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To ask this person to stop 'ruffling' my DCs hair?

(140 Posts)
FeatherySquawkington Sun 15-Sep-19 08:56:26

We go to church on Sundays and one man always insists on ruffling both my DS's hair. I hate it, it makes me cringe. How do I ask him not to without sounding rude? At the moment I use avoidance tactics e.g put hoods up or try to slip past as quickly as possible but not always successful.... (I understand this sounds a bit petty but it does really bug me!)

Hahaha88 Sun 15-Sep-19 08:58:57

Surely what matters is whether it bothers your kids, rather than you, as you know it's not your hair

DriftingLeaves Sun 15-Sep-19 08:59:33

If the DCs don't mind then it isn't a problem.

Countrylifeornot Sun 15-Sep-19 08:59:45

Bow old is DS, does it bother him? I couldn't get worked up about this, unless of course there is a huge drip feed coming.

nitgel Sun 15-Sep-19 09:00:23

Do it back to him

Thehop Sun 15-Sep-19 09:00:24

Tell them your ds have nits?

FeatherySquawkington Sun 15-Sep-19 09:00:32

The little one doesn't like it. Maybe I should tell him to say so next time it happens.

FeatherySquawkington Sun 15-Sep-19 09:01:49

No drip feed, I just don't like someone who is practically a stranger rubbing his big sweaty hand all through my children's hair.

MarthasGinYard Sun 15-Sep-19 09:02:39

Bloody hell

PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya Sun 15-Sep-19 09:02:50

nitgel has the best idea. Do it back to him.

Leosnewmummy Sun 15-Sep-19 09:03:43

Put gel in their hair for church. Nice and sticky smile

FeatherySquawkington Sun 15-Sep-19 09:04:15

I would do it back but he is 6ft something and I'm only 5ft 1......

Newgirls Sun 15-Sep-19 09:05:45

Big smile and say ‘please don’t touch their hair anymore’ walk on.

It’s wrong that this man has put you in this position that you feel uncomfortable with. Touching children/other people is one of those things that we’ve normalised and we will look back and think how odd that we ever did. You don’t have to soothe his feelings and it’s your job sadly to have to step in.

Funnyface1 Sun 15-Sep-19 09:06:02

Well it's either "please don't touch my children" or put something horrible in their hair. How bold are you?

BertrandRussell Sun 15-Sep-19 09:08:52

“I’m sorry- but could you not touch their hair? They don’t like it”

Wolfiefan Sun 15-Sep-19 09:09:55

Don’t ask your child to say something. You’re the parent. You say they don’t like it. confused

YeOldeTrout Sun 15-Sep-19 09:10:48

"My kids are too polite to make a fuss but I have to tell you that they really don't like their hair being ruffled. It's fine to still have friendly chat with them, of course."

He'll probably be horrified. He just wanted some human contact. A lot of lonely people out there.

Yika Sun 15-Sep-19 09:12:53

Perhaps try to find a moment beforehand to take him aside and tell him that neither the DC nor you like it? I assume he thinks he is making a friendly gesture.

FeatherySquawkington Sun 15-Sep-19 09:13:55

I don't think he's lonely, he does have a family and grandchildren of his own who are there too. I might go down the gel route, less embarrassing.

JollyRocker Sun 15-Sep-19 09:14:52

Agree with PP, I would say politely before he has the chance to do anything, “Oh I thought I’d let you know the kids don’t like people touching their hair”. I doubt he’ll do it again if you’re to the point.

Newgirls Sun 15-Sep-19 09:17:09

I don’t think you should have to put gel on their hair every week unless you and the kids like it?

Veterinari Sun 15-Sep-19 09:18:10

His big sweaty hand?

I guess you could start by working on your Christian kindness and generosity of spirit...

FeatherySquawkington Sun 15-Sep-19 09:18:13

The older one has started putting gel in his hair for school anyway so that's nothing unusual.

Newgirls Sun 15-Sep-19 09:21:39

I feel also it’s about telling the boys/all our kids - that it’s good they’ve told you they don’t like it - if you minimalise it they won’t tell you other stuff that might be more serious.

Icantthinkofanynewnames Sun 15-Sep-19 09:21:59

Sorry but I think that's quite weird and petty of you? If you say something you'll be very rude.

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