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Bullied at sch by DB GF and she is still the same. Do I tell ?

(348 Posts)
Highfivemum Thu 12-Sep-19 14:04:16

Here goes.
My brother who is in his late 30’s and a great man has recently introduced me to his girlfriend,he has confided in me he intends on proposing to her on her birthday in October. My brother and I are very close due to family circumastances. He is a widow having lost his first wife 3 years ago. This is his first girlfriend since and they have been dating for 4 months. They met abroad as they were both working, hence this was the first time I met her. I thought she looked a tad familiar when I said hello and i racked my brains as to why I thought she looked vaguely familiar. She seemed fine. Polite and I was happy that my DB seemed happy after years of sadness. While saying good bye I suddenly got this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. She was a girl who bullied me for 18 months at school. She literally made my life hell. I moved schools and had not seen her since she was about 15. Our school had a huge catchment area and she lived on the other side of where we did so never saw her again. The awful feelings I got resurfaced. I mentioned it to my DH and we both agreed as she seem really nice and pleasant not to rock the boat as it was a long time ago. Last night we met up again. During our conversation my brother mentioned schools. He is 8 years younger than me so didn’t go to the school she did and had no Idea about us. She has told him she went to a totally different school. He then said we were the same age so would have been in the same school year. I just said yes and left it there. I went to the toilet and as I was leaving she was stood there she said to me. She knew I knew who she was from the past and I would i not to say anything as she loved him. I was about to say it’s in the past and let’s leave it there. But she then said if you do say something you will regret it !!!! I will move home away and cut you out of his life. !! I was mortified. I felt shaky all like I did as a kid again. Don’t know how I kept my composure to go back to my DH. She came out all smiles cuddling my brother.
Do I tell him. I love my DB so much and I can’t bear him to be hurt but I worry she will pull him away and I will lose him.

CSIblonde Thu 12-Sep-19 14:07:06

I'd tell him, she hasn't changed & she'll probably reveal her true colours once married. It must bother him too, as he's the one who brought up schools, so don't feel bad, you're saving him from heartache down the line.

Crazycrazylady Thu 12-Sep-19 14:07:23

God yes

Tell him

Drogosnextwife Thu 12-Sep-19 14:07:38

I would tell him. It looks like you may lose him even if you don't say anything if she gets her way.

endofthelinefinally Thu 12-Sep-19 14:08:53

Please tell him. She will make him miserable.

BeenHereForAges Thu 12-Sep-19 14:09:32

Yes you tell him absolutely everything or prepare to be blackmailed by her for the duration of her relationship/marriage with your brother.
She sounds awful. I hope he listens to you.

Didntwanttochangemyname Thu 12-Sep-19 14:10:37

Tell him. Calmly.
Tell him about the bullying, and then explain what she said to you recently, and leave it there.
If he chooses to stay with her, let him, don't get drawn in. If she starts to behave in an erratic manner she will out herself as a bitch.

mbosnz Thu 12-Sep-19 14:10:57

Definitely tell him. Vicious bitch that she is. At least give him the heads up - it's up to him what he does with the information.

messolini9 Thu 12-Sep-19 14:11:16

Hold on - he's been dating her FOUR MONTHS & thinks it's time to propose??? For dogsake donlt let him throw his life away like this!

She has told him she went to a totally different school.
Aha. A guilty liar, as well as a bully.

But she then said if you do say something you will regret it !!!! I will move home away and cut you out of his life
I cannot believe that somebody who says she has a close relationship with her brother would hesitate for one tiny second about this.

If you don't tell him, you are letting him marry a coercive controlling bitch.
Are you gonna let him do that, OP?

Tell the truth! She can only "pull him away" if he lets her - & with your warning, he's not going to let her, is he?

The lying about the school is the clincher.
She lied to avoid the fact that she used to bully you so badly that you had to move schools. Do you really believe he is going to put a 4 month relationship ahead of you, & your fears for both of you?

Cheeserton Thu 12-Sep-19 14:11:29

Tell him and do it quickly. That's outrageous.

2girlsandagap Thu 12-Sep-19 14:12:42

Tell him. Bullying aside, The fact that she’s lied about her school raises huge red flags for me- what else is she lying about?

UnderTheButtNutHut Thu 12-Sep-19 14:12:43

If you bow down to this threat then that'll be the start of it. Tell him and let him make his own decision.

Bookworm4 Thu 12-Sep-19 14:12:47

I’d get her into a conversation and record her.

ConkerGame Thu 12-Sep-19 14:13:16

sad sorry OP, that’s awful. Maybe tell him in a gentle way? E.g. you’re so sorry to bring this up because you want him to be happy and you were excited for him getting married again, but you can’t let him go through with this without knowing what she’s actually like. They haven’t been together that long so hopefully he will believe you as you’re close.

Also definitely do tell him what she said about you regretting it and keeping him out of your life. That way if she starts trying to do anything he’ll be able to spot it and see that you were telling the truth.

Stressedout10 Thu 12-Sep-19 14:14:19

Tell him before she wrecks his life

Highfivemum Thu 12-Sep-19 14:14:49

He has no idea we were at the same school for 18 months. He is so besotted with her. He adored his first wife and he has finally found someone and I will bursting that bubble. I couldn’t bear to see him unhappy but equally I know I couldn’t bear seeing him with a bully. I am sure she will deny speaking to me. Thank you for responding

Orchidflower1 Thu 12-Sep-19 14:15:56

Tell him- you have to.

Clangus00 Thu 12-Sep-19 14:17:18

Oh absolutely tell him.
Good luck!

Chunkers Thu 12-Sep-19 14:17:19

Tell him, I reckon she will try to cut you out now anyway.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Thu 12-Sep-19 14:18:47

Agree with everyone else. It won't be easy but you must tell him.

She's lying to him already; she's lying to everyone else, and she's already threatened you to try and bully you.

You cannot let him marry this witch.

PickwickThePlockingDodo Thu 12-Sep-19 14:18:56

Oh my, I was going to say to give her a chance, she may have changed but obviously not.
Tell your DB everything ASAP thanks

bengalcat Thu 12-Sep-19 14:19:28

If it wasn’t for what she said to you I would say leave it in the past . Just tell your brother . I think I’d probably phrase it as ‘ I thought I recognised her and I was right . We did go to the same school - I wonder why she said otherwise ‘ . He will hopefully think how weird and quiz you further - you can then spill the beans , say but that was years ago and people change however ...... as others have said he can do what he likes with the information - if he goes ahead and it all goes tits up then at least you warned him . Anyone from your year you’re still mates with who can back you up ?

Highfivemum Thu 12-Sep-19 14:20:07

And yes we are extremely close. If you had seen what he has gone through over the years before his wife past and after you too would worry. I love home to bits and want what’s best and I know it’s not her. I was prepared to give her he benefit of the doubt she has changed. But she hasn’t. I will call him later and willl arrange to see him. She is attached to him like glue at the moment.

Tiredemma Thu 12-Sep-19 14:21:01

She sounds like a nasty piece of work. Tell him

Piffle11 Thu 12-Sep-19 14:23:17

FGS, TELL HIM!! If you keep quiet, she knows that in the future all she has to do is blackmail you ('I'll take him away from you') and she'll get her own way on anything (and I do think she'll drive a wedge between you no matter what you do, to ensure that you have no influence on him in the future). It's not a case of bursting his bubble: he's met someone he thinks he's clicked with, and is getting ahead of himself. 4 months is nothing: it's easy to keep up an act for that length of time. She will make his life a misery: she's already lying and showing no remorse or improvement in character. Do you have another school friend who could back you up?

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