To cancel my husband's secret sex toy for himself?

[Tacklesbarbie]

I've NC'd for this as it's quite revealing!

My DH and two DCs share an Amazon Prime account. We've recently ordered a lot of back to school stuff and I was checking order statuses today.

One of them was for what I initially thought was a vibrator as, until a few years ago my DH, on occasions, would 'surprise' me with a gift of one (I never requested it). Our sex life used to be great, but in recent years has got much less exciting due to work pressures and age etc, but recently picked up nicely on holiday.

When I looked more closely though it turned out to be a long vibrating tube designed to look like a vagina at the entrance which you obviously stick your penis into! I was mortified and repulsed and promptly cancelled it (it cost £42 from our joint account!).

As my DH set up the account all order notifications are emailed to him, so he must know what I've done, but has been extra breezy all day. We therefore both know what the other one knows but can't talk about it!

I can't help but feel absolutely reviled at the thought of him wanting to use this thing but, on reflection, AIBU? IME if a male partner discovered his female partner had ordered a vibrator he'd be thrilled and turned on, so you could argue why is the reverse so repulsive to me? There is just something desperate and emasculating about the idea of him using this thing, probably because we've typically used a vibrator as a part of the sex we've had together (I've rarely used one alone).

Just when I was thinking he found me sexy again and was looking forward to being intimate with him, this has made me recoil from him. He tried to instigate sex tonight and I've politely made excuses.

I feel really awkward about talking to him about it and definitely can't speak to friends about it either, so wondered what people on Mumsnet thought!

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If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

[HeadintheiClouds]

Why would anyone order that on an account shared with their children? Don’t believe it.

[surlycurly]

I think it's sad that he couldn't tell you. I think it's sad that you're repulsed. I think you need to have a conversation.

[Sparklesocks]

He ordered it on the same account as your kids share? Jeez, parenting fail.

You need to speak to him directly. You’re married, you need to have adult conversations ‘awkward’ or not.

[GunpowderGelatine]

I think it's sad that he couldn't tell you. I think it's sad that you're repulsed. I think you need to have a conversation

Sad for someone who isn't over the moon about their husband ordering a fake vagina to stick his dick in on an account he shares with children? What kind of woke bullshit is this?!

[raspberryk]

I'd be fucking livid if I wanted to buy a sex toy and my dp cancelled the order!

[Ahundredpercentthatbitch]

He ordered it on an account your kids have access to? And he used joint money?? So the fake, wanking vagina is technically half yours.

I’d definitely be having words.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

It’s called a flesh light and it’s no weirder than a vibrator. No reflection on you or your bits, he just wants a toy too. Were your sex toys paid for from the joint account? Your reaction is very odd and I’d have a think about why you have a hierarchy of plastic fun in your head. Talk to your husband!

[Tacklesbarbie]

Yes sad and highly irresponsible but very true I'm afraid, which makes it all the worse.

[Bubbles121]

I think if a man cancelled his wife's vibrator purchase because he was repulsed by it, that would be considered controlling and unacceptable by MN standards. I think that you don't get to decide how your husband masturbates and it's a bit controlling to react in this way. If you have an issue with him using the joint account for this purchase then raise that aspect with him, does he have a personal bank account also?

How do you feel about him masturbating in general?

[WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps]

Weird how you've casually thrown in the part about sharing the account with your children with no mention of them possibly seeing the order 🙄

[Tacklesbarbie]

AnneLovesGilbert that made me laugh - I guess these are perhaps the 'enlightened' perspectives I was hoping for!

[WhyBirdStop]

The only thing not ok here, is ordering from an account the children use, other than that what's the issue? You've used vibrators, that's just a male one

[QueefLatifah]

Boak

[FuckFacePlatapus]

Yabu, you have no right to cancel it. Its a toy ffs, no different to a woman using one. Get a grip.

[Treaclebee]

The only bit of this I'd have a problem with is that kids could see what had been ordered. That for me would not be ok. Otherwise it's just like a woman having a vibe.

[Okmama]

Bit weird init

[CmdrCressidaDuck]

If there was any possibility your children could see the order it was unwise, but you don't get to decide how he wanks, or what with, and you were well out of line to cancel it, which you're compounding with this silly not mentioning it.

[Mythreefavouritethings]

Sometimes this site can help people find their voice, help them identify abuse or find ways of moving forward with support. And then this. You cancelled your husband’s sex toy, making a decision about what he is allowed to use as a sex aid? And now the poor guy has to walk around all bright and breezy? I suggest you come off this site and go and have an adult conversation with the man you married and cared enough for to have children with.

[FiddlesticksAkimbo]

YABU (and controlling)

[Genevieva]

Add in Alexa notifications and that could make for an embarrasing interruption when you have guests!

[Proseccoinamug]

Are your children using amazon family or are they using the full account with the same login? Or are they young children using amazon kids?

This makes a difference!

If they can see the order then that’s an issue and DH should be more discreet.

Other than that YABVU to cancel his order!

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Not sure I’ve ever been called enlightened before but happy to help

[Mythreefavouritethings]

Agree with not ordering on site accessible to the children. Jeez 🤦‍♀️

[Tacklesbarbie]

I think the main thing for me is that this was going to be a very private thing for him (well I certainly wouldn't be hanging around while he used it!), and vibrators have been something we've both used together during sex. I've never had the inclination to use one on my own, and can never remember where he keeps them either!!

[123chocolate]

You sound so controlling. Poor husband. If the roles were reversed people would be outraged.