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Update: moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills..

(313 Posts)
Beachball32 Sat 24-Aug-19 12:30:44

Hi all,

I posted last week and got some brilliant advice- it’s certainly made me see things in a different light.

Basically, I moved in with my partner of 12 months three months ago. He has a rented council flat and I’ve made it a home (buying furniture etc). He got fired because of his attitude/sick days a couple of weeks ago and is now stony broke. He’s had a few jobs since I met him but he’s quit or been fired..he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life. He decided he wanted to do a course via the job centre so he can get a job earning more money but that has been cancelled. He has to wait for a couple of months to start it.
So he’s got no money whatsoever. I have just finalised a really long divorce battle and been given a settlement. I’ve got a lump sum but haven’t told him how much. The emotional trauma has hit me hard and I’ve taken some time to adjust. My partner has been really nice to me- supportive, cooking and waiting on me hand and foot. However he doesn’t seem to be looking for work. I’ve got enough money to start a new life...upping sticks and starting afresh somewhere (by the coast maybe)...either that or investing my money in this relationship (for example he has no carpets so I need to pay for them..he also wants a bigger expensive settee).
I feel under such financial pressure to provide for us- I’m tempted to take my money and run but am terrified of the unknown. AIBU to think he’s a sponger? He does everything for me (running baths, making me daily smoothies, keeping my coffee cup topped up) since my settlement but doesn’t have a penny so I’m paying for everything..

IamtheOA Sun 25-Aug-19 14:17:35

He has intrinsically different values to you...

Tell him you are putting the money aside and you will not touch it for 'X' years. See how lovely he is then...

Summer2019NewMummy Sun 25-Aug-19 13:50:19

Run. Fast.

justasking111 Sun 25-Aug-19 13:48:24

grump. read the threads

Jade218 Sun 25-Aug-19 13:41:24

Run...as fast as you can

Grumpelstilskin Sun 25-Aug-19 13:37:07

@justasking111 It seems to be the same guy. If she has been with her current 'beau' for 8 months, then she must have been with him since the beginning of this year.

Mintjulia Sun 25-Aug-19 13:32:17

You’re being played. The baths and cooking will stop as soon as your money runs out.

His attitude stinks. Run for the hills.

Moominfan Sun 25-Aug-19 13:31:22

For the love of Christ and everything good and holy in this world please run. Keeping everything crossed you'll come back in a few weeks and tell us all you've dropped this leech, moved homes and got yourself some new hobbies and met some nice people

DianaT1969 Sun 25-Aug-19 13:28:22

**excuse, not excise!

DianaT1969 Sun 25-Aug-19 13:27:46

Based on your threads about other men this year, I don't think you should be dating at all OP.
The one where you called a vet to check up on a man's excise not to see you would be a low point for many women.
You don't need a man in your life to feel worthwhile and valued. Concentrate on real friends, family, hobbies, pets, careers... anything other than giving more headspace to these timewasters. Get out of Dodge and block this freeloader.
It's very telling that you needed two identical threads. Craving attention is getting you into these one-sided, unhealthy relationships.

justasking111 Sun 25-Aug-19 13:18:25

@Grumpelstilskin, which April posts.

1. The bloke she had been seeing for eight months
2. The bloke she met online and had a blind date with.

Grumpelstilskin Sun 25-Aug-19 13:04:31

OP, having read your April posts, when you listed an absolute nightmare set-up, everyone rallied round you and told you this man would be a total nightmare. So, after a unanimous stay the hell away and don’t get involved with this abusive guy, you move in with him! So, why even bother asking again? You can speed up the inevitable, just sign over that lump sum. You are determined to be an utter door mat and eternal victim.

Loveyou3000 Sun 25-Aug-19 12:51:48

Recently posted about my relationship breaking down, he moved in with me and quit his job, got another then quit that and I paid for everything! I feel like a mug now, and am really financially bad off right now, when I wouldnt have been had I not been supporting him. Get outta there x

NurseButtercup Sun 25-Aug-19 12:40:20

He’s had a few jobs since I met him but he’s quit or been fired..he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life.

investing my money in this relationship (for example he has no carpets so I need to pay for them..he also wants a bigger expensive settee)

He does everything for me since my settlement but doesn’t have a penny so I’m paying for everything..

what advice would you give to a friend who told you this???

wildcherries Sun 25-Aug-19 12:32:32

OP, do you have a bet on with someone to see how many posts a thread can get, after you've left it?

I've wondered this as well. I hope not, but it so weird that nothing seems to register with the OP.

LetsGoMile Sun 25-Aug-19 10:47:29

Be kind to yourself OP and move on with your life. Don’t waste your money on this guy. Have some time alone for a while instead of jumping into another relationship.

everyonecaneffoff Sun 25-Aug-19 10:43:16

OP OP are you still there?

No because she's probably name-changed and started yet another thread which will end up being 11 pages long and she never leaves the bastard.

GrandmaSteglitszch Sun 25-Aug-19 10:38:05

OP, do you have a bet on with someone to see how many posts a thread can get, after you've left it?

UndomesticHousewife Sun 25-Aug-19 10:34:25

What do you hope to get from these posts? You've been told the same thing over and over again.
Sadly I have a feeling that you'll be back on here in a year or whatever, after he's spent all your money.

Ellie56 Sun 25-Aug-19 09:52:57

OP OP are you still there?

hmm

Oliversmumsarmy Sun 25-Aug-19 09:49:41

I have issues about people preparing me food as a favour.

I would be wondering what he is putting in those smoothies that makes it impossible for you to have the wherewithal to see him for what he is.

Jayaywhynot Sun 25-Aug-19 08:16:38

Just read your previous post, hes 38, lives in a council flat, is allergic to working, never had a long term girlfriend, sounds like hes winning at life! Along comes you, is willing to kit out his flat and support him, no wonder hes topping up your coffee! You know what the future holds, you'll end up spending / wasting your settlement, living in his home, where he can kick you out at any time. In the end you could end up skint and homeless. I'd run too. However, if you love him so much, stick to your plan of buying somewhere and take him with you on the proviso that he gets a job and pays his way. Staying in the situation as it is, you know how it could end that's why you're asking for advice. Be smart, protect yourself

Cecilandsnail Sun 25-Aug-19 08:15:35

Is his name dirty John?! Don't be a fool. Or do. It's your life to fuck up as you wish.

Raindancer411 Sun 25-Aug-19 07:38:15

I personally would start again. You may love him now but down the line in this same behaviour continues, ask yourself if you could live with it? I would end up bitter in the long run and made to feel like it was all on me to do everything.

AloneLonelyLoner Sun 25-Aug-19 07:30:15

My pal had a 49k settlement. It was gone within the year on household tat and a boyfriend who then dumped her. Sad.

Don't be my pal.

Batcrazymum3 Sun 25-Aug-19 00:32:58

@gamerchick there were 2 posts in April. Think this one might be at it. Always posting then never returning

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