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AIBU not to sell her the clothes?

(117 Posts)
MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 19:45:55

A fellow school mum has set up an online clothing company selling second hand clothes, nothing big, think more local and social media based than large online trading company.

I recently posted quite a lot of bundles of clothes for sale on FB Marketplace after an unsuccessful car boot sale, all really good quality stuff, in great condition. She has now approached me twice about buying some of these clothes.

The first time it was a dressing up costume, she didn't specify it was to sell on although I suspected that's what she might do. I joked that it wouldn't fit her daughter to give her the chance to own up and say, actually it's for my online store, but she just kept asking when she could pick it up. In the end I relented just to get rid of it, as it was a bit marked and no one else was interested in buying it.

Now she has messaged me about buying 4 more items. Part of me wants to message back and say, actually I'm not very comfortable with you buying these to sell on for your own profit. AIBU?

Bit of background - I have known this woman for 7 years, I really do not like her (which may be colouring my judgement!!!) but our daughters are friends and in the same class. I don't really see her any more as our kids are old enough to walk to school alone so no awkward school runs to worry about, but she does live nearby.

I'm torn between wanting to get rid of these clothes and definitely not wanting her to profit from my stuff - especially as she hasn't been honest about it!

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername Mon 16-Sep-19 19:47:41

What difference does it make to you, really?

Smelborp Mon 16-Sep-19 19:47:43

Anyone else may well sell them on too though.

If you don’t want to sell to her, you could say you’re waiting for someone to collect. A white lie, and one that will make it awkward if they’re not collected.

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 19:52:38

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername so you wouldn't mind someone you know profiting from your stuff? I would mind much less if she was up front about it.

Jeschara Mon 16-Sep-19 19:54:56

Yes, what difference does it make to you. So long as you get the price you ask for it.

Stayawayfromitsmouth Mon 16-Sep-19 19:56:36

You're being a bit wierd about this.

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 19:58:41

@Stayawayfromitsmouth probably, which is why I asked AIBU? She is not a very nice person, which is no doubt influencing my decision!

pasturesgreen Mon 16-Sep-19 19:59:10

It's stuff you're selling, not giving away for free. If she's willing to pay your asking price, what difference does it make to you anyway?

Dutchesss Mon 16-Sep-19 20:00:04

Sell it to her, there's a lot less effort on your part especially if she buys a lot in one go.
I hate selling on Facebook where people mess around and don't show up, I'd much rather an acquaintance take it off of my hands.

MaybeitsMaybelline Mon 16-Sep-19 20:01:03

Confused? Just ask her to buy them at whatever price you are happy to accept. If she can get more who cares?

WombatStewForTea Mon 16-Sep-19 20:01:36

I'd up the price grinblush

bellsbuss Mon 16-Sep-19 20:02:30

It really wouldn't bother me as I would just be happy to have sold it.

Raphael34 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:03:09

What’s the problem? You’re presumably happy that she’s paying you the amount you’re asking for. What difference does it make to you what happens to them after?

HJWT Mon 16-Sep-19 20:03:09

So shes offering to PAY what you asked for the items? But you don't want her to make profit from it confused then yes YABU

SleepingStandingUp Mon 16-Sep-19 20:04:03

You've set a price for it, and you're being offered it. Surely that's what matters

You're cutting off your nose to spite your face, which is fine. Sit there not selling them. No one cares.

Or sell them to someone offering you the price

Or put the prices up so she can't afford them

Answerthequestion Mon 16-Sep-19 20:04:34

I don’t see the problem. You’re selling, she wants to buy. What she does with them is her business. If you want to make the profit she’s making then you’ll need to put the effort into the business she’s clearly aiming to do

Sunflower20 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:05:11

Don't think it's that much of an issue personally.
Surely you'd feel good getting rid of stuff that are otherwise hard to shift? Does it really matter what she does with it? I get that you don't like her but the good thing is she's essentially helping you clear the stuff!

ChessIsASport Mon 16-Sep-19 20:05:13

If she is paying the price you are asking what difference does it make? Once you have sold something you don’t get to decide what happens to it. You sound a bit petty to be honest.

Teachermaths Mon 16-Sep-19 20:06:02

Are your clothes selling otherwise?

If not take her money.

Neverender Mon 16-Sep-19 20:06:22

Sell them on eBay yourself. I'm sure the fact you don't like her is playing a part in this but if you don't want to give her your stuff then don't. Just tell her you're selling it. Or overinflate the price so she won't want it anyway?

WanderingBar Mon 16-Sep-19 20:06:42

If you think you can get more for them, sell them for more?

Parsley1234 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:06:51

I trade in second designer clothes i don’t understand if she thinks she can make money why not sell to her or you try and sell them on for more £ if you don’t want her profiting ?

MadeForThis Mon 16-Sep-19 20:07:43

Just sell them for the price you want. She might never be able to get rid of them.

GoneToTheDock Mon 16-Sep-19 20:08:10

So someone else can have them for the advertised price, but she cant have them??

Here's a grip...hmm

EnsignRoLaren Mon 16-Sep-19 20:08:26

If you are selling on FB, just block her so she can’t see your posts. Then you can post to your heart’s content 🙂

Redglitter Mon 16-Sep-19 20:08:51

If shes prepared to pay what you're asking for the clothes then you're being ridiculous. Why does it matter what she does with them. If you make a profit selling them then up your price

Derbee Mon 16-Sep-19 20:09:56


You set a price, and you get that price.
She sets a price, and she gets that price.

What’s the problem? confused

If you’re paid what you want for an item, why would you have a problem with what happens to them afterwards? How strange

singtanana Mon 16-Sep-19 20:10:11

I don’t get it. Why don’t you sell the clothes at the higher price and make the profit yourself?

Timeless19 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:10:30

Oh god let her have them!

Look at her business model...selling second hand clothes.

She has to source the clothes, collect the clothes, sort/wash the clothes, photograph them, upload them, find someone to actually buy them before dispatching them. Then and only then will she possibly make a “profit” but in all likelihood after all that work and effort she won’t.

Any business is hard work but this one particularly so. Let her have them and wish her luck. It would benefit the environment immensely if we all bought a bit more second hand let her crack on.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail Mon 16-Sep-19 20:12:20

It wouldn’t bother me if she was willing to pay what I was asking. If she haggled I’d be a bit hmm

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:13:51

@EnsignRoLaren ooh hadn't thought of that!!

Yes I'm being petty, but this woman grinds my gears so much. She is the kind whose children are ALWAYS the most important/clever/fabulous in any situation, and who teachers and school receptionists run and hide from, because she practically lives at the school. She clearly winds me up more than I realised!

Walnutwhipster Mon 16-Sep-19 20:14:46

Your thinking is way off. If you were giving them to her and she sold them for a profit, maybe you'd have a point but she's willing to pay the price you want.

AloeVeraLynn Mon 16-Sep-19 20:15:13

YABU because you don't like her. If you're getting the price you want it shouldn't really make a difference to you.

Peanutbutterforever Mon 16-Sep-19 20:16:43

If she winds you up, but no only else is buying them, you could always give them to a charity shop.

StockTakeFucks Mon 16-Sep-19 20:16:54

You don't want to sell to her because you don't like it. You finally accepted that. Fair enough.

MaeveDidIt Mon 16-Sep-19 20:18:16

What timeless19 says.
You come across as small minded and resentful - and what for - some crappy school uniform (shakes head).

Fromage Mon 16-Sep-19 20:18:36

I'd rather buy from you at your price than from her at hers, so YANBU.

Say you've already overpriced them so she's not likely to make a profit, and also (disclaimer: I know nothing about FB Marketplace) you want to sell to different buyers so you get a variety of feedback/ratings/develop good relationships with buyers/whatevs.

EnsignRoLaren Mon 16-Sep-19 20:18:55

I did it once because I had a slightly crazy sling-stalker woman, who hopped on every post I made about baby carriers and posted a begging story about why she was more worthy/in need of the —luxury baby item— carriers I was trying to buy. In the end I blocked her and my problem was solved.

Tbf OP, I could quite easily feel the same way, even if it is irrational. Just subtly block her 🙂

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:19:22

@MaeveDidIt it's not school uniform. It's nice girls clothes. If that makes a difference (which I'm sure it doesn't.)

Soubriquet Mon 16-Sep-19 20:21:14

I do get where you are coming from

I sold a bundle of toys that the person said her ds was desperate for.

She only went and listed them to sell on.

I felt a bit smug when months went by and no one bought them grin

But it’s just clothes. Let her buy them and waste her own time selling them on

georgialondon Mon 16-Sep-19 20:21:38

I have no clue why this would bother you!

Vgbeat Mon 16-Sep-19 20:21:44

I don't see the problem. If she is paying the price you asked what does it matter. It's called wholesale and retail. You don't go to Asda and complain you are paying more then they are buying it for. If you think you can get the same sell it at a higher price.

mum11970 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:22:05

YABU that’s exactly how buying and selling works. What you pay in Tesco isn’t the price they pay to buy the item from the wholesaler or manufacturer. If she is willing to pay your asking price just sell her the clothes.

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:22:52

@Fromage that's the thing - it's a very local online shop, lots of her friends seem to buy her stuff through Fb, so I'm guessing my original post (including the price) will have been seen by many people already.

HotChocolateLover Mon 16-Sep-19 20:24:06

Just sell it, who cares?!! You might not get any buyers and then you’ve missed out on XX amount.

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:25:35

@Soubriquet yes a similar thing has happened to me in the past, so maybe that's partly why I'm reluctant to sell to her! That and the fact that she hasn't actually said that's what she's going to do with them. Just be honest!!

MaeveDidIt Mon 16-Sep-19 20:27:03


Ok, point taken, but quite frankly if you are that resentful that she is going to make a few quid out of you - put the effort in and sell them yourself at a higher price. Job done.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Mon 16-Sep-19 20:31:58

If you don't want to sell to her, just tell her that you don't feel comfortable with her selling them on. She's unlikely to hunt you down and kill you, even for a nice bit of Boden.

I've been selling online for about 15 years now and I've learnt to listen to my instincts. Sometimes that has meant not selling to people I knew, because I thought they were arseholes. The very few times I ignored my instincts, the sales went badly wrong, because guess what? They were arseholes!

If she's selling online she may not last long anyway. The returns rate for clothing is horrific and children's clothes can be especially tricky. Maybe she will move on to another idea soon and you won't have this problem. Could you remove all of your stuff from sale for a while? You could say that you're not really enjoying selling and you're giving it a break, but be prepared for some CF-ery when she wants you to give her all your "stock".

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth Mon 16-Sep-19 20:33:03

Jeez, way to shoot yourself in the foot.
She wants to buy at the price you want, but you won’t sell? How bizarre. Is someone else’s money worth more?

Aprillygirl Mon 16-Sep-19 20:34:09

You obviously don't really need the money, so if you want to spite her that much why don't you just donate the clothes to a charity? Or would you resent a charity profiting from your precious cast offs also? hmm

pumkinspicetime Mon 16-Sep-19 20:35:17

It cannot make any difference to you what she does with these clothes.
Why don't you want to get the money for them?

donquixotedelamancha Mon 16-Sep-19 20:35:54

so you wouldn't mind someone you know profiting from your stuff?

MN is UK based. Capitalism is a fundamental feature of our society.

May I ask what culture you come from, where making a profit is so taboo?

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:36:16

@Aprillygirl that's a bit low! She's not a charity, far from it. If she had approached me honestly and said, I'd like to buy them to sell on, I'd have less of a problem with it. But she hasn't done that. So I feel like she's been dishonest.

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:37:12

@donquixotedelamancha the important part of that quote was "someone you know"......

pumkinspicetime Mon 16-Sep-19 20:37:55

Why don't you just donate them to a charity shop and feel good about yourself instead of resentful that someone you don't like might make more money from them than you managed to.

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:38:30

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet thanks for understanding where I'm coming from!

colourlessgreenidea Mon 16-Sep-19 20:40:50

so you wouldn't mind someone you know profiting from your stuff?

Once they’re sold, they’re no longer ‘your stuff’.

Yes I'm being petty

Very much so.

Anyone who buys the things you’re selling could sell them on for more.

If you don’t like her then don’t sell to her. No big deal.

Oysterbabe Mon 16-Sep-19 20:42:23

You're being ridiculous. She doesn't need to declare her intentions when buying clothes off Facebook. I wouldn't give a shit if someone made a profit from clothes they bought from me, good for them.

BumbleBeee69 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:45:35

Name your Price OP .. she's doing you a favour by taking them too ..
saves you the hassle flowers

donquixotedelamancha Mon 16-Sep-19 20:47:05

the important part of that quote was "someone you know"

Ah, thank you. Do you live somewhere that it's not normal for people to have small businesses?

In the UK knowing people who buy and sell things for profit is very common. We have large buildings just for this purpose.

You didn't mention where you are from OP. It must be a fascinating culture to have such fundamentally different mores.

steff13 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:49:07

If I got rid of some of the junk in my house and made a little money, I couldn't possibly care less what the person did with the stuff.

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:49:44

@donquixotedelamancha oh dear, are you having a bad day? thanks

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 16-Sep-19 20:50:55

You don’t like her very much? Read the post from Timeless again. She’s going to make diddly squat from your clothes. Let her waste her time and energy for peanuts.

Aprillygirl Mon 16-Sep-19 20:53:45

@Aprillygirl that's a bit low! She's not a charity, far from it. If she had approached me honestly and said, I'd like to buy them to sell on, I'd have less of a problem with it. But she hasn't done that. So I feel like she's been dishonest.

No, she's a woman who's used her intuitive to set up her own little business. What's wrong with that? Are you bitter because you didn't think of it first? Perhaps she was not upfront with you because she knows what a mean spirited person you are.

ralphfromlordoftheflies Mon 16-Sep-19 20:54:36

You're being so weird about this.

MadameButterface Mon 16-Sep-19 20:54:54

Oh my god why do you care

You’re being totally ridiculous

Cherrysherbet Mon 16-Sep-19 20:55:46

Can’t see the problem. YABU.

BeanBag7 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:57:25

Have you tried advertising on a specific brand selling page. For example if you have jojo maman bebe, boden, hatley, frugi... all those brands have selling groups on fb where clothes are sold for more than just basic fb marketplace

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 20:59:19

@BeanBag7 great tip, thanks! Had no idea there were specific groups for clothing brands

MrsFezziwig Mon 16-Sep-19 21:00:29

So you have already advertised some of the items on Facebook at a certain price but had no takers? But you would rather not sell them at all than sell them to her? confused

ElevenSmiles Mon 16-Sep-19 21:01:59

Must be a load of tat if you can't sell it at a car boot.

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 21:01:57

@MrsFezziwig no that's not the case. I've had other interest but she happened to comment first.

MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 21:03:55

@ElevenSmiles not the case at all, we didn't sell much of anything at the car boot. Not enough footfall.

SunniDay Mon 16-Sep-19 21:05:48

If you think it is worth more then sell it for more. If you think it is worth what you are asking for it then what happens to it after that. If I sold something for what I thought it was worth they could use it to line their dog bed for all I care. If I felt sentimental about something I would give it away to someone I hoped would appreciate it (or keep it).

LeithWalk Mon 16-Sep-19 21:05:48

What about agreeing to sell to her, but only if she buys the whole lot in one go, no cherry picking. You get a very easy sale, can throw in some 'less likely to be attractive items' and you get your money straight away. Job done.

Contraceptionismyfriend Mon 16-Sep-19 21:07:11


MaggieMagpie357 Mon 16-Sep-19 21:07:45

@LeithWalk I like your thinking!

HJWT Mon 16-Sep-19 21:08:01

If you are SOO bothered by it why not be the bigger person and say yes you can have them are you buying to sell them on?

WaterSheep Mon 16-Sep-19 21:09:55

If you refuse to sell to her, you end up with no money and clothes you no longer need.

How is that better than making money and clearing out unwanted clothes?


LazyDaisey Mon 16-Sep-19 21:10:28

Just tell her you underpriced them to make them more affordable. But as they’re for her business, you can’t sell it to her for that price.

Blueoasis Mon 16-Sep-19 21:10:57

Take down the ad. Wait a few days to a week, put it back up with a higher price. Sell her whatever she wants.

Doubtful that she can sell it on higher. A fool and their money are easy to part. grin

needsahouseboy Mon 16-Sep-19 21:11:16

I wouldn’t like if either and if no one else wanted them I’d take them to the charity shop. It’s just a bit snidy to buy stuff off someone you know and then sell it for a higher price, if you ask me

LazyDaisey Mon 16-Sep-19 21:11:16

More affordable to other mums, I mean.

That way, you get a little dig at her new business too grin

CheeryB Mon 16-Sep-19 21:11:55

If she had approached me honestly and said, I'd like to buy them to sell on, I'd have less of a problem with it. But she hasn't done that. So I feel like she's been dishonest

If she pays what you're asking then they belong to her. She doesn't have to tell you what she intends to do with them. That's not dishonest.

Whitejasmine Mon 16-Sep-19 21:18:28

This is what’s called “cutting off your nose to spite your face” my dear!

Whitejasmine Mon 16-Sep-19 21:20:58

This is what is called “cutting off your nose to spite your face” my dear! But it’s your stuff, you can sell it to whomever you like - guess it depends how much you need the money.

Whitejasmine Mon 16-Sep-19 21:21:51

Oops posted twice!

SadOtter Mon 16-Sep-19 21:22:26

lots of her friends seem to buy her stuff through Fb

Ah, if shes using her personal page to sell it then you need to relist it, tagging her in the post with your asking price so everyone she'd be selling to sees it. Petty yes but it might make you feel better and one of her customers might decide to buy direct from you.

Notwiththeseknees Mon 16-Sep-19 21:25:57

I've read some funny things on Mumsnet, some heartbreaking things and some very interesting things. But this must be the most petty thing I've ever read and it's really quite sad too.

ElevenSmiles Mon 16-Sep-19 21:27:07

This woman you dislike sells to lots of her friends.....Jealous OP ?

RavenLG Mon 16-Sep-19 21:27:47

Would you ask a total stranger what purpose the clothes were for?
So why does it matter so much to you that your friend tells you that she is going to sell them?

ReanimatedSGB Mon 16-Sep-19 21:32:37

You sound remarkably unpleasant: self-righteous, spiteful and illogical. She has offered to pay you the asking price for the goods you are trying to sell. She doesn't owe you 'honesty' about whether she is going to sell them on or not (it's very different from people who beg and scrounge for outgrown clothes from their friends' DC and then sell them on.)
I deal in secondhand books. I get some stock from eBay when people are selling stuff that is worth rather more than the auction start price - I put in a bid but only up to the maximum that will allow me to make an additional profit. Anyone who deals in used items wants to buy stuff they know they can put a mark up on. It isn't wrong to do this (and the dealer, remember, has to spend time as well as money cleaning up the item, photographing it, or getting up v early to go to selling events (and paying all the travel and other expenses of doing an event) with no guarantee that it will sell at the price they think they can get for it - or at all.

RushianDisney Mon 16-Sep-19 21:38:14

Do you expect everyone who buys something from you to declare their intentions for the item? Utterly ridiculous.

goldfinchfan Mon 16-Sep-19 21:47:36

Why not ask her for a percentage of the profit and work with her?

Chloemol Mon 16-Sep-19 21:56:24

Sell them to her at a price you want. If she buys and makes no profit that’s her issue

TreeSunset Mon 16-Sep-19 21:59:40

If she’s going to pay the price you are happy to sell at / listing then I really don’t see the problem?
If she was asking for a discount and selling at the price you would then yes cheeky, but if you list for £5 and she pays that I don’t see the issue?

Moominfan Mon 16-Sep-19 22:04:46

Don't sell them to her and post them on depop or vinted.

Mycatwontstopstaring Mon 16-Sep-19 22:17:40

I absolutely get that you don’t want a woman you dislike to profit from your personal items, especially if she’s hounding you about it. Block her on Facebook, sell the clothes, then unblock her. Or just tell her they’re all gone, then sell on eBay or give to charity.

GibbonLover Mon 16-Sep-19 22:19:16

I'm not very comfortable with you buying these to sell on for your own profit

This is what every single retail business in the world does - buys things to sell on at profit. You sound a bit jealous.

Moomin8 Mon 16-Sep-19 22:23:51

Why on Earth are you bothered who buys them?

Surely her money is as good as anyone else's?

Unless there is a back story of her subjecting disadvantaged people to sweatshop conditions in her home grown business YABVU and are overthinking the whole thing.

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