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At my lowest having a bad year

(10 Posts)
oldstudentmum Wed 11-Sep-19 02:17:02

I need words of wisdom that I normally give . My god I feel totally and utterly let down and shit upon , I gave help to an ex (turns out really bad coke head) he has gone back to the coke head gf who he said he hated and smashed up all his stuff. Yet I’m the one painted as a bad person im the one he is married to yet I’m treated and the kids like crap I don’t love him I haven’t for years but I tried to help and I have been totally shit on . I’m so not import I’m irreverent I’m nothing that’s how I feel I’m sat here ten past two in morning having a bud crying that I will never be good enough for anyone I’m never the one I’m never good enough . No matter how you help someone it gets thrown in your face . Mental note help no one

FlamedToACrisp Wed 11-Sep-19 02:50:11

Noooooo never lose your faith in humanity. There are good people out there so please don't cry over one dickhead who failed to appreciate your value. It's good that he's gone back to her, they deserve each other from the sound of it. You and the kids will be happier without him.

Aria999 Wed 11-Sep-19 05:14:20

You don't love him and he's a waste of space. He's done you the enormous favor of removing himself so you don't have to go through the stress of kicking him out. Break out the champagne and make sure he never comes back into your life.

Some people just can't be helped. Doesn't necessarily mean you were wrong to try but sounds like definitely time to let it go now.

oldstudentmum Wed 11-Sep-19 08:21:37

Does being a coke addict and alcohol etc change personality he knows by his actions it has cost him the children he doesn’t care . This person is so much more important than his children he slatted her for 8 months yet has gone back .
I suppose don’t help anyone ever the children are fine our eldest won’t communicate at all to him and blocked him herself says it all really.

Atalune Wed 11-Sep-19 08:23:09

He’s an addict. You’re well rid.

Get some counselling.

Gooseygoosey12345 Wed 11-Sep-19 08:25:55

Get yourself some counselling. He's the idiot, not you. Kind people can be taken advantage of, they doesn't mean they should stop being kind, just be more wary of who you're putting your time into. It's a life lesson, you can learn, grow and move on, it's just going to take some time. I always think these bad things are sent to show us how much we do have, and to be grateful for that. Try to concentrate on the positive things in your life.

Robin2323 Wed 11-Sep-19 09:03:38

He's an addict.
She's an addict.
Together they give each other 'permission ' to be addicts.

You can never give him that.

Yes it changes your personality.

Focus on yourself and your kids.
It's not your job to 'fix' him.

oldstudentmum Wed 11-Sep-19 09:42:44

Yes definitely well rid . I suppose what robin2323 is saying they enable each other . The gf says she is insecure when he is around me lol 😂 that makes sense now as he has never been there for the children when major hospital stuff has happened I had to deal on my own. No maintenance for the kids prob all on drugs . It all makes sense now.
They invent history I suppose, my father was a alcoholic he did said to my face how he made sure we never went without how he was a good provider. Yet my memory is of my mother being the provider, the worker and asking my gran for help as bailiffs were at the door etc. He would take jewellery pawn it I had a jar of change he took all the 20p s so I didn’t notice for ages.
Things have gone here as well my daughters laptop yes he bought it but it was hers a Xmas present. Money from kitchen the emergency funds. Askihg for £20 because he wanted to get sone food then retexting oh the bank account swallowed it “I must have been overdrawn can you lend me another £20” I was reading another thread where a cousins bf was asking for loans most said coke as £40 for a hit.
I feel so stupid but it’s helping writing about it . It releases the feelings by putting it down in writing in black and white and my experience with my own father will help as with him I went low contact. I’m of the mindset that to promote healthy growth you prune the dead heads and cut them off then the tree or rose grows healthier stronger and more beautiful flowers if that makes sense.

Robin2323 Wed 11-Sep-19 11:06:45

I think you've nailed.
Keep writing if you're finding it therapeutic.

It does take time to process and you look back and think why didn't I realise sooner?

But you needed that time

oldstudentmum Wed 11-Sep-19 12:42:13

Thank you. I will keep writing I was ratched with guilt for a month as I asked him to change address collect belongings he made me feel guilty. I feel my actions in some way made him go back to the old gf. He was disappearing for days on end obviously going on benders, I just didn’t realise how bad his addiction was. Saying that he didn’t to my knowledge do it here. He now is back where the drugs are easy to obtain where as here he didn’t know anyone. All my previous suspicions were confirmed and now there is evidence. The man he once was has gone and won’t be back which is sad.

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