For friend not to visit!

[MoonlightDancer]

Our friend recently invited us to her house visit and catch up...she's been reading A LOT of books on parenting, sleep training, vitamin powders for babies etc...she's a newish mum (1 year old)...so we understand she's wanting to get things 'right'.

When we got there we had to whisper the entire time we were there...when it came to having dinner we had to eat with plastic cutlery so it wouldn't make a noise on the plates and drink out of plastic picnic glasses so we couldn't make a noise when putting it on the table like a glass would...when it came to using the loo it was either the pub down the road or pee outside in the garden in a bucket which we drew the line at and ended the evening to get back to our hotel and use the facilities!

When we met up the next day I apologised we had to go but was bursting for the loo...she said that in her books it mentions about having absolute silence for children to get into a deep sleep in the first hour and they don't wake for hours...her child cannot sleep without the environment being pin drop silent now!

She's messaged saying looking forward to seeing you and staying over with a list of 'rules' that must be adhered to in order for her child to sleep for example unplug landline, phones on silent, no tv etc! We've made it clear that it's impossible and to expect noise etc, doors in and out, doorbell, phones ringing, washer on etc!

We've offered to pay for a hotel which is 15 mins away from us but she's messaged back saying she can't control the noise at a hotel but at mine she can! AIBU to say no to visiting if she won't accept that noise will be in my home! We live 250 miles away so she will be staying for 4 days.

[LemonAddict]

when it came to using the loo it was either the pub down the road or pee outside in the garden in a bucket

lol

You had me up until that point.

Nice try though.

[hazelrose]

Not at all. She sounds a bit of a nob to be honest.
Just say you’d love her to come but unfortunately you can’t promise to stick to her “rules”
(To be fair telling her to jog the f@ck on would be just as acceptable)

Each to their own but that’s just too much to deal with x

[MoonlightDancer]

No I am being serious!!!! That's why we were like o ha ha ha pull the other one!! I can't remember the name of the book it's some child psychology thing about sleep and it mentions about deep sleep and noise she has taken it literal!! We wanted to respect her wishes by not using the loo as the flush would apparently wake the child! The child's bedroom is next to the bathroom!

[thecatinthetwat]

Can’t you turn your phones off for an hour whilst her child is falling asleep?

She’s obvs gone a bit full on, but trying to get a child to sleep - sometimes you go a bit loopy.

What are the other rules? I think an hour to get her child to sleep is reasonable actually (I feel her pain).

[MoonlightDancer]

I've had to stop myself a few times to tell her to do that! I love her but these books have turned her into a completely different person!

[Stressedout10]

[SummerWhisper]

"We enjoyed spending time with you and adored seeing the baby but the regimes you implement for your little one simply won't work for us and our home. I'm sorry that we can't accommodate you."

She is totally at risk of alienating her child. I worry that she has anxiety.

[thecatinthetwat]

When we got there we had to whisper the entire time we were there.

Sorry is it the whole time or just the first hour the child goes to bed?

If it’s an hour then I think it’s fine. If it’s silence the whole time then no.

I thought it was fairly normal not to flush the loo with a sleeping child. We used to do that.

[Dinosaurusmumnus]

Good try OP

[MoonlightDancer]

@thecatinthetwat we did as didn't want her to get too stressed...her rules are no high heels...we have wooden floors...phones on silent at all times, house phone to be unplugged, no washer on etc, this is to be whilst her child is asleep!! So of the child sleeps for 8 hours then we play the rules for 8 hours etc

[GotToGoMyOwnWay]

Is this real

[GotToGoMyOwnWay]

If it’s real then tell her no! I’ve never heard the like.

[Twickerhun]

Ha that’s brilliant! I

[MoonlightDancer]

For those who say is this real...yes it is!!! I am not a troll or wind up...I have been Mumsnet for a long time!!

I am asking this because I thought we were being harsh and maybe this is a new Mum thing!

[MoonlightDancer]

@SummerWhisper yes this is what me and DH have started think!

[MissConductUS]

What about traffic noise? Are you supposed to block the street?

[GotToGoMyOwnWay]

No she’s batshit. Does what she likes in her own home but not in someone else’s.

[MoonlightDancer]

@SummerWhisper yes this is what me and DH have started think and that's why starting to think we shouldn't say no and just put up with it as we it was really lovely to see her when the baby wasn't asleep.

[Notverygrownup]

Oh bless her. What a nightmare! I think that she wins the MN pfb prize, previously held by the couple who were taking their pfb on holiday overseas and so booked an internal flight from, I seem to remember, Manchester, so that they could all practice being on an plane together !

I went batshit too when I had my pfb and still wince when I remember some of the excruciating things I said and did, which seemed totally reasonable to me at the time. You are probably going to have to decide whether you love your friend enough to humour her, go along with some of her batshittery, and try to reassure her about the rest, or you are going to need to take a holiday from the friendship until she chills out a bit.

Best of luck

[Drum2018]

You respected the rules in her house so she either respects the rules in your house or she doesn't visit. It's her choice but I would be making sure she knows that you won't be carrying out her batshit demands. She's made a rod for her own back there!

[MoonlightDancer]

@MissConductUS yes I said this to her this morning...we live on a quiet cul de sac so she's ok with it...I just need to make sure the window is closed and black out blind is up...which isn't a problem it's just the other stuff!

[thecatinthetwat]

her rules are no high heels...we have wooden floors...phones on silent at all times, house phone to be unplugged, no washer on

But not wearing high heels, putting the washer on or having your phones ring whilst her child is sleeping is fine really isn’t it?

He rules in your update sound like a list of things any reasonable would do whilst a baby is sleeping.

[istolethisusernametoo]

I would tell her that she cannot control the noise in your home. It is your home!! If she doesn't want to stay in a hotel then maybe she would be better suited to staying in a self catering property. Are there any available on Airbnb?

[exWifebeginsAgainat46]

this is basically that Catherine Tate sketch where the couple with the sleeping baby refuse to get out of the car and insist the host brings the food out to them...