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Not invited to family party

(321 Posts)
GameOfGroans Sat 14-Sep-19 19:42:34

I'm really hurt by this- AIBU? My DP's sister and her family live a 5 hour drive away. We don't see them often, although I know them well and we have (had?) a good relationship. I'm not married to DP, although we have been together for 10 years and have 2 children. We have stayed with her a few times and she has stayed with us. Our children are similar ages.

Tonight is her 40th birthday party. My DP has driven down there and is preparing for a good night out. I was not invited. There was no mention of me coming and he didn't challenge why I wasn't asked. It's a house party so not really restricted by numbers. I was hurt and he knows this. However, (and this is the bit that really kicks me when I'm down) today I found out that his best friend was asked instead and they have gone to the party together.

I’m gutted and now feel that I am not seen as a part of their family, yet the best friend is? My DP showed me the initial invite message which states, 'it would be really good if you and best friend could come to the party.'

AIBU to be hurt?

Walkacrossthesand Sat 14-Sep-19 19:44:05

What was your DP thinking of, not challenging this?! confused

Nc1737383 Sat 14-Sep-19 19:44:50

YANBU. But did you query with your DP? What did he say?

angelopal Sat 14-Sep-19 19:46:26

You sure he just didn't pass on the invite as he wanted to go with his friend.

Windydaysuponus Sat 14-Sep-19 19:48:14

Send her a message wishing her a great night.
See what she replies.
Bet it's a 'sorry you couldn't make it'....

GameOfGroans Sat 14-Sep-19 19:48:56

I did challenge it. Didn't at first as I didn't really believe it. But he showed me the message from them today- it clearly states him and best friend. No mention of me.

GameOfGroans Sat 14-Sep-19 19:49:44

Angelopal I wondered the same 😞

Leeds2 Sat 14-Sep-19 19:50:47

Is it possible she thought that you wouldn't be able to get a babysitter? Even if this is the case, she should surely still have invited you.

Any chance DH asked her to address the invitation to him and a friend, rather than him and his wife?

Angelf1sh Sat 14-Sep-19 19:51:42

Yanbu, but I’d be surprised if she had deliberately not invited you. Maybe the invite was to all of you and the best friend? If you were excluded and you’ve not knowingly fallen out then she’s a bit weird

GameOfGroans Sat 14-Sep-19 19:52:35

It was a text message invite, but I suppose it's possible. I've been sad all day but the anger is kicking in now.

Lindy2 Sat 14-Sep-19 19:52:43

Wow. I would be bloody furious with my DP in this scenario.
He needed to question why you were not on the invitation and to ask for you to be included.
Is it adults only? Is it assumed you would stay home with the kids? You should at least have had the choice.

Witchinaditch Sat 14-Sep-19 19:54:19

Maybe there were expecting you to stay home with the kids? That’s crap though OP. Some people are thoughtless with strange ideas of family. I’d be pissed off with my DP for going though.

GameOfGroans Sat 14-Sep-19 19:54:41

He's now admitting that he should have asked and is begging forgiveness. Over text- while living it up with his mate at the party angry

Witchinaditch Sat 14-Sep-19 19:55:13

Actually maybe they just assumed you’d be going? My family never invite my DP but it’s just assumed he will be there.

Smelborp Sat 14-Sep-19 19:55:50

Yeah that’s extremely rude. Also very odd of your partner to not challenge it or ask why he’s got such a weird invite. Unless as others said he’s asked for his best friend to go instead.

GameOfGroans Sat 14-Sep-19 19:56:15

Witch I really hope that you're right and they just assumed I'd babysit. As far as I know no kids are at the party

Smelborp Sat 14-Sep-19 19:56:43

I’d be furious too OP.

DoolinEnnis Sat 14-Sep-19 19:57:10

Yanbu i would be fuming but if my dp didn’t ask I certainly would’ve done

NerrSnerr Sat 14-Sep-19 19:59:06

Are you sure they didn't just assume you'd be going as well? If a family member sent that to one of us we'd assume it was a joint invitation (or triple if friend invited too)

GameOfGroans Sat 14-Sep-19 19:59:42

That's exactly what I should have done! Really wish I had now

Windygate Sat 14-Sep-19 19:59:49

He didn't want you at the party. Sorry.

ChikiTIKI Sat 14-Sep-19 20:00:20

That's awful I'm sorry you've been excluded. I would've sent my DH with the children if he insisted on going without me smile

FamilyOfAliens Sat 14-Sep-19 20:01:25

Don’t answer his messages or even read them.

Don’t start a conversation with him about it when he gets back. Let him do the apologising and don’t tell him it’s fine. I’d be very upset about this.

And book yourself a great night out with your friends, but not him.

BumbleBeee69 Sat 14-Sep-19 20:01:32

there is way more to this OP. Your DP is a shit of grand proportions for not even questioning this.. and his Sister is a shit for excluding you (if that is truly what she did). flowers

AlwaysCheddar Sat 14-Sep-19 20:03:06

Your dp should be asking now!!!

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