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Friend's child

(142 Posts)
MrPickles73 Thu 12-Sep-19 08:06:23

We are friendly with another family who has a child 18 months older than our eldest. We had dinner together on Sunday and all had a good time.
Monday we met up for something else and at the end my eldest burst into tears which is uncharecteristic of her (she is 9). The other girl is 18 months older. I asked what was up and in front of the other mother my child said the other child was being really unkind. I was shocked and didn't know what to say.the other mother made her kid hug my kid and then we went home. On the way home my child gave me her version of events. The other kid had bragged about something she had made up and my child pointed out this were untrue. The other child took umbridge and then was unkind to her, saying she was stupid, didn't want to be her friend etc.
Last night I spoke to the other mother as I value her friendship. I told her what my child had said and why she was upset. She didn't seem to see that her child was in the wrong (losing her rag with my child because she'd been called out for making something up) and just said they needed their heads knocking together and perhaps my child had been feeling unwell and that was why she was do sensitive..
AIBU to be pissed off? Or did I do the wrong thing to talk to her about it?. If it were the other way I would want to know if my child was being unkind.
Later on the child's step father came over to apologise. The child has form for being unkind to other children...

allthegoodusernameshavegone Thu 12-Sep-19 08:17:52

I’m sure your friend is aware of her DD character traits and is trying to deal with her, the girls hugged and made up and you all went home, your DFs reaction was to play it down because what else was she to say about her own DD to you? YABU are you going to bring this up at every meeting? Move on and let your DD deal with her own friendships she will meet all sorts growing up and all where once children.

Goodlookingcreature Thu 12-Sep-19 08:41:32

Let it go. The girls have hugged and you’re only hearing one side of the story.

MrsEricBana Thu 12-Sep-19 08:44:14

I think let it go too. I think best not to try to fight their battles for them unless it is a serious issue.

Witchinaditch Thu 12-Sep-19 08:48:31

Sounds like both were in the wrong, maybe you’re daughter didn’t point out the other girl was making something up in a nice way and embarrassed the other girl who then retaliated. Either way you only have one side of the story. From an outsiders perspective it sounds like a silly spat and you shouldn’t fall out/be pissed off with a Friend over it.

MrPickles73 Thu 12-Sep-19 08:50:35

I don't intend to bring it up each time we meet I just thought she should know. I realise children only report their side aND she did tell me what her child had said which didn't really make sense and was confirmed later by step father as crap. At the time not much was said other than my child was crying and hers happy so she asked her to hug my child. My child continued to cry so they did not really 'make up'.
The issue for us as a family as it means we can't all hang out together if her child is going to be hostile to ours.

MrsEricBana Thu 12-Sep-19 08:54:42

I think you're over thinking this. Just because words were had between a 9 year old and a 10 year old doesn't mean the other child is "hostile". I'd try to forget it and just keep an eye on the dynamic between them going forward.

HavelockVetinari Thu 12-Sep-19 08:55:01

You are massively overthinking this. Your friend made her DD hug yours because she'd been mean. It was a trivial incident, let it go.

sparepantsandtoothbrush Thu 12-Sep-19 08:56:48

Mountain out of a molehill!

Her daughter made something up, yours pointed out it wasn't true and the other girl said she didn't want to be friends any more. Is that it? Kids fall out like that all the time. It's really not a big deal unless you make it one

RuffleCrow Thu 12-Sep-19 08:59:27

It's not going to work out, is it? This is how narcissists are created. It's that drip, drip, drip encouragement to evade personal responsibility and blame others. Hugs are neither here nor there.

HulksPurplePanties Thu 12-Sep-19 08:59:52

Dear God OP! Are you serious! 9 and 10 year old girls got in an argument and one called the other stupid!! Fuck me, call the Daily Fail!

Seriously? Are you really getting involved because a couple of pre-teen girls got in a spat? If you're going to be calling your daughters friends moms every time they get in an argument your daughter is going to very quickly have no friends.

Batqueen Thu 12-Sep-19 09:01:29

Can you teach your child a strategy to deal with it if it happens again? So if your friends DD starts being mean in future she knows to come and find you rather than let it continue to the point she gets upset. She doesn’t have to ‘tell tales’ if that’s uncomfortable but she can remove herself from the situation and you will know that she is not comfortable.

mankyfourthtoe Thu 12-Sep-19 09:01:30

You can hang out but keep the kids in earshot and have your dd doing something independent.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav Thu 12-Sep-19 09:04:09

If we all stopped speaking or seeing people who had either upset or children or us over something trivial nobody would ever have any friends!!! It's been dealt with, move on

VenusClapTrap Thu 12-Sep-19 09:06:58

it means we can't all hang out together if her child is going to be hostile to ours.

This is a massive overreaction.

TheCatInAHat Thu 12-Sep-19 09:09:39

Storm in a teacup surely?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart Thu 12-Sep-19 09:10:08

Massive over reaction on your part. You just tell your daughter to ignore other girl when she brags and to change the subject.

Btw I think your daughter knew exactly what she was doing by bursting out crying in front of your friend. She was doing it intentionally to get the other girl in trouble. There was no need for any tears or drama. All she has to do is go off and play something else if her friend is being mean.

blackcat86 Thu 12-Sep-19 09:11:51

Your being OTT. Children brag about things and get upset with each other. It's a minor disagreement and you have a chance to model how to deal with these to your child by talking to her and encouraging her to see that whilst it isn't wrong to call people out on their behaviour they are probably not going to like it. Either you dislike this child and worry about your own if the old child has form for being mean, or you dont and continue as you are

mumofone234 Thu 12-Sep-19 09:12:08

This sounds pretty standard behaviour to be honest - at primary school, I was constantly going home and saying I’d fallen out with my best friend. Within a day or two it’d all be fine again. I really wouldn’t worry unless it becomes a recurring issue.

MrPickles73 Thu 12-Sep-19 09:12:58

I appreciate kids say things to each all the time and we have two children so there is plenty of banter but this child went above that. She is a only child and treated like a faberge egg. Her mother thinks she is angel. I don't think my kids are angels but I do try to teach them to be kind. I totally get that she was caught out so then lashed out. I have never rung anyone's mum before and in fact I told her face to face as I would want to know if it were the other way round.
But I get that I should let it go..

CandyflossKing Thu 12-Sep-19 09:14:52

Being forced to 'hug it out' is not making up. I would make sure that if you meet up in future you do it without the children. They are clearly not friends and do not get on. Don't make them socialise if they don't want to.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart Thu 12-Sep-19 09:17:33

She is a only child and treated like a faberge egg. Her mother thinks she is angel.

You clearly dislike this woman’s parenting style. Why do you call her a friend when you have this contempt for her?

Icantthinkofanynewnames Thu 12-Sep-19 09:19:25

I also think you were unreasonable to bring it up to your friend. You should have let it go. You can’t always trust one child’s version of events and you can’t be sure what happened. The problem was solved and everyone moved on. Why did you bring it up again, and what did you expect your friend to do? For all you know your friends daughter told your daughter something true and your daughter accused her of being a liar which upset your friends daughter. I’m not saying that’s what happened but you simply don’t know either what really happened or what your friends daughter told your friend. Your friend is being very reasonable and I think you’re being a bit silly to be honest. I’d be upset if I were your friend and you behaved like this, to be honest.

lovemenorca Thu 12-Sep-19 09:19:28

Op given how it would seem you have over reacted to this situation - I’m wondering whether this is rubbing off on your daughter?

PrincessHoneysuckle Thu 12-Sep-19 09:20:03

I think she was just trying to smooth over the situation.Its hard for anyone to hear their child is in the wrong for anything.Let it go this time and if similar happens again take it from there.

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