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If your friend has a skill that could help you, would you expect to pay full price?

(263 Posts)
thisusernameismine Tue 17-Sep-19 06:45:34

Not sure if this has been talked about before - but in short, a friend of mine (known for many many years but see each other only annually as on opposite sides of the world) has become a life coach in the last couple of years. The friend does talk about it often when we meet and I'm very proud of how she's made a success of a new career.

I'm at the end of mat leave and feeling in a bit of a rut in terms of my career - I feel it's a dead end job and I'd love to completely change what I do for a living but have a big inner critic (this is my main issue and the kind of problem my friend specialises in). I shared this with my friend and asked her if she thought coaching me could work given we know each other so well. I fully expect to pay as it's her business, but my DH is outraged that I'm being charged full price for the exploratory session. The coaching packages are a little extortionate so I'm not sure if I could afford them anyway (mat leave pay!) but possibly could just about pay for the smallest programme.

Just interested in others' opinions as my Dh's is so different from mine. He said if a good friend of his had a skill, they would never charge him as it's only 1-3 hours I'm being offered so in his opinion, hardly damaging for her business. I'm not sure whether to go ahead now confused

Teachermaths Tue 17-Sep-19 06:50:09

Yes I would. Possibly expect a small reduction but nothing for free.

Have the first session and see if you like it.

I think your friend has done the right thing being honest from the start about the price. Means no nasty surprises later on.

Goodlookingcreature Tue 17-Sep-19 06:50:15

Yes of course this is her career and how she puts food on the table. My close friend is a beauty therapist and I wouldn’t dream of asking her to do things for me whilst expecting them to be free. If you value your friends skill, and are supportive then you pay the going rate.

MsTSwift Tue 17-Sep-19 06:53:11

Has your dh ever been self employed himself? Think I can guess the answer...

hardyloveit Tue 17-Sep-19 06:54:47

I'd expect to pay full price!
I've just open up my own business this year and so many of my friends expect a big discount - I haven't given it as I reply oh okay so let me come into your work and get a huge discount too! One of them works in a supermarket and I said oh yes okay when I next come in to do a big shop il get 50% off the bill!!

DrDreReturns Tue 17-Sep-19 06:56:45

I'd pay full price. Why should they lose out financially because you are friends?

LellyMcKelly Tue 17-Sep-19 06:57:26

I wouldn’t go to a friend for coaching like this, in the same way that I wouldn’t go to a counselling friend for counselling. By all means go to a life coach, but choose someone you don’t know, and who can be impartial. I’m surprised your friend agreed to do it rather than recommending someone else.

AJPTaylor Tue 17-Sep-19 06:58:10

I think that you and your friend are right in your thinking. Dh may well operate differently in his circle, esp if him and his friends trade skills.

RealMermaid Tue 17-Sep-19 06:59:38

Yes of course! I have lots of self employed friends, they have to make a living just like everyone else and it's tough out there.

Iamtooknackeredtorun Tue 17-Sep-19 06:59:41

I’d expect to pay full price. If I was the other person (the one with the skill) I might give 10% discount or similar depending on my circumstances (my builder is a friend and does this without my ever having asked).

Your DH needs to bear in mind that it’s her job and not a hobby. He wouldn’t expect a reduction in salary for something similar. The time she is spending with you (which in order to do the job properly may be significant ) takes her away from other paying clients.

TheRoyalCorgi Tue 17-Sep-19 07:01:00

Once she’s given all of her friends and family 1-3 hours of free work she won’t have any time to do paid work!

What is his job? Would he want to do it for free for 3 hours, for everyone he knows in his spare time?

thisusernameismine Tue 17-Sep-19 07:01:32

Funnily enough yes, my DH is a contractor so self employed!

Some good points made here so thanks all. It's reminded me that my boss saw several of my friends/relatives for career advice (his speciality) over the last few years, his time is very valuable but in truth he didn't need the money.

I honestly didn't expect free coaching, not sure if mates rates will apply to the packages but as long as the coaching will be effective I'm happy to pay!

allthegoodusernameshavegone Tue 17-Sep-19 07:01:59

I would definitely not expect a discount, it’s her livelihood

ifyoulikepinacolada Tue 17-Sep-19 07:02:05

I wouldn’t go to a friend for life coaching - they need a degree of impartiality! But yes, of course I’d expect to pay; I’m a freelancer and if a friend wants advice in my field they would usually buy me dinner/drinks and pick my brains. Anything beyond that I charge for, and as they’re my friends they understand that that’s how I pay my bills!

ShiftHappens Tue 17-Sep-19 07:02:05

I would expect to pay the full price but I am a firm believer into keeping friendship and business apart.

Pay the full price but buy the service from someone else. Simples.

Barbarara Tue 17-Sep-19 07:02:25

My friends and family would offer mates rates and tbh it makes it awkward to ask for anything because it feels like taking advantage. I don’t have a comparable skill to trade. I’d rather pay full price in these circumstances. Does your dh give as much as he expects to get?

icontrolthebullshitnow Tue 17-Sep-19 07:02:29

I agree with Lelly, I'd think you'd want objectivity for this. But in terms of price I'd expect to pay full price. I'm always embarrassed if friends give me discounts on services and get into a battle by insisting on paying more. Generous and kind of them but they need to make a living.

Loopytiles Tue 17-Sep-19 07:03:03

Don’t think it’s appropriate to be coached by someone you’ve been good friends with.

PooWillyBumBum Tue 17-Sep-19 07:03:13

I’d expect to pay full price unless they were close family. You’re taking up working hours and energy she would otherwise spend on other paying clients. It’s not outrageous that you would pay. I think a 10% discount may be a nice gesture but shouldn’t be expected.

Thegracefuloctopus Tue 17-Sep-19 07:03:25

I think this is a cross of male and females and the way they deal with friendships to be honest. Your dh (like mine) is probably thinking "my mates an electrician, I know he's come and wire the telly in the wall (or whatever sparkies do!) for free" which they probably would. But you're thinking "life coaching is her business and I don't want to take food off her table". I think it's different depending on the skill and the type of friendship.
I would expect to pay in your circumstances but I wouldn't bat an eyelid at bill from the pub coming to wire the TV and dh paying him with a pint or two. (rightly or wrongly)

Lauren83 Tue 17-Sep-19 07:03:27

All our friends who have 'trades' do jobs for us a bit cheaper- plumber/decorator/tiler etc, DP also has a second job that earns him a fair bit of money and he will do that at a reduced rate for friends, although often gets expected to do it for free!

PegasusReturns Tue 17-Sep-19 07:05:01

Regardless I wouldn't enter into a coaching relationship with someone who is also a friend.

As someone who has been coached by both life coaches and executive coaches and also suffers from the inner critic my best advice would be see a counsellor not a coach.

They're the only person who can unpick and ultimately rid you of your doubts.

GrimalkinsCrone Tue 17-Sep-19 07:05:42

Yes, I’d expect to pay full price. If the friend chose to offer a discount that’s up to them, but I’d make it clear from the outset that I expected to pay the full going rate. It’s their job.

PlatoAteMySnozcumber Tue 17-Sep-19 07:06:17

I have helped good friends with a very specialist and expensive skill for free. I would help them move house or look after their car or whatever for free so I don’t see any difference between that and helping them out with my professional skill. For friends I don’t know well enough to help put like that, I would charge a discounted rate and for an acquaintance level then full rate. The answer on MN is always that you should expect to pay full price but I don’t agree.

PlatoAteMySnozcumber Tue 17-Sep-19 07:06:41

Look after their cat. I would also look after a car if the need arose I suppose.

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