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AIBU & grabby update

(161 Posts)
worthsolittle1 Sun 25-Aug-19 18:23:24

I posted on here last year which helped me a lot.
But now I'm back with he same problem and one more ..
Update from last thread .... I put my big girl pants on an asked my partner to pay more towards the house after several arguements he agreed that we would split the cost between us all. I'd pay mine and the kids share he would just pay his share.. not the best deal but one we both agreed in.
In short it didn't happen he never payed the agreed amount he upped payment to £250 a month that was it. When I asked why he said it was because he was staying here less working away more and some times was only home at weekends.
He decided we should buy a house together and said we would then split mortgage and bills 50/50. After an arguement where he said I should get mortgage on my own last minute after finding a house. he went to stay back at his house a few weeks later he moved back in rent free untill two months ago when he has given me £100 a month.

Anyway he decide it would be better for me to get mortgage on my own he'd still pay 50/50 so I'd be protected if the worse happened.if I couldn't get a mortgage on my own we'd both do it together.

We looked found a house made an offer I applied and got refused for mortgage due to not earning enough.
Now he's backed out said he can't do it he needs to help his daughter and be on her mortgage or she will lose here house. Said I can get one on my own apply else where or we will have to find £12000 short fall!!
TBH I kicked off said he's not living here paying nothing next to nothing anymore plus there's no we finding £12000 I've got bills to pay ...
He's making out in unreasonable I'm not trying enough not working enough .. not work with him don't do what he asks me to do
. AIBU should he not have to pay rent since he works away most weeks? Should I be the one to find the money since the house will be in my name only?

bambalaya Sun 25-Aug-19 18:25:07

He sounds like a CF. He can't agree to something then change his mind . Bin him

helpmum2003 Sun 25-Aug-19 18:26:21

Get rid.

notapizzaeater Sun 25-Aug-19 18:26:25

Of course he should pay, you're keeping his 'place' For him - bills still need to be paid.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sun 25-Aug-19 18:28:37

Your post isn't all that clear to be honest.

Obviously if he's staying with you then he needs to pay rent.

I don't understand what you mean when you say you can't get a mortgage because you don't earn enough. What usually happens is that you
get offered a certain amount of money based on your income. Is it that this amount won't buy you a property in your area?

One things clear though, he doesn't want to be financially connected with you.

Going forward, where would you like to be in 5 years time?

Oldraver Sun 25-Aug-19 18:28:41

Just cut your losses and kick the fucker out

MildDrPepperAddiction Sun 25-Aug-19 18:29:41

He sounds like a cock lodger. To be honest I'd get rid.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum Sun 25-Aug-19 18:32:46


It does sound like you'd be better off in every way without hi in your llife.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum Sun 25-Aug-19 18:33:05

him in your life

worthsolittle1 Sun 25-Aug-19 18:33:17

half my wages are made up of overtime I have two jobs plus they are low payed jobs which doesn't help.
He says I don't live with you I stay with you so won't pay.
When I ask where he lives he says travel lodge because I stay there more sad

Cosyjimjamsforautumn Sun 25-Aug-19 18:33:21

He's a cocklodger. Get rid.

youngestisapsycho Sun 25-Aug-19 18:34:51

And you’re with him because.....

Alsohuman Sun 25-Aug-19 18:34:59

Get rid of him.

Atalune Sun 25-Aug-19 18:35:34

Filthy rotten scum.

Bin him.

BloodyhellMartha Sun 25-Aug-19 18:35:56

That's fine. Tell him he can live in the Travel lodge permanently.

Raspberrytruffle Sun 25-Aug-19 18:37:00

Chuck the cocklodger out! Of course he's going to say yabu because he will loose his meal ticket, he doesn't sound commited either. I'd not give him the chance to beg his way back in to your home or life just get rid and find someone worthy of you flowers

Sashkin Sun 25-Aug-19 18:39:03

When I ask where he lives he says travel lodge because I stay there more

If he thinks his long-term relationship with Travelodge is more serious than his long-term relationship with you, that says quite a lot.

Seriously, this comment reeks of utter contempt for you. You go to him saying you are short of money, and he is laughing in your face and telling you to suck it. Dump him for his attitude to your relationship, let alone the financial abuse.

willowmelangell Sun 25-Aug-19 18:39:25

So he thinks that where ever you(op) live, is some sort of hotel he can turn up to and you have already paid for the room. Nice and cheap for him then. He is thinking of his daughter which is admirable.
I used to be a childminder. It didn't matter how many holidays the parents took, I still had to be paid to keep 'their' spot available.
He doesn't seem that committed to you. He moves the goal posts. Good for you spelling out your terms. Now stick with it and don't back down.

ControversialFerret Sun 25-Aug-19 18:41:24

Change the locks. If he kicks off then tell him that he needs to go home to the Travelodge as he doesn't live with you.

Seriously, sling the cheeky fucker out!

BlockedAndDeleted Sun 25-Aug-19 18:41:30

And you are with him because?

Where dies he keep all of his “stuff”, in the travelogue?

Is he Alan Partridge, cos he’s definitely a joke.

Funnyface1 Sun 25-Aug-19 18:42:02

He's rid. Just do yourself a favour and get rid. How many warning signs/red flags do you need?

Some bloody depressing threads on here at the moment.

IAskTooManyQuestions Sun 25-Aug-19 18:42:43

Does he get his post sent to your address? Do you pay full council tax based on two adults at the address? Pack his stuff and ask which travel lodge he wants it sent to.

EggysMom Sun 25-Aug-19 18:44:08

Where does his post go? Where is he registered to vote? Your house, or the travelodge? grin More importantly, do you have a single parent or joint parents tax credit award?

He either lives with you (and has to stay away for work), in which case he pays rent contributes to the cost of the household and that is how you both need to see it; or he doesn't live with you and can bugger right off.

Cherrysoup Sun 25-Aug-19 18:44:56

Then tell him he can stay at the atravel Lodge at weekends too. What an idiot.

Widowodiw Sun 25-Aug-19 18:46:27

Well you are the problem allowing him to stay with you without him paying up.

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