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To invite friends' former boss to my birthday when they didn't get on?

(60 Posts)
Wauden Mon 16-Sep-19 22:40:01

I am having a birthday dinner party and two friends are coming. These two friends had a boss they didn't get on with, years ago. I don't know too much detail, but they said he cherry-picked the best projects for himself and generally didn't hit it off.

Now I am friendly with this man (two friends' ex boss) and have met him and his partner socially and get on fine. I would like to invite this man and his partner, and some other people we have in common... I can't really invite the people 'people in common' without inviting the former boss!
AIBU to invite this man knowing that my two friends didn't get on with him?!?
AIBU to not mention it beforehand to them?
Or is it a case of, it's my party anyway and I can I invite whoever I want?

Aridane Mon 16-Sep-19 22:41:50

I think YABI (insensitive)

Wauden Mon 16-Sep-19 22:58:41

Not totally insensitive because I haven't done it. Yet...

ChelseaCat Mon 16-Sep-19 23:02:51

It’s your birthday - invite the people you want to be there. I think you should be open about the guest list if you think your friends might find it uncomfortable. At least that way they could opt out if they want to

TheRLodger Mon 16-Sep-19 23:04:24

I would but make sure they arent sat next to each other at dinner. And say when you invite your friends that you’ve invited ex boss.

Shakennotshook Mon 16-Sep-19 23:04:48

Depends how you know him - if you know him independently of these friends go ahead. If you know him through these friends, no way.

RainingFrogsAndHats Mon 16-Sep-19 23:05:27

Dinner party for 8, not very kind without prior warning.
Party for 15+, not a problem - they can mix with other people.

Might be nice to warn them first.

Sunshine93 Mon 16-Sep-19 23:05:49

If he is your friend then invite him. If he is a casual acquaintance then don't.

I would hardly fall out with a friend over her getting on with an ex boss. It's not like it's a ex partner.

AllFourOfThem Mon 16-Sep-19 23:05:57

Yanbu to invite him but since you know it’s likely to cause an issue with people you class as friends, I’d do the kind thing and give them the heads up.

NoSquirrels Mon 16-Sep-19 23:06:41

Have different gatherings - drinks and dinner with two sets of people, not one.

Why would you engineer a situation in which your good friends - who you have already invited and who have already said yes - have to endure someone you KNOW they dislike?

If you'd invited en masse, and they could decline or accept seeing the guest list, fair enough. But it sounds like you asked your good mates out for your birthday, and are now widening the invite in a way that will cause upset.

If I were your friends I'd come and suck it up because I liked you. But I'd have a moan behind your back and not enjoy it as much.

AuntieStella Mon 16-Sep-19 23:07:01

Have two smaller parties.

It would not make for a happy gathering (even if everyone behaved impeccably) to invite people you know ind each other uncongenial

MT2017 Mon 16-Sep-19 23:07:10

Invite who you want but be aware your friends may choose not to go.

I have been invited somewhere for a few days but there are people going I do not want to socialise with, so I have made my excuses.

Finfintytint Mon 16-Sep-19 23:07:35

Invite who you want. Just give your other friends the option of declining if they don’t want to socialise with him. Or tell them to bring some fireworks grin

Italiangreyhound Mon 16-Sep-19 23:08:03

Only invite him if you are willing to tell your friends and OK with them not wanting to come if he is there.

Hope it goes well.

Italiangreyhound Mon 16-Sep-19 23:09:03

Actually agree with AuntieStella 'Have two smaller parties."

Leeds2 Mon 16-Sep-19 23:12:27

YANBU to invite him, but you should tell your friends in advance and give them the opportunity to drop out if they so wish.

MrsDimmond Mon 16-Sep-19 23:19:09

What size dinner party ?

Are the 2 women close friends of yours?

Do they know you socialise with this man? Have you talked to them about him?

I may have read this wrongly, but it sounds like a guest list of acquaintances rather than close friends?

Gruzinkerbell1 Mon 16-Sep-19 23:22:19

You have to tell them first. Otherwise YABU and if I was your friend and you sprung that on me I’d probably ditch you afterwards.

Sweetpea55 Tue 17-Sep-19 06:00:35

I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy the evening knowing that there could be obvious uncomfortable and awkward feeling amongst the guests. How do you think they will feel when they see him
Of course...its your party..

pasturesgreen Tue 17-Sep-19 06:09:29

In my world, proper friends get priority over people you 'get on fine' with. The your party, your rules is actually a tad self-centred...Surely it's more important that guests feel at ease and there isn't an atmosphere?

I'd certainly at least give your friends a heads up so they can decide for themselves.

NaturalBornWoman Tue 17-Sep-19 06:11:42

You describe them as friends, but say you've met him socially and got on. Why would you create a situation which would make your actual friends uncomfortable in order to further your social circle? He was their boss, not even just a colleague so it's almost like you're showing off. I'd dump you in a heartbeat if you treated me like that.

ISmellBabies Tue 17-Sep-19 06:18:00


Tink88 Tue 17-Sep-19 06:34:45

Is the boss actually your friend. I wouldn't invite someone to my party I get on well with sounds like you want to annoy your actual friends.

longwayoff Tue 17-Sep-19 06:39:07

Depends. Are you having it televised as a comparison to Abigail's party or Come Fine With Me? Or do you want a pleasant birthday meal? Sounds tooth achingly unbearable for everyone. Enjoy.

Elodie2019 Tue 17-Sep-19 06:54:52

Dinner party or house party?

If I was invited to an intimate dinner party and was told that one of the guests was someone who had made my life very difficult in the past, I would decline the invitation.

If I turned up and they were there, I would make my excuses and leave early especially if my 'host' knew that I had been treated badly by this person beforehand.

Tell your friends he is coming and give them the opportunity to decline your invitation.

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