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To secretly wish that certain expecting-for-the-first-time friends will give birth to difficult, colicky babies who turn their parents' worlds upside-down?

(26 Posts)
GuiltyNameChange Wed 08-Aug-07 16:30:54


I'm talking about the childless friends and siblings who have imparted parenting advice and opinions aplenty over the three years since we had ds, with a lack of understanding and empathy that has frequently had me thinking, "You. Just. Wait." And then praying for theirs to be The Child From Hell ...

RGPargy Wed 08-Aug-07 16:36:27

My DS was a child from hell til he was six months old. Very colicky and screamy. I quite often used to wish i had the guts to leave him in a phone box!

Do you hate them THAT much??

Oblomov Wed 08-Aug-07 16:38:28

I know its irritating. But really, although ds was a very easy baby he was colicky and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. One of my pnatal mums had a very difficult baby and he is still a tricky toddler.
Don't wish that on anyone.
You don't really mean this, I think / hope.

FioFio Wed 08-Aug-07 16:39:23

Message withdrawn

Oblomov Wed 08-Aug-07 16:39:39

Besides we were once the same, before we had children. And then I was in for shock. Or atleast I admit that I was .

NoBiggy Wed 08-Aug-07 16:40:19

You're wishing that they get a clue, clearly.

Not that their baby is miserable.

Do see where you're coming from.

lullamay Wed 08-Aug-07 16:41:18

I know how you feel. I don't think YABU, just human.

thomcat Wed 08-Aug-07 16:42:38

I wouldn't wish the child from hell on anyone or want any child to be the child from hell either.

I know smug childless friends can irritae but....

Kathyis6incheshigh Wed 08-Aug-07 16:42:41

God yes because if their child is perfect (quite by chance) they'll be even smugger.
The only thing worse than childless couples telling you how to parent is couples with the Perfect Only Child.

PrincessGoodLife Wed 08-Aug-07 16:45:55

get your gist OP

there was one person (a friend's GF) who imprated very judging and unwanted parenting 'advice' to me when ds was a baby, having no kids of her own or childrearing experience. She had read a book on child psychology and thought she knew it all . She was the only person that I for a fleeting moment thought 'hope this comes back to bite you on the bum one day'!

And actually she had a baby last year and both she and the baby have had lots of problems. So I will not have nasty thoughts again about this type of thing, believe me.

nailpolish Wed 08-Aug-07 16:47:01

i know how you feel
i have a friend like that she is forver saying "oh Tim and i are off to Madeira to de-stress"
"i am so exhausted, what with work and all"
"we are having a quiet weekend, life's so hectic"


then she says

"what are you doing this weekend, having a quiet time? relaxing?"

"wft is relaxing" i bark back at her

she is forever giving me parenting "tips"

"have you tried the naughty step?"
"try to be more laid back about her eating/sleeping, dear, she can sense your anxiety"


bran Wed 08-Aug-07 16:47:14

I have to admit that I secretly sort of wished that another Mnetter would have a ds as her dds are so sweet that she really has no idea of the way that boys can be. So some of her comments, while very well meant and no doubt true for her experience of parenthood, are a bit wide of the mark.

I don't think you need to wish them a difficult baby, even the easiest of children is going to be a shock to their system. And the best bit will be saying, "wasn't it you who said . . ." everytime their child tantrums/hits/bites.

Lorayn Wed 08-Aug-07 16:54:38

hahaha, totally, my closest friend is a clean freak and is convinced that when she has a child it wont ever walk on the mud instead of the path/fall over at the park/spill its food/drink/touch her car windows/be sick on its clothes etc.
I can not wait.

LowFatPumpkinJuice Wed 08-Aug-07 17:01:48

Ha ha ha

to a certain extent you could have been me a couple of months ago!

We had a childless couple who are friends. And they used to come and see the rest of us tearing our hair out and rubbing tired eyes and turning into complete fishwives as we yelled out our little 'angels'. Not to mention them 'helpfully' passing on commetns to us from other with-child friends - which were not always well timed or received.

However now they have a little cherub of thier own, and would'nt you know it, she sleeps through the night, doesnt make a mumrmur when awake and has breast fed without any problems - unlike the rest of us.

Careful what you wish for as it comes back and bites you in the bum!

<<whispers>> still she only a couple of months old...theres time, theres time

missgriss Wed 08-Aug-07 17:03:37

Totally understand where you are coming from. I have a friend who thinks she knows all about child-rearing because she is a teacher (she's only been qualified for a couple of years). She is forever giving me 'helpful' advice to which I have to mutter a reply to through clenched teeth.

I don't want her to have the child from hell, just a reality check would be nice

rookiemum Wed 08-Aug-07 21:51:31

Ooh nailpolish I am so with you. I have a childless friend and I love her to bits but gosh the chasm between our lives is so wide now.

She is always "soooo exhausted" from working so hard and its important that she finishes work early because being a vegetarian it takes her "soooo much time" to do her shopping and prepare her evening meal. Oh also endeared herself to me by suggesting when DS was about 10 weeks old that DH went off with her DP on a weekend fishing trip.

Arrgh I feel so mean as we do have fun when we get together and I know that she has absolutely no clue whatsoever what its like to have a child, however I think even a normal one is hard enough for any one so yes Guilty Name change YABSLIGHTLYU

Nightynight Wed 08-Aug-07 21:58:51

well I wish that our horrible childless neighbours would have collicky triplets. Somehow I dont think they would be knocking on our wall quite so much.

LieselVentouse Wed 08-Aug-07 22:12:38

Yes I know folk like that too and Ive wished them Damien

sushipaws Wed 08-Aug-07 22:15:14

Oooooh, I'm feeling this thread.

Had my sister in law at 9 weeks pregnant (wearing maternity clothes already??) frowning at me through dinner as my DD was having a growth spurt and I bf her twice at the dinner table. According to her, she will be following some contented baby book and her baby will only eat when she wants it to.

Also have another lovely friend who can never tell when DD has a bad night otherwise she starts giving me strict routine instructions.....aaaarrrgh, back off, bloody people, can't wait till they pop some out so I can look smug

Doodledootoo Wed 08-Aug-07 22:19:41

Message withdrawn

lazyemma Thu 09-Aug-07 08:07:05

rookie and nailpolish -I think you're both being a bit unfair to people without children. Are you suggesting that they all lead totally breezy, stressfree lives? Because that's bollocks, and you'd be (rightly) crucified for saying that anywhere but on a parenting board. I've never been so stressed and miserable as when I was working a 50 hour week in a job I hated, and that was long before I had my daughter.

as for the OP - no, you're not being unreasonable. You're very honest to admit as much and, crucially, I bet if they do actually have the child from hell you'll feel their pain and feel terrible for wishing it upon them!

Quincywincy Thu 09-Aug-07 08:13:42

YANBU but their baby will be perfect and sleep through from about 5 days old IME

There' s every chance that thye'll be a shitty toddler though

lemonaid Thu 09-Aug-07 08:15:51

Not fair to wish them a colicky baby, but I think you can legitimately wish them a "spirited" baby. There are many pluses to having a spirited child, so you needn't feel at all guilty about hoping they have one, but it would certainly turn their world upside down very effectively.

ImBarryScott Thu 09-Aug-07 08:17:42

ooh, the childless are always perfect parents are they? .

I have a distant relative who gave birth to The Perfect Baby 3 weeks after I had our (lovely but, er, "challenging") DD. When she talks about having a second, I always envisage a cross between Damien, Bart Simpson and Violet-Elizabeth Bott.

nailpolish Thu 09-Aug-07 09:22:13

lazyemma - im not saying they all lead brreezy lives - but the friend i am talking about does

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