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to think dummies should not be taken to school pick up!

(111 Posts)
friedeggsandbeans Fri 20-Sep-19 10:33:34

Just that really, Mum at school picks her DS up from school, he's just started so 4 or 5 years old, and gives him his dummy, so he is running around the playground, with his friends, with a dummy in his mouth. Absolutely nothing to do with me, but why? why would you do that?

VapeVamp12 Fri 20-Sep-19 10:35:09

Far too old for a dummy!

scittlescatter Fri 20-Sep-19 10:36:33

Far too old, and also the risk of damage to teeth and face if he falls with a dummy I'm his mouth.

Boom45 Fri 20-Sep-19 10:36:53

Because the child still likes it? Neither of mine ever took to a dummy (and I think they're discouraged by dentists at that age) but if the kid still likes it and they're young enough at that age not to get teased about it then it's not the end of the world is it?

AdalindMeisner Fri 20-Sep-19 10:38:30

Is it hurting you? No? Then mind your own business... simples really!

BloggersBlog Fri 20-Sep-19 10:39:33

I think children with dummies over the age of 3 in public look ridiculous but it is all a personal choice isnt it. Maybe the parent prefers this than the snacks some parents bring as the child cant possibly wait for 10 mins till they are home

Jeschara Fri 20-Sep-19 10:41:25

Yes it really does have nothing to do with you. Child may have needs and uses a dummy for comfort. I had a dummy, my children did not its personnel choice.

Rachelover60 Fri 20-Sep-19 10:45:08

I think you should mind your own business really. You don't know the child or parents. My opinion is that he is too old for a dummy but each child is different and, let's face it, he won't be using it forever - probably not for much longer.

Sockwomble Fri 20-Sep-19 10:45:17

Additional needs? Although if it is that it would be wise to be moving the child on to something more age appropriate.

Ponoka7 Fri 20-Sep-19 10:51:42

My four year old GC was picked up last winter with a warm bottle of milk (we walk home).

They had been through a DV situation (it went to court etc) and had regressed slightly. As much as her Dad was the perpetrator, him being gone one day effected her badly.

I worked in Family Services, ypu learn that there isn't one pointer that tells you a Parent is getting it badly wrong and some smaller things that people will judge don't matter that much and sometimes children need Parents to respond to their needs.

It might be an instant stress releaser for the child, which makes their evening more calm.

Being over 50 and seeing three generations grow up after my first Child was born has also taught me the same.

When and were I went to school, you didn't start until after your fifth Birthday and in other countries, you still don't start as young as we do.

Some children have always needed that extra time to grow up.

Ponoka7 Fri 20-Sep-19 10:53:23

"Additional needs? Although if it is that it would be wise to be moving the child on to something more age appropriate."

We now consider it best to go with the child's developmental needs. So if thete is a delay in development, you go with that age.

JaniceBattersby Fri 20-Sep-19 10:54:44

As much as I think that it’s nice for kids to have comfort and if they have something they are attached to then it’s probably fine for them to have that thing, if I saw a school aged child with a dummy my first thought would be ‘wft’? And that child is likely to, at some point, be reminded of the fact he had a dummy at school by his peers, many of whom will also be a bit ‘wft’ about it.

zxcvhjkl Fri 20-Sep-19 11:01:40

YABU you don't know the back story or if there is any SEN.

As for some of these comments - please don't judge others like that. It's unhelpful comments and observations that make it a darn sight harder for parents who have SEN children (or other genuine reasons) to do anything that isn't considered "the norm"

Even if there is no SEN it isn't really your place to judge. You can have a preference but it is your own preference and not something to project onto a child other than your own.

It really makes me livid. A dc of mine will no longer wear ear defenders in public because of the looks and the "oh take your headphones off so you can hear me dear" comments. As a result meltdowns have increased and going out is ten times harder. As a family our life is challenging enough with other people adding to it.

So please, just take a moment to consider all possibilities before judging and jumping to conclusions.

zxcvhjkl Fri 20-Sep-19 11:04:06

And yes, he has a dummy. And no, it isn't age appropriate. But I follow all medical and social care advice and do what is best for my child even if that means a group of parents who know nothing about us will judge.

Sockwomble Fri 20-Sep-19 11:05:46

"We now consider it best to go with the child's developmental needs. So if thete is a delay in development, you go with that age."

My child is 14 but functionally about 2 years old. I wouldn't want him to have a dummy. If a school aged child has a dummy I would be working on introducing alternatives unless it is likely they will be giving it up themselves.

GingersAreLush Fri 20-Sep-19 11:07:36

I really couldn’t be arsed to get worked up about this as it’s got fuck all to do with me.

zxcvhjkl Fri 20-Sep-19 11:09:32

@sockwomble you are working in the assumption there are suitable alternatives though. This is what I mean about judging or coming to form an opinion without all of the facts. Yes for your child you may be able to find an alternative and phase it out. That's your child your experience. It doesn't mean it is the same for every child.

SunshineAngel Fri 20-Sep-19 11:12:10

I wouldn't take it to school tbh. The child has just coped perfectly well without it. I would wait until asked (which would most probably be at home) rather than making it readily available for the child.

It's not just about what's age appropriate, but there will come a time when the other children start to notice that he's still doing something that they only did when they were babies, and he might get teased for it.

I actually had a dummy at night myself until I was 6 (though I don't actually remember, to be honest) and my mum would never have brought it to school for me.

HiJenny35 Fri 20-Sep-19 11:13:18

Ok judgy miss judgy pants, not your child, not causing the child long term issues, child is happy, nothing to do with you and why on earth would you feel the need to post about it to get reinforcement for your feeling of superiority. Really does it matter?

ElspethFlashman Fri 20-Sep-19 11:16:20

I would never judge a 4 year old with a dummy, as generally if they have a dummy at that age, it's because they need it.

My lad is 4 and we are trying to wean him off it, we have holes in them now, but he still needs to put them in his mouth to sleep. He has sensory issues. We are strict and he's only allowed them at night now but they have been an absolute godsend the last few years. But he still needs to chew/mouth something during the day, so has Chew Buddies.

So don't assume he's a "typical" child.

justheretostalk Fri 20-Sep-19 11:18:53

The kid will be taunted mercilessly by his peers soon enough.

Ragwort Fri 20-Sep-19 11:19:34

Yes I would secretly judge and I would feel sorry for the child because it is highly likely that other children will tease him/her/they about it.

zxcvhjkl Fri 20-Sep-19 11:25:48

Alot of SEN children are already mercilessly taunted, teased, bullied and socially excluded.

Does that mean you remove something that they need or that helps them just because they might get teased? No. Surely best to simply share the reasons why they have something in the hope of educating tolerant and understanding children.

AChickenCalledDaal Fri 20-Sep-19 11:29:41

Not ideal, but the child has presumably been at school for a couple of weeks at the most. He'll probably move on soon enough when he realises for himself that it's odd. Or maybe he really, really needs it for some reason. Either way, judging is not useful.

FrauHaribo Fri 20-Sep-19 11:29:45

I agree!

It's especially sad if the child is happy at school without, but as soon as the parent comes around he "needs" one.

Really sad.

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