfeeding does get easier, the first few weeks are hard but by 6 weeks/2 months you can easily do it without getting your whole boob out etc

ValiaH Sun 22-Sep-19 12:21:06

I would go online and order some nursing vest top like these www.welovefrugi.com/sale/all-maternity/vest_top_3_peacock_field.htm
www.welovefrugi.com/grown-ups/nursing_1/tops-and-jumpers/saffron_vest_1_space_blue.htm
www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/secret-support-nursing-cami-a9221.html
And then wear a loose top or cardi over.
Saying that, you have just had a c section and are nursing, if you don't feel up to it, that is absolutely fine. I used to do a one up/ one down method with a cheap strappy top under a loose top which I could lift up so that I wouldn't be showing my stomach or much skin when I first started nursing, however now I just tend to wear scoop neck tops and pop a boob out over the top, but it is all about how you feel comfortable, if you are uncomfortable, don't feel you have to go.

BertrandRussell Sun 22-Sep-19 12:21:15

“Don’t go. Have a migraine, dodgy tummy or similar.“

Or just explain.

TerribleCustomerCervix Sun 22-Sep-19 12:21:36

See how you feel later in the week.

If breastfeeding is otherwise going well, you might find your confidence starts to build quite quickly. I remember going out with dc2 (my first bf baby) and thinking Fuck It when he needed fed in Ikea and just trying it. It was fine!

Can you order some breastfeeding crop tops to tide you over until you get fitted for “proper” bras?

Twinkles72 Sun 22-Sep-19 12:23:47

Just tell the truth. You are Uncomfortable going out with the newborn just yet but husband will be there with other two kids. Plus this way your niece won't get overshadowed by the newborn getting all the attention. If your SIL is a normal human being she won't mind one bit.

timeisnotaline Sun 22-Sep-19 12:23:57

You really don’t have to go. Do can take the other dc.
But, when you say you don’t have money, do you mean as a family? Because if your dp has money and you don’t then you have bigger problems.

june2007 Sun 22-Sep-19 12:24:32

I had friends who did a two top system so they had a vest under a tshirt tht gave some dignity. But 3wks post c section you can say your still healing. You can get away with out nursing bras as well.

HumphreyCobblers Sun 22-Sep-19 12:24:50

I wouldn't go, it seems like a lot of stress for you and you are allowed to take things easy!

Having said that, I never ever bought special bras for breastfeeding, just slipped out my arm from the bra strap, lifted my top and pulled the bra down. But feeding in public does take some practice and whilst I am sure you will feel more relaxed and got the hang of it in the future, just go at the pace you are happy with.

ariamontgomery Sun 22-Sep-19 12:25:13

I didn’t even use nursing bras, just normal ones and pulled them down as I didn’t see the point in shelling out! Had no problem. I also didn’t buy breastfeeding clothes but happened to have some button down shirts and dresses. I’d not go to the party anyway though. I hated breastfeeding around people even when covered and so excused myself into spare rooms to breastfeed and just felt thoroughly fed up being stuck in someone else’s spare room breastfeeding when I could be comfy in my own home.

negomi90 Sun 22-Sep-19 12:25:14

I think a 3 week old is enough of a reason not to go in its own right.
DH goes with the older two, so you get a lovely afternoon with your newborn. No drama or fuss. The feeding route doesn't matter.

NoSquirrels Sun 22-Sep-19 12:25:14

Send him with the others and stay with the baby. Don’t go at the last minute if you don’t want to deal with any pressure or persuasion- you “had a really bad night/baby is really unsettled” etc.

Seconding the breastfeeding stretchy vest tops with support. Get a couple online.

BertrandRussell Sun 22-Sep-19 12:25:26

Has your dp been paid? When you say you haven’t got the money for a bra, what do you mean?

amiapropermum Sun 22-Sep-19 12:25:58

I spent lots on nursing bras but found the I LOVE SIA ones on Amazon the best - and they are cheap! They fit nicely whether your boobs are full or not and are so comfy

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