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Update: moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills..

(313 Posts)
Beachball32 Sat 24-Aug-19 12:30:44

Hi all,

I posted last week and got some brilliant advice- it’s certainly made me see things in a different light.

Basically, I moved in with my partner of 12 months three months ago. He has a rented council flat and I’ve made it a home (buying furniture etc). He got fired because of his attitude/sick days a couple of weeks ago and is now stony broke. He’s had a few jobs since I met him but he’s quit or been fired..he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life. He decided he wanted to do a course via the job centre so he can get a job earning more money but that has been cancelled. He has to wait for a couple of months to start it.
So he’s got no money whatsoever. I have just finalised a really long divorce battle and been given a settlement. I’ve got a lump sum but haven’t told him how much. The emotional trauma has hit me hard and I’ve taken some time to adjust. My partner has been really nice to me- supportive, cooking and waiting on me hand and foot. However he doesn’t seem to be looking for work. I’ve got enough money to start a new life...upping sticks and starting afresh somewhere (by the coast maybe)...either that or investing my money in this relationship (for example he has no carpets so I need to pay for them..he also wants a bigger expensive settee).
I feel under such financial pressure to provide for us- I’m tempted to take my money and run but am terrified of the unknown. AIBU to think he’s a sponger? He does everything for me (running baths, making me daily smoothies, keeping my coffee cup topped up) since my settlement but doesn’t have a penny so I’m paying for everything..

MyCatIsNotAllThat Sat 24-Aug-19 12:32:11


SurferRona Sat 24-Aug-19 12:33:00

What was the outcome of you acting on the previous brilliant advice you were given?

sackrifice Sat 24-Aug-19 12:33:34

Up sticks and get outta there.

sheshootssheimplores Sat 24-Aug-19 12:33:38

Fucking hell!!!! Run like your arse is on fire OP.

FeedMeTikka Sat 24-Aug-19 12:33:44

It’s a no brainer, run and build yourself a new life. Good luck flowers

Brexitstash Sat 24-Aug-19 12:34:01

Agree run away from this sponger

dramaqueen Sat 24-Aug-19 12:34:09

Yup, run. Really fast.

noeyedeer Sat 24-Aug-19 12:35:02

Run. Start again. Of course he's been 'nice since the settlement', he knows a good thing when he sees it.

Lorraine265 Sat 24-Aug-19 12:35:13


DogWorried Sat 24-Aug-19 12:35:33

Run.. Run..RUN! And don't look back! Please don't waste another penny!

FrenchSchnoodle Sat 24-Aug-19 12:35:46

Why are you even considering staying? You have an amazing opportunity to do things that will make you happy. Go.

catsbeensickagain Sat 24-Aug-19 12:35:48

Run and don’t look back. But you already know that!

Reindeerssmellbetter Sat 24-Aug-19 12:35:50

Run as fast as you can and don't look back. He's a sponger and a leech and this won't.end well for you.

Bookworm4 Sat 24-Aug-19 12:36:23

Why would you kit out his flat? He saw you coming!
Go, find your peace and don’t look back.
Here’s his cocklodger prize 🏆

Merryoldgoat Sat 24-Aug-19 12:36:26

On your last thread everyone said ‘run’ - you’ll get the exact same advice.

This isn’t supporting someone who is going through a rough patch - this is someone who doesn’t want to work and expects to be given everything.

You’re a fool to stay.

SophieSong Sat 24-Aug-19 12:36:33

Come on, you know why he is doing this. He's quit his job and is being nice to you because he wants you to provide his lifestyle for him.

He's already got his eye on new, more expensive furniture has he? I wonder what else is on his little shopping list for you to buy.

He's gone through how many jobs in 12 months?

MadameJosephine Sat 24-Aug-19 12:37:20

Fucking hell!!!! Run like your arse is on fire OP


Couldn’t have put it better

Nameisthegame Sat 24-Aug-19 12:37:22

Just run.

sunshinesupermum Sat 24-Aug-19 12:37:47

Why are you even asking? Just go. NOW

Beachball32 Sat 24-Aug-19 12:37:48

The previous advice given has helped me feel stronger. I get my settlement in a couple of weeks but I want to be 100% sure I’m making the right decision- I love him very much and am hoping those feelings are reciprocated

Takemebacktolondon Sat 24-Aug-19 12:38:29

I didn’t see your last thread but do you think posters are going to say the same?

BlockedAndDeleted Sat 24-Aug-19 12:39:01

This isn’t an update. This is a repeat of the thread you posted last week.

You’ve done nothing new since you posted that one - what were you hoping to hear?

The same replies?

Sigh81 Sat 24-Aug-19 12:39:34

Upping sticks and settling somewhere on the coast sounds like a dream.

Honestly, do you want to be with someone with such an appalling work ethic for the long term?! What kind of future is that for you.

You need to make the most of this opportunity - you will likely never get another one.

LakieLady Sat 24-Aug-19 12:39:42

Yep, run.

If he wants "a bigger expensive settee", he can get himself a job and bloody well buy one.

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