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AIBU?

To ask for stories of short marriages to make me feel better?

55 replies

gbbo123 · 21/09/2019 19:37

Has anyone married and known they've made a mistake? Ive been married 6 months and I know it's not right, but for various reasons I went through with it hoping things would get better and didn't want to let anyone down. I feel totally trapped so hoping people can make me feel better with similar positive ending stories?

OP posts:

Report

thirstyformore · 21/09/2019 19:49

Not sure if this is what you would define as a "positive" story but I filed for divorce on my first year wedding anniversary (can't file any sooner....). A year later I had met my current DH. We've been married 12 years, and have 2 DC.

So pleased my first marriage didn't work out, otherwise I wouldn't be sat here with my beautiful family.

billy1966 · 21/09/2019 19:51

OP, the only positive outcome if you have made a mistake is not to ruin your life by sticking with it, having children and binding your lives together further.

Do not get pregnant.

Get sorted and get out.

Do not compound the error by drifting on hoping things will get bother.

You have made a mistake, own it and move on.

A happier future awaits you both.

Get some support IRL.

💐

Armbow45 · 21/09/2019 19:53

Sympathies OP. I married at 23 and was divorced by 24. The love of my life (at that time) had just married and I felt sure nobody else would want me, so I rushed into things.

I married again at 27 and celebrated 18 years of marriage earlier this year.

Only you know how you’re feeling, but there’s nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake and moving on with your life. Better for both of you to have a chance of finding true happiness, than pretending everything is fine.

Armbow45 · 21/09/2019 19:55

Yes, should add - no children from first marriage, so I literally walked away and never saw him again.

I now have a 17 year old daughter, who I adore.

Best of luck.

Rarfy · 21/09/2019 19:58

Had a friend who did this, around 6 months to a year married and the cracks were starting to appear. At the time I really never understood it but am glad to say they eventually seperated and from what I hear friend was much much happier once she moved on. Definitely the right thing to do.

We all make mistakes. Don't drag it out longer than you have to.

EdWinchester · 21/09/2019 19:59

I don't know that a short marriage can be viewed as a positive thing, but extracting yourself from an unhappy relationship definitely is.

absopugginglutely · 21/09/2019 20:01

DON’T get pregnant! Please don’t.

No shame in getting divorced!!

mbosnz · 21/09/2019 20:04

My cousin was married for six weeks before they called it quits. Her mother and my mother cried all through the wedding. They were not happy tears.

Darbs76 · 21/09/2019 20:04

Someone I know was married for 6wks when she met someone else and fell head over heels in love with him. It caused a lot of heart ache as you can imagine but she’s been married to him for 5yrs now and a few children later is very happy. It was obvious to many on the wedding day that this was the wrong thing to do. I think she got swept along in it all. She did the right thing even though it caused a lot of hurt

Sparklyring · 21/09/2019 20:10

Our friends marriage lasted 2 months. Turns out she'd met someone else but felt the wedding planning had gone to far to cancel anything so went through with it.

Ferretyone · 21/09/2019 20:27

As @billy1966 says!

Take care too not to lose your job.

It's a cliche of [particularly] reality programmes "I fell pregnant" "Husband was made redundant" "I lost my job"

@gbbo123

gbbo123 · 21/09/2019 20:31

Thanks everyone. I think my biggest fear is hurting him and feeling so guilty over it all, which is a large reason why I went through with it in the first place as the doubts appeared a few weeks before and I felt I couldn't pull out as everyone was so invested. But I'm only 28 so feel I can't waste both our lives like this

OP posts:

LenoVintura · 21/09/2019 20:32

My friend was married for 9 months. She met someone else almost immediately after she was married, started an affair with him and left her husband. Sadly she didn't seem to know what everyone else did, which is that loverboy only had relationships with married women because he didn't want to commit. He dumped her after a few months and moved on.

ControversialFerret · 21/09/2019 20:33

A family member filed for divorce by their first wedding anniversary. His wife had an affair. Devastating for him at the time but they weren't suited and he met a lovely woman a couple of years later and they are now happily married with two gorgeous boys, living in Australia. AFAIK his first wife is still with the OM and had children with him.

LenoVintura · 21/09/2019 20:35

Also worked with a guy whose wife left him within weeks of their wedding. She never even moved into the beautiful home that he had created for them (he was in property). She said that the whole build up to the wedding, the house etc was so exciting that she couldn't face the return to mundane life . He was absolutely devastated.

Brightwell12 · 21/09/2019 20:35

We had been together for 4 years and within 6 weeks of marriage I knew I had made a mistake. 15 years and 2 dc later we divorced. In my heart I knew it wasn't right prior to the wedding.

Thehop · 21/09/2019 20:36

My first marriage is left by 10 months.

LenoVintura · 21/09/2019 20:37

A friend of DH (female) was jilted a couple of days before the wedding. Not quite the same, but it wrecked her mental health for many many years after.

Runmybathforme · 21/09/2019 20:39

Together for 4 years, I no longer loved him when we got married, but felt the huge wedding couldn’t be stopped and that I would cope. Nine months in, and I started an affair, got found out of course. Anyway, massive heartache all round, my parents disowned me for a while, friends didn’t speak to me, I wanted to die . Happy to say, the chap I had the affair with and I eventually married, stayed together, happily for fourty years.

YouJustDoYou · 21/09/2019 20:39

My uncle. Met my aunty in the queue for a nightclub the literal night before his wedding. Knew before he met her that the engagement wasn't right. Never consummated marriage, swift separation. My mother also got married knowing it was wrong - only went through with it because of expense of wedding.

Yellredder · 21/09/2019 20:42

Two short-lived marriages here. Both were three years. One turned violent. The other had MH issues which escalated and did something so horrendous we had to part.

peanutbutterandbanana · 21/09/2019 20:45

I got married at age 29. I felt that if I didn't do it then I would be left on the shelf. Something didn't feel right the whole time I was planning the wedding. We had a brilliant day but once the guests had gone and we found ourselves in the honeymoon suite of our hotel I knew that I had made a terrible mistake.
We made it to one year anniversary but soon after that I realised that the future to me looked like a black void and that if I stayed with him much longer we may well have gone down the getting pregnant route and I'd be forever linked to him. I was nearly 31 and really wanted children, but I knew not with him. It was so tough, but I decided it had to end as quickly as possible. The following few months were hell going through the divorce (seriously spend money on a good divorce lawyer if you decide to split - takes a lot of stress away) but because of his unreasonable behaviour it was done and dusted in six months, before our second wedding anniversary.

A month after my decree absolute came through I met my future DH and we got married 364 days later. Just had our 25th wedding anniversary and have three amazing DCs. The best thing I ever did was get out of that first marriage quickly and BEFORE I had children. If it really doesn't feel right - get out. But beware, it will be painful. Good luck.

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StillNumb · 21/09/2019 20:45

I did this. I married a much older man as it provided an opportunity to get away from my abusive father. As soon as I had a 'boyfriend' my father left me alone. I didn't want to marry my ex, and I wish I hadn't done it. I lived with him for about 4 years before leaving and setting up on my own. I sometimes feel guilty that I probably used him, but then perhaps he should have thought twice about pursuing me. I have been married to DH for many years now, and have an amazing DD who I adore. Wish I hadn't had to do all that, but happy with my life now. Don't feel guilty, do what you need to do x

Smelephant · 21/09/2019 20:50

First marriage lasted 10 months. I’d tried to end the engagement but was talked round by ex. Walked down the aisle knowing I was making a huge mistake but didn’t want to let anyone down. It wasn’t until my dad told me (6 months in) that no one would judge me, that I decided to leave. Despite an awful amount of fallout, it was ultimately the best decision ever. Now very happily married with a gorgeous DD and would not be here without having had a rubbish first marriage.
Trust your instincts and good luck!

ListeningQuietly · 21/09/2019 20:51

DO NOT GET PREGNANT

I went to a friends wedding and at the reception other guests agreed with us it was doomed
(yup, 2 hours in)
They were divorced within 2 years
They were both married to other people within 5 years
and still go on holiday as friends 25 years later

WALK OUT NOW

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