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Manager won’t let me go to my wedding

(245 Posts)
Biggobyboo Sat 31-Aug-19 18:36:20

I’m a mature student (Master’s degree) and I’ve previously worked in professional office jobs. I’ve recently started a part time job on a make-up counter to earn some pin money and to get me out of the house. I always thought it seemed like a fun job and I like skincare and cosmetics.

When I sent back my contract to HR I mentioned I had my wedding coming up and a week off for my honeymoon. They said that was no problem.

I started the job and discovered my manager has the week of my honeymoon booked off for a holiday and flies out on my wedding day. The full time assistant is being a bridesmaid at another wedding that day so there is no cover in the store.

My manager said I cannot have the time off. I thought she was joking so I said “sure, I’ll just re-arrange it for the following week then!” She said that I should make it at least a couple of weeks after HER holiday. I explained that it wasn’t possible to cancel my wedding and she said it was a shame I wasn’t showing my dedication to the brand and being a team player so early on in the job. No more has been said as she has gone off sick so it’s just me and the other assistant. I can’t do too much (paid) overtime as I’m studying so she’s being funny with me. I’m contracted for 15 hours a week but I’m doing 22.5 hours currently to cover. The brand is recruiting for another part time assistant.

So should I just hand in my week’s notice now or wait until the week of my wedding? If I leave now, the other assistant will have nobody else so there will be no cover. The store is open around 60 hours a week but I’ve noticed the other brands leave their counters unmanned a lot of the time where they have no staff.

If I leave just before the wedding there will still be no cover for that weekend.

Any ideas? I’ve never worked anywhere this crazy before!

NitrousOxide Sun 01-Sep-19 22:07:51

Good for you!

Would you consider making a complaint about the manager, and the one from today who went against policy? If they’re treating you badly, they’re almost certainly treating others badly too, and not everyone has the options and safety net you have.

AppleKatie Sun 01-Sep-19 22:13:34

Well done OP you are free! Try and get lots of rest for 24 hours then plan a strategy for your free time!

JemSynergy Sun 01-Sep-19 22:22:08

I’d resign at the time that’s going to cause them the most inconvenience 😁


Catforaheadrest Sun 01-Sep-19 22:39:34

👍🏻 I’m sorry you had a rubbish customer and manager today, but good for you!

To get you out the house, ever considered running? When I WFH’d I joined a running club so I had a (free) commitment to get out of the house and get some fresh air. When I say “running”... I’m more of a shuffler, but it’s better than nothing smile

expat101 Sun 01-Sep-19 23:07:53

Really the Manager should have approached HR rather than try and tell you not to take the time off but I bet She ? would be difficult over any issue regardless.

I've read your update and it's done and dusted now. Shame really that it didn't work out but you can always find something else.

Nearly47 Sun 01-Sep-19 23:21:16

Did your manager by any chance could have those dates from HR? Could she have booked her holidays to clash with yours in purpose? I just think it's too much of a coincidence given her behaviour. It's quite absurd her not letting you have time off for your wedding and not even trying to find a solution.

PunketteMum Sun 01-Sep-19 23:22:36

I don't think managers get paid much more.

The pressure comes from the brand who staff to the minimum then get cross if there is not enough cover.

Some managers may be on a power trip but I think it's how the company sets it up - pay a tiny bit more for someone to get all the grief and blamed for being horrible when probably if OP didn't miss their leave the manager would have (will have) to cancel theirs. I blame the greedy companies.

TeaLibrary Sun 01-Sep-19 23:29:24

Well done OP. Sounds like you are much better off out of it. Jobs like that aren't worth expending either physical or mental energy on.

HelenaDove Sun 01-Sep-19 23:30:15

I had a manager who insisted on doctors appointments being booked on your day off Fair enough but then she would change your day off with no notice at shut up of shop 5.30pm the night before, then moan when you try to attend your appointment and say "You wont be able to go if it gets too busy"

I strongly believe this is whats behind a good number of no shows to GP appointments. Bullying employers and managers

madcatladyforever Sun 01-Sep-19 23:32:31

Leave now and don't go back. They are ridiculous.

BumbleBeee69 Sun 01-Sep-19 23:32:36

Well done OP. flowers

gilliansgardenbench Sun 01-Sep-19 23:33:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heeebeee Mon 02-Sep-19 00:14:51


‘It's not crazy, is it? You started a job without getting your annual leave authorised in writing. That's no one's fault but your own.’

Whaaat? She said she was getting married and needed the time off. Utterly unreasonable to think anything different! Are you on the same planet?

CharityDingle Mon 02-Sep-19 00:15:25

Ah well, at least it was just for pin money so you had a choice to walk out. Enjoy your wedding.

Wiltom Mon 02-Sep-19 07:58:34

Did you get the time of confirmed in writing at the start of the job? IF you manager is being cruel and showing no compassion towards the situation then they are not nice. BUT if she really has no cover then HR have really dropped her in it. HR should sort it for both of you somehow. You should get to go to your wedding but likewise she should not have a department without staff due to your wedding.

PunketteMum Mon 02-Sep-19 08:53:31

Exactly Wiltom.

It's HRs fault, who imagine have never had to cancel their own leave.

I'm quite shocked by the responses on here, I guess the nasty manager is behaving in such a bizarre way because it's either OP or the manager who will have to cancel their leave.

It's the shop/brands fault for such skeleton staffing. This then leaves it all on the manager (for not great pay) who in desperation has only persuasion to get shifts covered.

It's a crap job but probably not just done for pin money.

I suppose people who have never had/don't have friends with operational jobs just don't get the pressure on front line in many industries.

Ilikethisone Mon 02-Sep-19 08:58:05

The manager actually expected the OP to rearrange her own wedding.

As a manager, that is not a good response. It would be to go speak to HR and try and find a way round it.

Yes, HR probably shouldn't have I'd the holidays. But the manager was an arse, especially to a new member of staff.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare Mon 02-Sep-19 09:42:34

BTW when I was writing up my PhD I could go for days without speaking to anyone. However, I always went for a morning run and had 3 hours gardening/siesta time in the afternoon so I could at least get outside.
Just saying.

Biggobyboo Mon 02-Sep-19 13:11:28

It was a tricky situation, obviously nobody could cancel their leave and lose money. Just like I couldn’t cancel the wedding losing my (parent’s) money and my guests have booked flights / hotels which aren’t refundable.

But I don’t know why cover couldn’t have been found from other stores or internally in the first instance.

Anyway, HR rang me this morning and were really nice. I explained what had happened. They said that they were sourcing cover and that I would be paid my outstanding salary at the end of the month.

I also had a phone call offering me some temp work locally in higher education which I’m really happy with! I made sure to mention the wedding and honeymoon in the phone call and then followed up via email. It also pays a lot more and no weekend working.

EllenMP Mon 02-Sep-19 13:47:28

Wait for HR to sort it out. It's not your responsibility to make sure the counter is covered.

JingsMahBucket Mon 02-Sep-19 14:03:05

@Biggobyboo that’s great news! It looks like everything is working out anyway. smile

CharlottesPleb Mon 02-Sep-19 14:18:14

Suddenly disallowing someone the time off for their wedding, given that they have already booked it which you had, is effectively a summary dismissal.

I mean it's like insisting someone can't have the time off who is in an ambulance to hospital, it has to be a case of ok say what you like, now obviously bye.

A competent manager does not insist on ordering things that clearly will not happen, because they understand that authority means nothing if you do this. Sounds like a bit of a Cnut to me.

BlackCatSleeping Mon 02-Sep-19 14:25:08

That sounds good, OP. The job wasn’t a good fit for you. I hope the new job goes better. flowers

Drknittingfrog Mon 02-Sep-19 14:57:54

Such a happy ending op! Good luck in the new job and all the best for your wedding!

shielahussain Mon 02-Sep-19 18:31:32

Contact HR, put everything in writing and clarify. Is it Clarins by any chance?

ZiggyB Mon 02-Sep-19 18:49:13

Good for you OP. Enjoy your wedding! 💃🏾

angelfacecuti75 Tue 03-Sep-19 01:28:53

See what hr say before you leave. If ypu do leavd make sure they know why and hsnd your notice in a week before the wedding or maybe 2...

ilovesooty Tue 03-Sep-19 01:42:26

Glad HR were nice. Good luck with the new job offer.

Jesaminecollins Tue 03-Sep-19 02:38:42

I started a new job several years ago and I had a holiday booked to Corfu and I told them I wouldn't be starting until after my holidays. So I think they either accept you will be having time off to celebrate your wedding or you will have to leave. If they value you they will arrange for someone to cover for your wedding.

Coyoacan Tue 03-Sep-19 03:31:58

Great outcome, OP. Many years ago I was working in a shop and gave them one month's notice because I was getting married and emigrating. They dismissed me the next week because they had already found my replacement. So much for being considerate.

justilou1 Tue 03-Sep-19 05:14:04

Wow! You’re winning all round!!!

coffeewithcream Tue 03-Sep-19 06:37:34

If you agreed on taking those specific dates off beforehand then they will honour that. Speak to HR asap ;)

proseccoaficionado Tue 03-Sep-19 08:47:16

@shielahussain I thought it's Urban Decay, I worked for them in my uni years and I've been asked not to go to my graduation because they have no cover. Hahahahaa, didn't happen, of course. Maybe all make-up counters are shit with their employees

yellowallpaper Tue 03-Sep-19 10:15:07


Mummyoflittledragon Tue 03-Sep-19 11:27:56

Well that’s a great outcome all round.

Cautionsharpblade Tue 03-Sep-19 14:36:27

Plus you’ve made it into The Sun

BrightYellowDaffodil Tue 03-Sep-19 14:49:00

Good for you, OP. Glad it worked out for the better in the end smile

illybean Tue 03-Sep-19 14:52:32

I had this in a job. Contact HR and then if not quit. I did actually quit the job that wouldn’t let me have my wedding day and honeymoon off. I thought they were mucking about but they weren’t.
I started my new job 2 weeks before my wedding and they gave me balloons and presents so was a pretty good trade in!

illybean Tue 03-Sep-19 14:53:23

Oh @Biggobyboo happy for you just read the update

Intheupsidedown Tue 03-Sep-19 15:19:23

I have seen this in the sun today as well. Slow news day... obviously too hard for them to write about boris

MaggietheHorseThief Tue 03-Sep-19 15:27:52

* Boom45 - yes, I’ve noticed that a lot of the old school store staff are funny with me because I’m a student. When they ask what I’ve done before they make faces at each other when I tell them. One of the ladies at another counter said “so what are you doing here then if you have a fancy degree?” I thought I had been really breezy and smiley when I said “oh I used to do xyz but I’ve taken some time out to go back to university” but they don’t seem to like that.*

I got this exact attitude working in Debenhams while I was a student. People couldn't resist making digs about it.

I also had a little hitler for a manager and when she told me I couldn't have a day off (with a week's notice) for my grandmother's funeral, I just quit. I know I was very privileged and lucky to be able to do that though - it's awful for people who don't have that luxury and have to fight against the shitty behaviour of bad managers.

I would see where you get with HR, but don't feel bad about quitting if they won't accommodate you. You've been totally reasonable - some people are just arseholes.

MK1975 Tue 03-Sep-19 15:31:37

This one is for the Dilbert series!. Honestly if there isn't enough empathy for you to attend YOUR wedding you are much better off jumping this ship. Companies go to great length to ensure their employees are happy and can contribute ... This is not one of those places

Biggobyboo Wed 04-Sep-19 19:02:58

Thanks everyone! I was also offered an interview at the Liz Earle counter recently but not sure if that’s any better? Think I’ll give up on the retail world and stick with academia! grin

magratvonlipwig Thu 05-Sep-19 03:37:38

I think you are being far more thoughtful than they deserve. Quit whenever you want.
You dont need to be concerned with their staffing issues

proseccoaficionado Thu 05-Sep-19 05:12:38

@Biggobyboo not another beauty counter, please😂 soooo, please, tell me, was it Urban Decay?

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