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At not being cross at dh's inability to even buy some bog roll when home alone?

(45 Posts)
pointydog Fri 10-Aug-07 17:23:00

Have I gone soft, am I heading for divorce or am I in love?

After returning with dc, having spent 5 days away, I discover bit by bit as I wander round house that dh has not:

1. bought any household items (including bog roll, milk, something for tea) during teh 5 days (he bought some cheese and ready meals for himself)
2. done a wash (I have washed 10 pairs of keks and socks today)
3. done anything at all that could loosely be called housework (although he did wash his own dishes)

The thing is, I was not really surprised, was not cross, and only mildly irritated.

fiddlemama Fri 10-Aug-07 17:38:54

Definitely in love I'd say

Sobernow Fri 10-Aug-07 17:44:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HomeintheSun Fri 10-Aug-07 17:44:52

You got to be head over heels, I'd be pissed off, I get ratty if DH doesn't put his dirty shirt in the wash bin (how hard is it to do, it stays still, it doesn't run round the house or anything)

NappyValley Fri 10-Aug-07 17:44:54

Sounds like DH needs more taining and rather than be cross you are just resigned to the fact. Although I have always said that you cannot get cross unless you actually leave specific instructions that are not followed.. Mind reading is just not a human trait eventhough many of my female friends seem to constantly expect there hubbies to be able to do it.

motherinferior Fri 10-Aug-07 18:05:50

It's not mind-reading, it's basic household maintenance. He sounds utterly wearing, tbh.

motherinferior Fri 10-Aug-07 18:06:49

You don't need to leave instructions saying 'wash your own clothes, ffs', or 'if you use up the bog roll replace it' or 'run a hoover round the place and wipe up when you've cooked'.

saltire Fri 10-Aug-07 18:09:11

DH can do a wash or 2, provided I leave very clear instructions such as
"When you wash your work shirts, put them in a 40 wash, and turn the other dial to 6. Then put washing powder in the MIDDLE compartment" etc etc.

PIL is useless though, on his days off Step MIL fills a flask of tea for him before she goes to wrok, because he can't even switch the kettle on, also he has no idea where tea pot, mugs etc are kept

meandmyflyingmachine Fri 10-Aug-07 18:20:06

Does he do these things if you are home?

Because if not, then it may not have occurred to him.

I don't suddenly start fixing my own car when DH is away...

beansprout Fri 10-Aug-07 18:22:04

It's nice that you aren't in a rage about it. One less domestic argument in the world!!

onetiredmummy Fri 10-Aug-07 20:30:16

My pet peeve is that he will not undo the bloody buttons on his shirts when he puts them in the washing basket, I hate it & have told him loads of times!If he's in when I find one I won't wash it until he has undone the buttons.
Last time I went away I left instructions on the washing machine, really detailed ones like instead of saying 'push the start button' I'd say 'push the 2nd button to the left', it got that basic. He still didn't do it though.

lizziemun Fri 10-Aug-07 21:13:06

i would say in love,but i think its a man thing these thing just appear so they don't think about it.

I had this month

1) DH said to me i don't have a lot of socks in my drawer, i replyed i know they are under your desk and i can not reach them. I'm 8months pg and can not bend to get under his desk. Office is next to the kitchen so he only has to walk about 10 steps to the washing machine.

2) do we have any loo roll, again answer yes they are in the drawer thingy in the upstairs bathroom.

And yesterday he said to me if i need him to get any shopping dueing the week he would get it for me. I'm not holding out much hope if i did ask him as i am still waiting for him bring home his lunch box from wednesday .

hotchocscot Fri 10-Aug-07 23:09:55

oh goody a thread where I can complain about hubby's double standards. I am a SAHM most of the time and keep the house running reasonably ok-ish (above the dysentry line anyway) round a 14 month old ds, without dh realising what this involves (tidying/cleaning/shopping daily). However, when he watches ds while i work occasional halfdays or weekends he does zilch, doesn't even load dishwasher or rinse out bottles, i come home to find dirty nappies in untied nappy bags left on changing mat and plates piled with half eaten food left on work surface directly above blardy dishwasher ffs. When I gently mentioned that its not very nice to come home from work and have to immediately do chores rather than plonk on sofa in front of telly as he does on return from work, he moans "but i've been far too busy looking after ds to do any of that" - would i get away with that 6 days out of 7, would i hell. If i was God for a day, apart from world peace and saving the ice caps, I would definitely give all men a multi-tasking gene implant.

pointydog Fri 10-Aug-07 23:10:45


maybe.... maybe.... you are..... right

<slow unnaturally deep wailing>

pointydog Fri 10-Aug-07 23:12:46

I refuse to train an adult though. no no no, I don't train adults

CrookshanksinJimmyChoos Fri 10-Aug-07 23:12:52

Am loving this thread.....I've put a magnetic memo board on the fridge to try and be organised (roffle!) with the shopping and running out of things.....was stood in kitchen with DH the other week and conversation went like this:

DH: Ooh I'm out of my porridge...can you write it on the memo board for me please

Me: Well, you know where the pen is - you write it on

DH: Aww...<walks out into living room>

He's written two things on there since......


UnquietDad Fri 10-Aug-07 23:13:37

Often the answer is "did you ask him to do it?"

Yes, I know you feel you shouldn't need to, but life isn't like that. Men and women are different. It's not wrong, it's just a different way of looking at the world.

Some people's DHs probably have things that they always do, like checking the oil in the car or mowing the lawn, which it would never occur to some women to do. (Although I'm sure some do.)

pointydog Fri 10-Aug-07 23:15:48

I have reached a state of inner peace where it all washes over me.

(watched a bit of stepford wives)

pointydog Fri 10-Aug-07 23:17:00

I also refuse to ask him now. I refuse to ask basic repetitive things of adults. I do not repeatedly ask basic repetitive things of adults.

mazzystar Fri 10-Aug-07 23:17:06

i think pretty much any man, left to his own devices for a wee while, would go to seed and rather enjoy it.

pd are you secretly pleased to discover just how much he needs you?

walbert Fri 10-Aug-07 23:18:07

Christ, i had to stop dh from going to supermarket. 'Go and get two pizzas and a bottle of wine'. Dh returns minus £45 and four carrier bags full of mind numbingly pointless crap. Washing? Well, after arguing who's responsibilty it s to empty pockets (dh thinks it's mine, as i've ended up being lumbered with doing the washing, i say every man for themself: if their your clothes, you empty pockets before they go in wash basket) dh is now minus a mobile phone. Cue tensed smiles and lots of 'no, really, it's not your fault' while thinking 'Knobhead'.

pointydog Fri 10-Aug-07 23:18:41

I have reached my own private nirvana and it is very restful indeed.

walbert Fri 10-Aug-07 23:19:44

Mind you, when my mum goes on hol, dad doesn't even use the upstairs (have a showreroom downstairs) he sleeps on sofa rather than n bed: he says it's so he can get dressed straight away and be up and about, and that he can't make a double bed, but we all know it's coz he doesn't like being in their bed without mum: awww!!!

pointydog Fri 10-Aug-07 23:19:47

oh god no, mazzy!!! Look, you've made me type three exclamation marks.

I refuse to feel silent pleasure in anyone needing me a lot.

pointydog Fri 10-Aug-07 23:21:29

I mean, I did express my slight surprise (which dh took to be displeasure and anger) and he felt enough of a twinge of partnership to mood off and buy some milk and toilet paper.

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