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To be slightly peeved at this comment from a preschool teaching assistant.

(113 Posts)
WhenYouCantRunYouCrawl Thu 12-Sep-19 15:58:52

I live in a very wet area where practical clothing is essential. I also live somewhere where clothes and shoe shops are limited, apart from outdoor gear.

Anyway, DD has started preschool nursery and I bought her a pair of black shoes (they have a uniform) but all the "girls" shoes were those ridiculous t-bar ones which would result in wet feet so I went for a pair of plain ones from the boys section they basically look like trainers.

Dropping her off this morning and the TA commented that she had "boys shoes" on.

So now DD has decided she doesn't want to wear them anymore and wants new ones.

I'm not going to be that parent and say something but honestly, AIBU to be a teeny bit annoyed? It's hard enough trying to raise a daughter to believe that she doesn't have to conform to some princess stereotype and surely teaching staff should know better?

Witchinaditch Thu 12-Sep-19 16:00:57

I’m always for not being “that parent” but I actually would say something this time. She’s no right to comment on what your daughter wears and she’s made your daughter feel bad. I think you should say something!

Themutts Thu 12-Sep-19 16:01:04

Yes, that's a pathetic attitude for anyone to have and I'm a teacher. Girls should be able to wear sensible shoes. Not a good attitude from the TA.

Rachelover60 Thu 12-Sep-19 16:02:12

I understand how you feel but kids feel embarrassed about all sorts of things (when I was a child I was, terribly!). Personally I would be led by the child. Sorry.

The teacher shouldn't have said anything really, she was wrong to do that but it was probably off the top of her head.

Draw a line and move on. Look at ebay.

Didntwanttochangemyname Thu 12-Sep-19 16:03:22

I'm with you! I live in a similar type of area (I wonder if we are in the same place!?) and my DS has recently started preschool. I will always favour function over fashion and my DD will not be dressing in silly little party shoes to play in the mud with her brother!

IamtheDevilsAvocado Thu 12-Sep-19 16:04:28

I don't think anyone would think you are 'that' parent, unless they were completely unreasonable!

Please don't come t on her shoes being boys shoes.... I bought them to keep her feet dry.
Also I don't want her already buying into stereotypes that puts her in a lower position! And having to be a princessy girl!

Foslady Thu 12-Sep-19 16:05:44

I’d be fuming- and that parent! I have all this boys stuff/girls stuff crap, and now your dd has got upset and you have to sort that mess out all because instead of just saying ‘they’re nice - they look fast shoes’ or something nice to make her feel special about them she’s said they’re boys and made her unhappy.
So yes, I’d be telling her to watch what she says in future - would she have like being told that at dd’s age? I bet not!

Chitarra Thu 12-Sep-19 16:24:13

I would be really cross about this! It was probably just a random thoughtless comment, but how annoying!

drspouse Thu 12-Sep-19 16:27:37

I'd ask where she thought your DD was going to wear the shoes, as if on her feet then feet are the same in young girls and young boys.

PuffHuffle5 Thu 12-Sep-19 16:29:37

I agree with you OP, that is really annoying. I actually wouldn’t blame you for being ‘that parent’ in this situation. It was a shitty thing of her to say in front of your DD.

Crochetymum Thu 12-Sep-19 16:31:27

Say something, definitely, she might not realise buy she needs to be pulled up on it so she doesn't do it to somebody else. My daughter had her brothers bike to learn to ride on, blue with flames and it was "super fast" , some idiot said why are you on a boys bike, boom she wouldn't ride it. Not all girls are twirly girly types and if those shoes were more practical the dopey TA should have realised that.

Readytogogogo Thu 12-Sep-19 16:32:07

Yeah, they should know better. Silly comment, but you wonder if that attitude affects how they treat the children in the classroom. I'd be annoyed.

Crochetymum Thu 12-Sep-19 16:32:25

Ooh I've got it, send her in different (non uniform) shoes, when they ask you why, drop her right in it.

lazylinguist Thu 12-Sep-19 16:32:47

What a stupid thing to say. I'd be cross too.

LinoleumBlownapart Thu 12-Sep-19 16:33:51

I would say something. That was a nasty and unnecessary comment to make to a child, how old is she?

My daughter used to wear her brother's hand-me-downs as they were often comfortable. In reception she was wearing his old coat and another girl came up to her in the playground and said "eww you're wearing a boys coat", my son would have been mortified and refused to wear anything anyone commented on but my daughter just looked down at her coat and replied "No I'm not, I'm wearing MY coat", the other girl just shrugged and they ran off to play together.MY

So your daughter should feel proud of HER shoes. Maybe personalise them in some way.

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 12-Sep-19 16:35:36

That would annoy me. Uniform isn’t enforceable at this age. Can you get her some cheap plimsolls or send her in coloured trainers if she has them you could leave wellies for outside.

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 12-Sep-19 16:36:48

Another thought, how about buying some shoe bows or clips online?

ButterflyOne1 Thu 12-Sep-19 16:36:49

I'd be fuming too. I'd say to the TA exactly what you've said here.

Deelish75 Thu 12-Sep-19 16:38:24

I would be that parent and I would put the problem back on to them. Your DD now refuses to wear “boys” shoes do what are the pre school going to say and to get DD to change her mind and go back to wearing them.

drspouse Thu 12-Sep-19 16:38:38

@Mummyoflittledragon why the heck would you, it's the TA that is out of order, why would you want to change what a child is wearing because of that?

That's like saying, oh, my friend doesn't like my child's outfit, I must change it.

RosaWaiting Thu 12-Sep-19 16:38:40

Be that parent. The TA said a really stupid thing.

MrsWooster Thu 12-Sep-19 16:39:52

I think you are right, the TA was entirely inappropriate to make that comment and I think you should take it further-the TA is responsible, in part, for the ethos in which your dd will learn and she’s in danger of reinforcing the damaging stereotypes that limit our kids-will she tell girls to play more quietly and neatly? Boys to stop crying and be Big boys..? I would even chuck her under the authority-bus and tell your dd that even grown ups are silly sometimes and doesn’t (TA) realise that speedy kids need speedy shoes?! She has forfeited her right to have the unquestioning respect of the kids.

Definitelynothavingchildren Thu 12-Sep-19 16:40:10

This is a stupid comment that reinforces gender binaries. You should be peeved.

Aderyn19 Thu 12-Sep-19 16:40:45

I also think you have to say something. The TA has caused your child to not want to wear something practical and sensible, that you have spent good money on - maybe the TA would like to pay for the replacement? If not, she needs to think before speaking.

Hadalifeonce Thu 12-Sep-19 16:42:18

I would have a quiet word with this TA, and calmly tell them that as a result of the careless sexist comment, DD no longer wants to wear her shoes, and ask them what they propose to do about it, as you can't afford to buy her any others.

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