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To object to being told what to drink / is this mansplaining?

(95 Posts)
Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Sep-19 22:48:26

Im actually laughing at the utterly ridiculousness of this. So im currently speaking to a guy who i briefly dated over the last few months. We are very different people but we do like each other and seem inexplicably drawn to each other.
Anyway, we have been rehashing why it didnt work and i told him i didnt like how he always told me what to do. He said he only told me to not swear as he doesnt like swearing fuck off. I said he told me what to do all the time.
Example: en route to a meal on a hot day, i said 'Ooo i fancy a nice refreshing glass of soda water'. His response is 'What's wrong with tap water'. Im a bit like hmm and he kind of pushed it a bit going on for my to get tap water.
He is saying he only said that because 'I thought you were trying to be healthy'. But soda water IS healthy?! It is literally just carbonated water. No calories, sugar, sweeteners, nada!!! Just a nice refreshing drink! Half the time it doesnt even cost anything because places have it on tap.
Sorry i digress. Anyway, conversation goes along the lines of:
Me: "How is soda water not healthy?!"
Him: "Dont know what it is. All i know is tap water is good".
So he doesn't even know what it is but still felt the need to tell me to get something different! Am i not an intelligent enough woman to be able to pick my own soft drink?!
We're having the most ridiculous debate and he cannot seem to grasp the concept that it's rather patronizing & draining when someone feels the need to challenge your every choice. Like ive got to my 30's without being able to make a decision on what soft drink to order hmm.
He is saying ive made a massive deal out of it he doesnt care what i drink. Well why tell me to do something else then?
Thats like going oh you support Tottenham do you, how about support Chelsea instead?
He says why am i making a big deal about it, if this bothers you then i dread what serious issues are like.
Because my friend, If you are this controlling over what type of water i drink then i dread how you would be over serious joint decisions!

Nicknacky Mon 09-Sep-19 22:52:02

Jeez you are hard work. He just asked a question.

HennyPennyHorror Mon 09-Sep-19 22:53:35

confused why would you even waste your time talking to him now?

Sounds like he's tight...thinks soda water will cost something so tap water's better. Or he thinks you're a bit of a princess and tried to bring you down a bit to what he sees as more "normal".

RoomR0613 Mon 09-Sep-19 22:54:18

It's not 'mansplaining' but it is deeply irritating.

It sounds like he's just contrary for the sake of it because he thinks he knows better.

weaningwoes Mon 09-Sep-19 22:55:40


Are you for real??

OP he sounds like a knob and you did well to bin him. YABU to let him wasted any more of your time rehashing it - don't you realise this is just an extension of his need to question your every decision? You owe him no justification, no time, no attention. Block and move on.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 09-Sep-19 22:56:06

He asked you what was wrong with tap water. That’s not controlling, it’s a question. Soda water is rank.

It didn’t work out, you’re not compatible. I don’t see the big deal tbh. Move on.

Nicknacky Mon 09-Sep-19 22:57:52

I’m very real, thanks. He asked a question and it’s been totally blown out of proportion.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre Mon 09-Sep-19 23:01:21

If he annoys you so much why are you back talking to him? It's never going to work.

Slink01 Mon 09-Sep-19 23:01:35

Sounds like a bell end. Personally hate the term "mansplaining" it makes me cringe. I prefer just saying someone is a know it all prick as that way no need to gender it. In this case he isnt even a know it all just the prick bit. Dont worry us males will find him just as obnoxious as you do.

weaningwoes Mon 09-Sep-19 23:02:53

Fucks sake. Who questions someone else's choice of drink? I don't like stout,but I don't give my friend a bunch of shite every time she orders a Guiness. It's just... Rude!

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Sep-19 23:03:16


I didnt respond like that at the time i didnt even really mention it. It is only now it has been brought up later on only as an example of how he would challenge virtually any choice i made.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Sep-19 23:06:22


Sorry for the cringey term haha. I know its a gendered term but i highly doubt he would have questioned a man the same way of their choice of soft drink, thats the only reason i said it. However, i dont want to be a sexist hypocrite so i shall retract that term smile

HennyPennyHorror Mon 09-Sep-19 23:08:24

No need to retract mansplaining. It is a thing....just because some women are apologists, does not invalidate the idea that men do indeed over-explain and try to educate women when they're not qualified to do so.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Sep-19 23:09:55


Ahhh i know. I dont know why i am wasting my time! He says he is not a critical person but he really is and it's just quite draining.

NextTrainGoesToBEROWRA Mon 09-Sep-19 23:11:19

Sounds like one of my exes. Never met anyone so argumentative over nothing. Completely exhausting, his constant need to be right and tell me what to do. Absolute twat. Bin!

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Sep-19 23:14:25


Yes, if he had literally just said that and not tried to push for me to change it. I like soda water. I understand alot of people wont so i wouldnt try and force it down someones neck.
And yes, it didnt work out, we are not compatible. So why on earth is he sending me all kinds of messages? Saying oh maybe we could see each other a few times a week, any more we will just get on each others nerves. That i am too lively but he wants to see me?
Just proper mixed messages.

Should really just block delete and move on i suppose.

Frangible Mon 09-Sep-19 23:16:38

Drinks aside, he sounds awful. Tell him to bore off with his Negging 101.

Somerford Mon 09-Sep-19 23:19:08

You've agreed that it didn't work, why are you still raging about an innocuous question that he asked you ages ago and typing an essay about it on here? Move on, crack on with other things.

TowelNumber42 Mon 09-Sep-19 23:21:19

Yeah, block and delete. It seems he's now dictating your moving on too.

MajesticWhine Mon 09-Sep-19 23:23:51

He sounds annoying. His going on about the tap water could be indicative of a need for control. If you really liked him enough you would just shrug and say I'll have a soda water please. If you find it too annoying then don't bother with him. Sounds like he's not used to being told No.

dollydaydream114 Mon 09-Sep-19 23:24:04

He's a tedious, negging twat. It's a pick-up technique used by manipulative men who don't like women. And by continuing to talk to him, you are falling for his stupid game.

Just steer clear of him, OP. He's an arsehole and you are never going to work either as a couple or as friends and you're currently just playing into his hands. He's deliberately messing with you.

dollydaydream114 Mon 09-Sep-19 23:25:04

He says he is not a critical person

Gaslighting as well, then. He's awful.

LolaSmiles Mon 09-Sep-19 23:30:11

It's not mansplaining in this situation but it is irritating and not worth worrying about anymore.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Sep-19 23:30:15

Hahaha yes apologies for the essay.. was a bit of getting it off my chest it really wasnt such a big thing at the time.
As pp have said i think this contacting me out the blue is what they have said.
Like he kept asking me if i had had any luck on OLD.
I think he doesnt want me but doesnt want anyone else to have me by the sounds of things sad

Mxyzptlk Mon 09-Sep-19 23:30:38

And how do you see a resumed relationship going, with him already setting rules about how often you can meet?

Tell him to jog on.

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