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He read my messages!

(174 Posts)
GraceIsAce Mon 16-Sep-19 16:56:35

Hi! Can you help me cause it's caused a big argument with my BF.

I've been with my BF about 1 year and I thought everything was going fine. But the other day he told me he went through my phone and read my messages! He got all upset cause about 2 weeks after we got together I had sex with someone else but we weren't properly together then so I don't know why he got so upset. He found some messages talking about it and now he knows and he's all cross with me. But we weren't even together and he doesn't understand me.

Anyway I am annoyed cause he looked at my phone so AIBU?

Oodlesandpoodles Mon 16-Sep-19 16:58:33

Is this a joke...

So a person who thought they were serious with you, gets upset when you just casually mentions you boned someone else and doesn’t trust you ... shocking.

GraceIsAce Mon 16-Sep-19 17:02:13

Of course its not a joke why would you say that? I am really upset that he read my messages. We weren't even that serious after 2 weeks tho

squeakybike Mon 16-Sep-19 17:02:36

Not sure what "not together properly" means, but you slept with someone else. Within two weeks. I'd be fucked off.

proseccoaficionado Mon 16-Sep-19 17:03:15

I'd dump you in a second.

Gillian1980 Mon 16-Sep-19 17:04:21

You are both being unreasonable.

You slept with with someone else. He read your messages.

Tutlefru Mon 16-Sep-19 17:05:37

But you were together?! confused

Wildorchidz Mon 16-Sep-19 17:05:38

What you did was worse than what he did.

Notajogger Mon 16-Sep-19 17:05:53

What is "not properly together" for you OP? Does he feel you were together at that point?

DameFanny Mon 16-Sep-19 17:06:23

Yanbu to be appalled that he went through your phone and completely disregarded your privacy.

He's nbu to be upset you slept with someone else when you were getting together - but you say you weren't serious - and weren't exclusive - did he know that at the time?

Regardless, he had no right to go through your phone - don't let him tell you otherwise

SparklyMagpie Mon 16-Sep-19 17:07:35

It's the whole "we were on a BREAK!!" scenario isn't it ? 😂
Yeah shouldn't have read your messages but I wouldn't be trusting you either

nonmerci Mon 16-Sep-19 17:07:53

I’d be pretty gutted if I found out my DH did this too.

FoxSquadKitten Mon 16-Sep-19 17:08:19

What you did was worse than what he did.

^this

DementorsKiss Mon 16-Sep-19 17:08:54

He clearly doesn't trust you & from the sound of it is right not to

Wildorchidz Mon 16-Sep-19 17:09:06

Was he suspicious? Is that why he read your messages? Were his ‘spidey’ senses tingling??

swingofthings Mon 16-Sep-19 17:09:42

In just two paragraphs, you say that you were together and then say you weren't? Which was was it?

I find it strange of you start seeing something you believe you like that you'd be having sex with someone else. Most people would find this upsetting.

C0untDucku1a Mon 16-Sep-19 17:09:42

How old are you? I assume young and your werent together ‘officially’ at that point. I assume you werent exclusive after two
Weeks of knowing someone! Or you hadnt had the conversation about whether you were exclusive or
Not. If so, yanbu. BUt why are you still discussing it with someone?

Did he say why he read your messages?

user1493413286 Mon 16-Sep-19 17:10:50

He shouldn’t have looked at your messages but I understand him being hurt; either you were together or not at that time

swingofthings Mon 16-Sep-19 17:10:55

reading your phone messages behind your back is not good behaviour though.

MsVestibule Mon 16-Sep-19 17:11:24

I'd be really upset if I'd found out that a BF had done this, but (unless I thought he was cheating), I'd never read his messages.

Does he say why he read your messages confused. Isn't that a really weird thing for somebody to do in a relationship?

dollydaydream114 Mon 16-Sep-19 17:13:26

You are both BU.

BumbleBeee69 Mon 16-Sep-19 17:13:45

Why did he feel it necessary to go through your phone though ? and why has he waited until now to mention it ?

butterandbread Mon 16-Sep-19 17:16:51

Is part of it that he’s hurt by the way you’ve talked about it/the fact that you have? Were these recent messages he’s found? Because if so I could understand him being upset that this is something you’d be talking to a friend about now. (As in why has it been brought up, were you fondly remininiscing, etc)

bunnypenny Mon 16-Sep-19 17:17:21

Assuming you hadn’t had the exclusivity chat when you slept with someone else, then whatever, you were single albeit dating someone. Obviously if you’d agreed to be exclusive by that point, then sleeping with someone else was wrong.

That being said even if you were single I can see why he’d be upset (if the shoe was on the other foot, you would be too). But why did he read your messages? That’s wrong and an invasion of privacy. He clearly doesn’t trust you so what happened to lead to this?

SunshineCake Mon 16-Sep-19 17:18:41

And to think the young of today think they know it all, have it all sorted and think their way is better grinhmm.

You were both in the wrong and on balance you more than him, marginally.

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