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To feel sad that I’m done with having babies..

(9 Posts)
Darksideofthemoon19 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:04:56

•I don’t mean to upset anyone!•

I had my first two children at the age of 17&19 with my now ex husband. It was bloody hard and although I adore my children I wish I had waited. Fast forward and I’m now 29 with a 12&10 year old and a 3 year old with my dh.

I’m in such a happy place mentally. After spending years with an abusive ex etc my life is going good.

But I will never have another child and I feel really upset about it. If I had met my now husband with no children I’d 100% have 2-3 with him.

We absolutely adore all the children the same.

But part of me feels sad that I have only had one child where The first year isn’t consumed by PND. Iv loved every single second of my last child, i breast fed, went to groups etc.

She starts school next year and I feel so emotional and upset that I’m never going to have those happy baby feelings again.

God I know I sound awful!!

(My secon was born 8 weeks before my mum died which caused a lot of PND!)

We can’t have anymore, we don’t have the space for another one so that’s out the question 😩

Lou0390 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:11:13

Hi, I'm sorry your feeling like this but your not alone and I feel exactly this! I feel so guilty because I have two beautiful children and am very lucky. But I also feel sad that we won't have anymore. We are in a good place, I'm back at work part time etc. If we had anymore we would need to move, new car and financially stretched etc etc.

Nonmerci Wed 11-Sep-19 12:11:48

I understand. I had three DC in quick succession at a young age with my first husband. I thought the sun shone out of his arse to begin with, we were very young and in love. That soon dissipated when we were knees deep in nappies, the lust faded away.

I’ve since remarried and we had a baby ten months ago. I think DH would love another baby but we decided four is enough for us, it’s all we have space for really. I have also wished I’d waited to meet my now DH before having children but it’s futile because my DC wouldn’t be who they are and I adore them.

Darksideofthemoon19 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:32:11

I’m so glad I’m not alone 😂

I feel like I sound ungrateful ☹️

Taggle Wed 11-Sep-19 12:45:18

I get it OP. When you've had children in the young/poor/shit relationship situation, and then you have them in the happy/settled/secure situation, the difference can come as a bit of a shock. I had my first when I was young and living with a dickhead. My child is amazing and I've never once regretted having them, and I have lots of lovely memories of their babyhood, but dear God the difference when I (much later) had the rest of my children with now DH. I didn't realise how HARD I had it the first time round - you just get on with it, don't you? Having DC was a walk in the park with now DH- even on the long days where they were ill and crotchety I knew I'd get a break, and that made all the difference. It's easier socially too- you don't get the looks and questions over age or marital status.

In the end, it's worked out and I wouldn't change it. But yes, I too have one less child than I would have had, and I also (as a rational, boring, happily married middle aged mum) get a pang of jealousy when I see newlyweds on Facebook etc have the lovely wedding and the 2.5 perfectly planned children coming lickety split afterwards. It's not even jealousy really, just a pang that they're "doing it right" and you only ever get the one chance really. When I was young I didn't appreciate how important it is to have your children with a good man you truly love and that you are married to.

audreylivesagain Wed 11-Sep-19 12:50:37

I'm the opposite lol. I have my three and I didn't really enjoy the baby stage, sleepless nights etc. I'm happy they are growing up and getting more independent.

letsjog Wed 11-Sep-19 12:57:26

I know DH always wanted 3.
I sometimes get broody seeing little squishy newborns and my ovaries go into overdrive.

We are very lucky to have two lovely healthy DCs.
We have a lot to work towards including upsizing and the increasing costs as they get older. We have settled into a comfortable routine, they are both sleeping well and we have a good work/life/school balance at the moment and I think we should appreciate what we have and be content with it as I know a 3rd would definitely overstretch us.
If we were rolling in £££s and in our dream home already etc we probably would have had one more as if would have been a bit easier on us.

RushianDisney Wed 11-Sep-19 13:32:34

I have one DD and won't be having more. I had always imagined I would have three, but as 'D'P turned out to be an abusive arse I'm not inflicting him on another child, nor am I putting myself through the baby/toddler years essentially solo again. As I'm clearly shit at choosing men (I've spent the last decade between two abusive relationships) I won't be bringing anymore children into a future relationship if I have one, I don't want the complication of a blended family or step children.

It's not ungrateful to ponder the what ifs, it's human. But, you also have to make space for being thankful for what you have now. I spend more time than I should thinking about what could have been as I am so regretful of having DD so young and in a shitty situation which has only got worse as time has gone on. I think I will forever mourn the fact I won't ever have the happy, loving family to raise DC in that I thought I would. DD has started asking for a baby brother constantly over the last few months, telling me how she would share all her toys and it is breaking my heart.

Darksideofthemoon19 Wed 11-Sep-19 22:09:09

Thanks everyone!

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