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Brother’s wedding reception

(407 Posts)
VitaSackville Wed 11-Sep-19 15:25:53

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3671262-Brother-s-Wedding

I don’t know if my first attempt at a link has worked.

Last time I posted some people complained that my post was incomprehensible. I hope that I do better this time.

Essentially my brother eloped a year after my father refused to go to his wedding because he didn’t extend an invitation to my husband.
Last time people accused my father of bullying and trying to buy spaces at a small wedding because I was upset at my husband and children not making the cut. I refute both of these interpretations.

My brother had wanted a civil wedding followed by a meal at a restaurant owned by a celebrity chef. Well an invitation has arrived now at this restaurant but again for my parents, my two cousins and me. No invitation for my DH. It is an invitation from my SiL’s mother and step-father.

I don’t want a repeat of last year but I am hurt. We have asked my dad not to get involved but my mum has asked if they could pay for 3 extra places but my brother said there was no room around the table.
She asked him if he would be upset if his new wife was excluded from cousin’s forthcoming wedding. He conceded that he would because cousin is inviting partners but He isn’t.

He went on to ask her if she was suggesting that he didn’t invite some of his friends in order to invite my DH. Mum felt that a celebration could include more than one table!
My eldest cousin has said he is going without his wife so there is no drama between them. My cousin who is getting married hasn’t replied. I just don’t know what to do. I am really upset and embarrassed that my DH and my children have been excluded like this.
I thought we had recovered from the engagement/wedding drama but now this.
Brother has said that he will be hurt and embarrassed if my parents don’t go.

ChicCroissant Wed 11-Sep-19 15:31:47

He does keep trying to push the point, doesn't he!

So he's invited the cousin - but not their partner - from the wedding he and his wife have been invited to?!

Bouffalant Wed 11-Sep-19 15:36:12

Once again, your options are:

a) Go without your DH and kids

b) Decline the invite

Those are your choices. Don't try to change someone else's occasion. Of course you'd rather your family was there. But your DB wants only you, and it's his event. The end.

IsobelRae23 Wed 11-Sep-19 15:38:06

Your link didn’t work

Cuppa12345 Wed 11-Sep-19 15:40:36

I don't think yabu to be today but agree with bouffalant you will just need to choose either going or not and move on with life

whocanbebothered Wed 11-Sep-19 15:42:52

I can't understand why YOU are making this a whole thing again. It's not your celebration, you aren't paying for it, your DP aren't paying for it - It's quite simply not your decision.
Either politely decline the invite (which I think would be wrong, its your brother after all, and he has invited you to both celebrations) or go along and enjoy the evening without your husband and kids. You are allowed to go places without them you know. It might even be...fun to spend an evening with them, as opposed to being on wife and mum duty too.

WindsorDuchess Wed 11-Sep-19 15:45:14

If I'm remember the right thread, I agreed with the majority that you where in the wrong and your father was bang out of order issuing ultimatums which all back fired with them eloping.

it seems they are extending an olive branch by letting you and your parents attend the restaurant event now, its very big of them considering how they were treated by your family.

*"Mum felt that a celebration could include more than one table!" " I am really upset and embarrassed "

There wedding reception really has nothing do to with how you and your mother feel. Your choices are to either accept or decline the invite with good grace or you risk alienating your brother forever.

Dinosauratemydaffodils Wed 11-Sep-19 15:45:49

Brother has said that he will be hurt and embarrassed if my parents don’t go.

That isn't your problem though. That's up to your parents, you are not responsible for their actions and perhaps given your father's reaction last time, he should have considered that before not inviting your dh again. From the sound of, I think not inviting your children to meal like that is fair enough...your husband though is shakier ground.

Do you want to go?

IsobelRae23 Wed 11-Sep-19 15:46:04

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3671262-Brother-s-Wedding

IsobelRae23 Wed 11-Sep-19 15:46:35

I think that worked above previous thread OP made.

IsobelRae23 Wed 11-Sep-19 15:49:09

Seriously what’s the big deal? They want a small intimate family arrangement, with their closest friends. They don’t want to include in-laws and children. That’s their choice.

HerRoyalNotness Wed 11-Sep-19 15:51:33

* you risk alienating your brother forever*

Yes but has the brother even thought he risks alienating his sister and BIL. He’s being damned rude. I understand not having Dc there, but snubbing your sisters spouse? Not on.

(Yes blah blah it’s his wedding his choice)

NerrSnerr Wed 11-Sep-19 15:52:50

Go to the wedding without your husband or decline. They are your choices. Stop trying to make the day about you.

ChicCroissant Wed 11-Sep-19 15:54:11

I wouldn't go. I think I said that on the other thread as well. It is your choice though, OP. You need to make your choice without expecting your parents to choose between you and your brother though.

Are her relatives still going, or is it mainly friends then?

VitaSackville Wed 11-Sep-19 15:54:47

My dad didn’t issue ultimatums last time but was just very upset. He did not give the money to have any say but never thought those decisions would be made.
My parents were obviously aware how upset I was but at no point did I insist they didn’t go.
My cousin’s wife is upset about her exclusion but has encouraged my cousin to go.
I can’t come to terms with the decision to exclude my wonderful husband and if I am honest my children.
I can’t believe that my mutual friend’s partner is going because he happens to be a friend of brother. I don’t want to go and celebrate without my husband but don’t want to alienate brother even further.
It is hard to come to terms with them both not regarding my family as his family too.

Juells Wed 11-Sep-19 15:55:19

Some people could start a fight in an empty room

uokhun25 Wed 11-Sep-19 15:55:43

Oh for gods sake grow up!

Go or don't - it's one meal in a restaurant! If you can't cope for a few hours without your husband then don't attend

It's his wedding not yours - is he even close with your husband?? maybe he would rather his friends than your husband taking up a place!

I had a tiny wedding and MIL was trying to "buy" places - we said no, there wasn't space and we wanted to keep it small !!

You sound like hard work, he would probably be better off if you didn't attend, they don't need the drama on their big day!

Tooner Wed 11-Sep-19 15:56:31

Yes its his wedding and his choice but I think your brother is being horrible not inviting your DH and I certainly would not be attending.

CandyflossKing Wed 11-Sep-19 15:57:42

I wouldn't go. May be petty but arrange something and don't invite SIL. See what their reaction /response is.

Pootles34 Wed 11-Sep-19 15:57:57

God you all sound really spoilt. They aren't invited, so either go, or don't. You can't make someone invite a person they don't want to.

VitaSackville Wed 11-Sep-19 15:59:16

Thanks @IsobelRae23 for linking.

I do not know who else is invited apart from my extended family and this friend who texted me. I don’t know her family. My parents met her father on one occasion and my mother was at the flat once when her mother and sister was there.

Nanny0gg Wed 11-Sep-19 15:59:45

So he's inviting cousins in place of his BiL?

Didntwanttochangemyname Wed 11-Sep-19 16:00:44

Some people could start a fight in an empty room

This.

Justcallmebebes Wed 11-Sep-19 16:02:29

I recall your post Vita and I agree, this is really unreasonable of your brother unless there is some family feud you haven't mentioned. I personally would not go. I appreciate how incredibly hurt you must feel as well.

Travis1 Wed 11-Sep-19 16:02:38

I just wouldn't go. Lets be honest. Your relationship will struggle to recover either way. Sounds like he's only invited you to save his 'embarrassment' given his comments.

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