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Who is BU

(194 Posts)
Fizzypoo Tue 10-Sep-19 18:52:59

AIBU yes is he BU no

Ds (12) washes up every night.

Last night he didn't wash the slow cooker pot and a couple of cups/ice-cream bowls that were left in the living room (pudding on the sofa later on in the evening rather than straight after dinner).

This morning I text him and said in a jokey way that I was saving the bits he missed for later. I.e natural consequences.

Ds came home from school after film club with his mate. He came in and asked if he could do the bits he missed with the rest of the dinner stuff later as he brought his friend home. I said yes. In my mind there's not a lot of difference and he will still have the same amount to do taking the same amount of time.

Dp (been together a few years, he's only been living with us for four months) has come home from work on his turn to cook dinner and is not happy. Dp is annoyed that DS is playing playstation in his room with his mate and hasn't washed up yet. I said I didn't really think it mattered as he will still have the same amount to do. Dp is now annoyed that ds hasn't been punished (his words) and felt that him washing up twice was the punishment and is unhappy that I haven't enforced it.

I don't believe this is the big crime of the century which needs a punishment. Natural consequences and a don't take the piss and do it again is fine imo. Dp is now reacting like this as it's a personal problem and telling ds he is not impressed as it's not the way he would have done it and is taking away a pound out of his pocket money.

I don't want to live in a putative overly harsh and critical home. I enforce boundaries and am pretty strict. If I say no DC listen. They don't need me to be overly harsh to get them to behave.

littlepaddypaws Tue 10-Sep-19 18:54:40

dp sounds a right knob over this.

Winterfellismyhome Tue 10-Sep-19 18:55:20

Why does DS have to do the dishes every night? Doesnt seem like a fair allocation of chores

TheTrollFairy Tue 10-Sep-19 18:56:32

Your DP is being overly harsh
The washing up will be done. Why punish a teen for a non issue? He said he’ll do the washing up and hasn’t argued about it.
I’m guessing your DP does EVERY job at the exact correct time..!

BayandBlonde Tue 10-Sep-19 18:56:30

DP sounds like an idiot. Is he your DS' dad? If not your DS should tell him to get stuffed! DP has only been there four months, if he doesn't like it he can go IMO

Ginger1982 Tue 10-Sep-19 18:57:06

He's a knob.
Don't let him take money from your DS if you don't agree.

RandomMess Tue 10-Sep-19 18:57:22

It's your home and your DS and your solution is appropriate tell DP to get a grip.

It's a standing joke in our house that something always manages to get missed when you wash up!!

Fizzypoo Tue 10-Sep-19 18:57:26

DS washes, DD dries. They do this for their pocket money.

Personal responsibility and all that...

dementedpixie Tue 10-Sep-19 18:57:51

Does your dp need the slow cooker or the bowls for making dinner? If not, then does it really matter when they get done as long as they get done at some point? I often dont sort the dishes out on the day they got dirty but it's not the end of the world

GlitchStitch Tue 10-Sep-19 18:58:45

My heart always sinks when I read about these blokes who have been moved in to a child's home and start on them. Why does your boyfriend think he can punish your son? He's been living with him 5 minutes and sounds like a total prick.

Merryoldgoat Tue 10-Sep-19 18:59:17

Your DP sounds like an arsehole.

Perch Tue 10-Sep-19 18:59:28

It is none of his business how you discipline your child! I am quite strict with my kids and chores but really, does he do all the dishes every night??
Never choose a man over your child.

Merryoldgoat Tue 10-Sep-19 19:02:00


Mine too - I just don’t get it.

Ravingstarfish Tue 10-Sep-19 19:02:39

Firstly making him do the dishes every night is mean. Secondly why couldn’t you have just washed up the pot rather than waiting this evening? Thirdly why is your new boyfriend allowed to talk to you ds like that? Have anything to do with ds discipline? And take pocket money off him?

Powerplant Tue 10-Sep-19 19:03:50

Please don’t let your DP spoil your relationship with your children. You are their mother and it’s entirely up to you how you deal with them. Don’t let this man grind you down to his way of thinking

missnevermind Tue 10-Sep-19 19:04:16

It sounds to me the same rule as when doing the washing. Only clothes that make it into the washing basket get washed.
Your DS washed the dishes that were in the washing area. The ones not brought out didn't appear on his radar.
The slow cooker pot is a different matter. Nobody wants to wash that 😉

SurfingGiantess Tue 10-Sep-19 19:05:35

Wow. It's not his place to take away pocket money!!! Especially since you've already dealt with the issue. D's asked you nicely and you agreed. Nothing wrong with it. Sound like your p has no children and no clue. Asshole move man.

MrsAJ27 Tue 10-Sep-19 19:05:36

Why does your partner think he has any say in how you discipline your children? Taking some of his pocket money is ridiculous and hope you put your foot down! Your partner needs to back off and concentrate on making the dinner.

RB68 Tue 10-Sep-19 19:05:40

I think it was unfair - why sdidn't dishes find their way to kitchen for cleaning - that is more of an issue in my view and if along time after dinner its not part of dinner washing up either. Sounds like something was accidentally missed an dmakes perfect sense o do all at once - he asked if that was Ok and you said yes - none of your DP business he needs to back off

AmIRightOrAMeringue Tue 10-Sep-19 19:06:48

Wow its harsh of your husband. More so because your son actually checked with you he could do it tonight and you agreed. So effectively your husband is punishing him for following your instructions! He has completely undermined you there

eladen Tue 10-Sep-19 19:07:39

Why have you let him treat your child like this?

He's on a power trip.

Fizzypoo Tue 10-Sep-19 19:08:04

Ds started washing up after spending a lot of money on fortnite using my card. After he paid his debt off we worked this out for him and then dd to get pocket money. They're happy with this btw! They're not little servants.

Awrite Tue 10-Sep-19 19:09:40

Don't let your dp bully your son. Please. Stick up for your son, that's your job.

Your son seems good natured and will get the job done tonight, no quibbles. I feel for him.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 10-Sep-19 19:10:29

I've been with DH for years, and even now he would not ever discipline my son.

Your P needs some serious discipline himself.

bakebeans Tue 10-Sep-19 19:10:34

He’s bloody 12!!!! Your Dp is definitely being unreasonable. He needs telling

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