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Was ibu to react like this. Should i say sorry

(350 Posts)
Anonmummyoftwo Tue 17-Sep-19 18:09:29

Honestly it was a reaction i couldnt control. Before i could stop myself it just came out. Was waiting to lift ds5 from school today and chatting with the other mums. One said about her baby going next week for her year vaccines and another mum jumped in and said your really shouldnt my ds never got any of his because her sisters friends dd caught autism from them. Before i could stop myself i let out a laugh and said oh for god sake are you serious. I said you cant catch autism first off and second that bloody crap about the vaccine causing autism has been proven to be a load of crap. She tried to argue her point but i just said look im not listening and went in got my ds and left. A few mums agreed with me but this mum has just messaged me saying shes upset at how i acted and would like me to say sorry infront of the other mums at drop off in the morning. I told her im sorry for upsetting you but i wont say sorry at the school because i think shes being a fool. This is a grown woman whos at least 30 and truthfully i did think she was a smart woman till that. Do people really still think you can "catch" autism from a vaccine

Bringmewineandcake Tue 17-Sep-19 18:13:16

Your point was valid but it sounds like you were a bit of a dick about it, laughing at her and then walking off saying you're not listening.
So on balance I think YABU for the way you reacted.

TheKarateKitty Tue 17-Sep-19 18:14:44

Do not apologize.

You’re right! Her level of ignorance would be laughable if not so harmful. Oh well if her feelings are hurt. Not vaccinating hurts a lot more, as do the comments about “catching autism.”

Loveabitofcamping Tue 17-Sep-19 18:14:49

Do not apologise at the school. If you do that she gets to say she is right. Urgh, and actually I think you were quite polite considering - what a dangerous and quite frankly stupid person.

30 second rant to follow on anti vaxers

Flaming anti vaxers, Sanctimonious all righteous brigade who are responsible for the resurgence of dreadful diseases.....

And breathe

Ringdonna Tue 17-Sep-19 18:15:42

God there ard some thick mothers around hmm

dollydaydream114 Tue 17-Sep-19 18:16:44

YANBU and do not apologise. She’d have been just as offended if you’d been ultra-polite about it because anti-vaxxers always are and will not listen to reason.

Theflying19 Tue 17-Sep-19 18:17:32

Well, you could apologise for the way in which you said it, but not remotely for pulling her up on spreading her fake news. I'm all for pulling people up on their fact - less opinions.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Tue 17-Sep-19 18:18:04

I’d say I was sorry that she is such a dingbat and contributing to the measles epidemics and decrease in herd immunity based on bullshit she read written by unqualified dimwits on the interned.

Gruntvsgunt Tue 17-Sep-19 18:18:17

You had a point about vaccinations / autism but was there any need to be a rude dick about it ? She probably does deserve an apology (not in front of anyone) and you maybe need to learn to control these “uncontrollable reactions”

moonpiggle Tue 17-Sep-19 18:19:08

Absolute ignorant idiot! Do not apologise to her, she feels like a fool and so she should.

Flyingkites123 Tue 17-Sep-19 18:20:24

She wants you to apologise in front of the other mums?? That's not really how apologies work as far as I know. You don't get to pick who apologises to you and where they do it.

You've apologised for your tone. I guess choosing to vaccinate your kids is an emotive topic and you shouldnt have to apologise for content. .

I lost my hearing in my right ear due to an infection that is now protected from by a vaccine. I get there are 2 sides to every story but struggle to understand why not vaccinating seems like the better option

TitianaTitsling Tue 17-Sep-19 18:20:39

I’d say I was sorry that she is such a dingbat and contributing to the measles epidemics and decrease in herd immunity based on bullshit she read written by unqualified dimwits on the internet* says it all for me!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit Tue 17-Sep-19 18:21:49

If the subject matter had been different I would have said your reaction was rude, however some things really don't deserve polite engagement and giving credence to that kind of unsubstantiated crap doesn't help anyone.

Norma27 Tue 17-Sep-19 18:23:56

Do not apologise. Anti vaxxers are bloody idiots and need to be told.

acquiescence Tue 17-Sep-19 18:24:11

Hopefully by ‘being a bit of a dick’ about it you will have made her pay attention. Well done.

MissConductUS Tue 17-Sep-19 18:24:58

While I think your tone might have been a little more subtle, you did everyone a favor by calling out her misinformation. Her upset is due to a phenomena called cognitive dissonance, and it's not your problem.

Expressedways Tue 17-Sep-19 18:25:17

Say that you’ll apologise for the way you spoke if she will apologise for spreading lies conspiracy theories inaccurate medical information.

Littlemeadow123 Tue 17-Sep-19 18:27:55

Don't apologize. That kind of mentality and ignorance is dangerous. Maybe send her a couple of links that prove how false those claims about autism are.

JacquesHammer Tue 17-Sep-19 18:28:24

It’s better to make a valid point without being a dick about it.

Coffeeandchocolate9 Tue 17-Sep-19 18:28:49

This mum has just messaged me saying shes upset at how i acted and would like me to say sorry infront of the other mums at drop off in the morning.

So you were a dick (and you CAN control what comes out of your own mouth, you're not a child) and now she's being a dick back.

If I were mum #3 and foolish enough not to stay well out of it I'd put you both in opposite naughty corners with no supper until you could both mutter sorry to each other.

SunflowersNKittens Tue 17-Sep-19 18:29:03

Never apologise. I suspect she wouldn’t apologise if there was a measles outbreak...

ellendegeneres Tue 17-Sep-19 18:29:15

Nah. I wouldn’t ‘publicly’ apologise.

Had similar recently, ds was in hospital and in the playroom and a mum starts talking to me (great, bad enough being kept in) then her dh comes in and I’m suddenly being interrogated about my kids and my choice to vaccinate. In a hospital. Fucks sake.
I just laughed. She had the nerve to say her dd had autism that she’d caught from her immunisations so she knew first hand. Drs we’re doing their rounds and I said Jesus you wanna speak to a dr about that love, I’m no dr but I know you can’t ‘catch’ autism! Told my kid to go back to his bed and left her stewing.

How stupid can people be!? It’s dangerous!

ellendegeneres Tue 17-Sep-19 18:30:05

Were not we’re

kitk Tue 17-Sep-19 18:30:30

I would apologise by message for walking off and not listening to her point of view as that was rude and a bit know it all (even though I agree with you) I wouldn't apologise for challenging her anti vax beliefs

Glitterpearl Tue 17-Sep-19 18:30:58

I think that if people are going to go around spouting such bollocks with no regard to truth or fact, the least they can expect is short shrift.

Asking for you to apologise infront of the others is only a way for her to lessen her own embarrassment and transfer it to you. Do not do it. She should be embarrassed for being so ill informed and hopefully your reaction will make her think.

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