My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

At not being cross at dh's inability to even buy some bog roll when home alone?

44 replies

pointydog · 10/08/2007 17:23

Have I gone soft, am I heading for divorce or am I in love?

After returning with dc, having spent 5 days away, I discover bit by bit as I wander round house that dh has not:

  1. bought any household items (including bog roll, milk, something for tea) during teh 5 days (he bought some cheese and ready meals for himself)
  2. done a wash (I have washed 10 pairs of keks and socks today)
  3. done anything at all that could loosely be called housework (although he did wash his own dishes)

    The thing is, I was not really surprised, was not cross, and only mildly irritated.
OP posts:
Report
fiddlemama · 10/08/2007 17:38

Definitely in love I'd say

Report
Sobernow · 10/08/2007 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HomeintheSun · 10/08/2007 17:44

You got to be head over heels, I'd be pissed off, I get ratty if DH doesn't put his dirty shirt in the wash bin (how hard is it to do, it stays still, it doesn't run round the house or anything)

Report
NappyValley · 10/08/2007 17:44

Sounds like DH needs more taining and rather than be cross you are just resigned to the fact. Although I have always said that you cannot get cross unless you actually leave specific instructions that are not followed.. Mind reading is just not a human trait eventhough many of my female friends seem to constantly expect there hubbies to be able to do it.

Report
motherinferior · 10/08/2007 18:05

It's not mind-reading, it's basic household maintenance. He sounds utterly wearing, tbh.

Report
motherinferior · 10/08/2007 18:06

You don't need to leave instructions saying 'wash your own clothes, ffs', or 'if you use up the bog roll replace it' or 'run a hoover round the place and wipe up when you've cooked'.

Report
saltire · 10/08/2007 18:09

DH can do a wash or 2, provided I leave very clear instructions such as
"When you wash your work shirts, put them in a 40 wash, and turn the other dial to 6. Then put washing powder in the MIDDLE compartment" etc etc.

PIL is useless though, on his days off Step MIL fills a flask of tea for him before she goes to wrok, because he can't even switch the kettle on, also he has no idea where tea pot, mugs etc are kept

Report
meandmyflyingmachine · 10/08/2007 18:20

Does he do these things if you are home?

Because if not, then it may not have occurred to him.

I don't suddenly start fixing my own car when DH is away...

Report
beansprout · 10/08/2007 18:22

It's nice that you aren't in a rage about it. One less domestic argument in the world!!

Report
onetiredmummy · 10/08/2007 20:30

My pet peeve is that he will not undo the bloody buttons on his shirts when he puts them in the washing basket, I hate it & have told him loads of times!If he's in when I find one I won't wash it until he has undone the buttons.
Last time I went away I left instructions on the washing machine, really detailed ones like instead of saying 'push the start button' I'd say 'push the 2nd button to the left', it got that basic. He still didn't do it though.

Report
lizziemun · 10/08/2007 21:13

i would say in love,but i think its a man thing these thing just appear so they don't think about it.

I had this month

  1. DH said to me i don't have a lot of socks in my drawer, i replyed i know they are under your desk and i can not reach them. I'm 8months pg and can not bend to get under his desk. Office is next to the kitchen so he only has to walk about 10 steps to the washing machine.

  2. do we have any loo roll, again answer yes they are in the drawer thingy in the upstairs bathroom.

    And yesterday he said to me if i need him to get any shopping dueing the week he would get it for me. I'm not holding out much hope if i did ask him as i am still waiting for him bring home his lunch box from wednesday .
Report
hotchocscot · 10/08/2007 23:09

oh goody a thread where I can complain about hubby's double standards. I am a SAHM most of the time and keep the house running reasonably ok-ish (above the dysentry line anyway) round a 14 month old ds, without dh realising what this involves (tidying/cleaning/shopping daily). However, when he watches ds while i work occasional halfdays or weekends he does zilch, doesn't even load dishwasher or rinse out bottles, i come home to find dirty nappies in untied nappy bags left on changing mat and plates piled with half eaten food left on work surface directly above blardy dishwasher ffs. When I gently mentioned that its not very nice to come home from work and have to immediately do chores rather than plonk on sofa in front of telly as he does on return from work, he moans "but i've been far too busy looking after ds to do any of that" - would i get away with that 6 days out of 7, would i hell. If i was God for a day, apart from world peace and saving the ice caps, I would definitely give all men a multi-tasking gene implant.

Report
pointydog · 10/08/2007 23:10

'crushed'

maybe.... maybe.... you are..... right

OP posts:
Report
pointydog · 10/08/2007 23:12

I refuse to train an adult though. no no no, I don't train adults

OP posts:
Report
CrookshanksinJimmyChoos · 10/08/2007 23:12

Am loving this thread.....I've put a magnetic memo board on the fridge to try and be organised (roffle!) with the shopping and running out of things.....was stood in kitchen with DH the other week and conversation went like this:

DH: Ooh I'm out of my porridge...can you write it on the memo board for me please

Me: Well, you know where the pen is - you write it on

DH: Aww...

He's written two things on there since......

Report
UnquietDad · 10/08/2007 23:13

Often the answer is "did you ask him to do it?"

Yes, I know you feel you shouldn't need to, but life isn't like that. Men and women are different. It's not wrong, it's just a different way of looking at the world.

Some people's DHs probably have things that they always do, like checking the oil in the car or mowing the lawn, which it would never occur to some women to do. (Although I'm sure some do.)

Report
pointydog · 10/08/2007 23:15

I have reached a state of inner peace where it all washes over me.

(watched a bit of stepford wives)

OP posts:
Report
pointydog · 10/08/2007 23:17

I also refuse to ask him now. I refuse to ask basic repetitive things of adults. I do not repeatedly ask basic repetitive things of adults.

OP posts:
Report
mazzystar · 10/08/2007 23:17

i think pretty much any man, left to his own devices for a wee while, would go to seed and rather enjoy it.

pd are you secretly pleased to discover just how much he needs you?

Report
walbert · 10/08/2007 23:18

Christ, i had to stop dh from going to supermarket. 'Go and get two pizzas and a bottle of wine'. Dh returns minus £45 and four carrier bags full of mind numbingly pointless crap. Washing? Well, after arguing who's responsibilty it s to empty pockets (dh thinks it's mine, as i've ended up being lumbered with doing the washing, i say every man for themself: if their your clothes, you empty pockets before they go in wash basket) dh is now minus a mobile phone. Cue tensed smiles and lots of 'no, really, it's not your fault' while thinking 'Knobhead'.

Report
pointydog · 10/08/2007 23:18

I have reached my own private nirvana and it is very restful indeed.

OP posts:
Report
walbert · 10/08/2007 23:19

Mind you, when my mum goes on hol, dad doesn't even use the upstairs (have a showreroom downstairs) he sleeps on sofa rather than n bed: he says it's so he can get dressed straight away and be up and about, and that he can't make a double bed, but we all know it's coz he doesn't like being in their bed without mum: awww!!!

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

pointydog · 10/08/2007 23:19

oh god no, mazzy!!! Look, you've made me type three exclamation marks.

I refuse to feel silent pleasure in anyone needing me a lot.

OP posts:
Report
pointydog · 10/08/2007 23:21

I mean, I did express my slight surprise (which dh took to be displeasure and anger) and he felt enough of a twinge of partnership to mood off and buy some milk and toilet paper.

OP posts:
Report
bigmouthstrikesagain · 10/08/2007 23:23

I am sure you are correct UQD - I have resigned myself to the fact that dh needs clear instruction on what I want - I cannot expect him to 'intuit' that I would like him to do the washing up or at least load the dishwasher a couple of times a week - I have to tell him.

My problem is time frames... I ask him to, for e.g. put washing on line and literally hours can pass before it is done in which time the other things that prevented me from hanging out the washing myself have been done and I start doing it myself - resulting in a narky argument where he is huffy and I am frustrated or I become screechy voiced and instruct him to do whatever it is now and not some as yet unspecified 'later' therefore becoming nagging cliche wifey grrrrrrrr

I do understand your lack of reaction Pointy I hope it is love and not resignation - sure it is former

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.