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DH keeps forgetting about our baby

(136 Posts)
whatsgoingonwithhim Sun 25-Aug-19 20:44:03

Name change as this is outing and would crush DH.

We have two daughters, both were planned and very much wanted. DH is a brilliant husband and has been a fantastic and loving father, but I’m starting to worry if I can trust him with our baby. Our baby is the perfect baby, very chilled, slept through since 4 weeks and she only cries when really hungry. Complete opposite to DD4 as a baby, DH was extremely attentive with her, would hold her for hours and was constantly watching the baby monitor. With our second baby, there has been several unbelievable incidences where he has ‘forgot’ about her.

DD is breastfed, but will take expressed milk when she’s not with me, DH often forgets to feed her when she’s due, only feeding her when she’s crying for a feed. On numerous occasions has forgotten to pack anything for the baby, only snacks, clothes and toys for our older child.

At a christening, DH passed 7 week old baby to distant family member who wanted a cuddle then had started to talk to various friends, the family member couldn’t find him to hand baby back, so she was passed around various people - some of which I wouldn’t of wanted to hold her until MIL rescued her. I had arrived late to the party, as I waiting for DD to wake up in the car. MIL confronted him before I had the chance and DH said he had forgot he had her begin with.

His excuses are mainly, he thought I had her or she’s just so chilled... he forgot she was there. I have a hard time leaving my tiny baby as it is, but now I’m worried she’s not safe with her own dad. Especially with the stories I’ve read about babies left in hot cars sad He is an intelligent man - with a very serious professional job and I don’t think he understands how worried I am. This weekend, we’ve had a lovely weekend as a family and I have some lovely photos of him loving on both of our daughters, but his carelessness with our baby is affecting my relationship with him.

Am I overreacting?

Thehop Sun 25-Aug-19 20:46:04

Nope, not overreacting....keep a close eye for a while

Dutch1e Sun 25-Aug-19 20:49:39

No, you're not over-reacting, I'd be livid too (in between bouts of chuckling and planning on how to tell the stories at Christmas).

He's obviously a good dad and will hopefully quickly begin remembering that he has two children now. Seven weeks is still so new, it's the age when I got in my car, put my keys in the ignition and slunk back out to retrieve my new daughter from the roof where I'd put her and her carseat after opening all the doors to cool the interior.

Sally2791 Sun 25-Aug-19 20:50:09

Mine did some strange forgetting things-definitely be very alert

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 25-Aug-19 20:51:14

Oh god, not at all. I’d be very worried and pretty fucking furious about him not bothering to feed her or remembering he had her! WTF?

IAskTooManyQuestions Sun 25-Aug-19 20:51:19

Oh Christ - that's me and I was the mother grin

Span1elsRock Sun 25-Aug-19 20:54:03

I can imagine that it is testing your relationship.

Does he have problems remembering other things? I'd be tempted to take him along to your GP in honesty.

Dutch1e Sun 25-Aug-19 20:54:18

IAskTooManyQuestions

grin

AllTheWhoresOfMalta Sun 25-Aug-19 20:54:28

I’m going to buck the trend and say maybe you’re overreacting a teensy bit. I get it, but you’re all still adjusting. I would make a point of ringing him several times when he has her until he’s clearly annoyed. That should do the trick.

Jamhandprints Sun 25-Aug-19 20:58:59

My H did this the first time he was left alone with 2 DC, and DS2 was about 9 months by then. Totally forgot to give him any milk all day. Proud of himself for changing the nappies and making dinner for DS1. I was cross. But I made such a fuss he never forgot about him again.

Butchyrestingface Sun 25-Aug-19 20:59:03

Especially with the stories I’ve read about babies left in hot cars

I’m afraid that was my first thought - and there was nothing to suggest the parents who did do this were otherwise inattentive or forgetful.

Having said that, my mother had almost completed the half 3/4 mile walk home from the shops when she realised she’d forgotten something - my infant brother, parked in his buggy outside. grin

Beesandcheese Sun 25-Aug-19 20:59:05

Why did you invite people to a christening if you wouldn't want them holding your child?

DamnitCharlie Sun 25-Aug-19 21:00:32

What does he say when you confront him? I would have gone ape shit with him by now and made him feel guilty about what he's doing. Forgetting to pack stuff for the baby 'numerous times' sounds awful! Is he still ok looking after your eldest? Did he want another child? Does he care about your newborn at all? Does he care about you having to worry about whether he can look after his own children? Has he bonded with the newborn? Does he have any mental health issues?

Catbrat Sun 25-Aug-19 21:01:54

Definitely not over reacting, like you say, what if he left her in the car on a day like today. Or next time he forgets where the baby is shes passed to someone dodgy or drunk.

If it was a one off, then fair enough sometimes we get carried away or forget but for it to repeatedly happen is ridiculous, he needs to sort it out, if he was ok with DD1 then he's capable, you need to have it out with him to make him realise it's not on

Withington Sun 25-Aug-19 21:02:37

Does your car have an internal scan that sets off alarm if it senses movement? I'm with you on the car thing, it does happen that people forget with potentially awful consequences. Could he maybe have her on his own more often - sounds counter intuitive given your fears but potentially the more time he spends with her the more he will potentially "see" her? Maybe with help of alarms on phone to remind to feed etc?

DodgeRainClouds Sun 25-Aug-19 21:05:40

It wasn’t the baby’s christening

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Sun 25-Aug-19 21:07:57

Beesandcheese - I wouldn't want heavy smokers or drunks to hold a small baby. Also have family members who despite being shown how to hold a newborn still will happily hold a newborn letting its head flop all over the place.

LittleAndOften Sun 25-Aug-19 21:12:50

I think you need to have a serious chat with him about your fears over baby being left in hot cars etc. They are well-founded and if the worst did happen and you hadn't had that chat with him you'd never forgive yourself.

SmartPlay Sun 25-Aug-19 21:13:54

I wouldn't be too worried. Why should the baby be fed at specific times anyway, instead of when she's hungry?

The christening doesn't sound so horrible to me either - he didn't just leave her lying around anywhere, he handed her to other adult family members. That's a very big difference in my opinion.

user1493494961 Sun 25-Aug-19 21:14:28

I think you're overreacting about the christening, she was safe enough, she didn't need rescuing.

Femodene Sun 25-Aug-19 21:17:06

Seems like he needs to do 100% of the parenting until he magically remembers that he has created TWO people. Pathetic cop out of a man.

ChicCroissant Sun 25-Aug-19 21:17:32

^ I had arrived late to the party, as I waiting for DD to wake up in the car.^

You must have been in the car a while for your baby to be passed round relatives and how do you know who held her if you were outside? Do you suffer with anxiety, OP?

Femodene Sun 25-Aug-19 21:19:28

Wtf needing phone reminders and alarms and shit? Nah, wise up, the man created these two people, him ‘forgetting’ one of them exists is him just failing at life, do women need to set wee reminders and alarms to alert them to the fact they have a kid? Didn’t think so.

BasilTheGreat Sun 25-Aug-19 21:22:04

Does he forget other things? If so maybe he needs to see the GP.

madcatladyforever Sun 25-Aug-19 21:25:04

I am speechless. Just as I thought mumsnet men couldn't get any worse!!!

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