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To say either we get a cleaner or I work part time

(140 Posts)
Boules Sat 24-Aug-19 10:45:51

Am due to move in with DP in the next few weeks. He works long hours from home and only really cleans and tidies when the house gets to quite a disgusting level, then will blitz the whole thing. I prefer to keep stuff tidy and clean, not to an obsessive level but so that it’s pleasant to be in. He hates cleaning (obviously I love it hmm) and just will not do it on a day to day basis, I’m not naive enough to think this will ever change. I’ve said to him that when I move in either we will have to get a cleaner or I will work part time and do the cleaning on the other days I would have worked. AIBU?

ConstanzaAndSalieri Sat 24-Aug-19 10:47:56

No. But you absolutely don’t clean up after him. He sounds like a lazy minger. Are you sure you want to move in with him?

stablesong Sat 24-Aug-19 10:48:36

Just get a cleaner -- gives you one less thing to worry/argue about.

ArkwrightsTill Sat 24-Aug-19 10:49:45

I would rethink moving in with him. Unless the cleaner comes every day and is happy to clean AND tidy I don’t see how it won’t all fall to you.

SolitudeAtAltitude Sat 24-Aug-19 10:49:49

Don't move in with someone who puts himself first!

ImogenTubbs Sat 24-Aug-19 10:50:57

Why do you want to give up your independence (earning power) to clean up after a man?

RiddleMeThis2018 Sat 24-Aug-19 10:51:35

YABU. Don’t reduce your earning power to clean up after him! Make a different deal: either he does his share of day to day housekeeping AND you both get a cleaner, or you don’t move in.

Apileofballyhoo Sat 24-Aug-19 10:52:20

There's no way I'd commit myself to earning less with someone like this. I assume you don't have DC, and if/when you do it'll all be left to you. Do not go part time.

NoBaggyPants Sat 24-Aug-19 10:52:23

You don't need to go part time just to do a bit of cleaning! Why not make a plan that you (both) do x on one day, y the other and so on. That way you're doing minutes each day and you're both contributing.

If he can't/ won't even do that, then you've got a bigger problem than cleaning.

Dilligaf81 Sat 24-Aug-19 10:52:23

I think it's great you haven't got Rose tinted specs on and are dealing with this before it becomes an issue.
As mentioned above if you get a cleaner make sure they will do day to day tidying rather than just cleaning.

Hellbentwellwent Sat 24-Aug-19 10:53:54

This is ridiculous.... why would you move in and give up your earning potential to clean up after a lazy bastard???
What will happen when you have kids? You’ll end up doing everything.
Find yourself a decent human being to tie yourself to for life

bluebell34567 Sat 24-Aug-19 10:53:56

get a cleaner. dont clean after him. or he learns how to clean after himself.

Alsohuman Sat 24-Aug-19 10:55:47

Get a cleaner. Don’t even entertain reducing your income.

Lazypuppy Sat 24-Aug-19 10:56:27

Why would you reduce your income to clean up after him?!?!

Chickychoccyegg Sat 24-Aug-19 10:58:08

I wouldnt be earning less/relying on dp financially to stay home and do his cleaning either.
Tell him he either helps with light cleaning and tidying on a day to day basis like a normal person or you do not move in, he sounds lazy and disgusting!
A cleaner once or twice a week for a deeper clean (paid for jointly) is also a good idea

ButterflyBun Sat 24-Aug-19 10:58:15

Do you have kids?
I really can't see how you'd have that much mess to need to give up your earning potential.
I work full time and have two kids and no cleaner. It is more than manageable but my husband does his fair share too.

Queenioqueenio Sat 24-Aug-19 10:58:29

Do not reduce your hours and earning power to tidy up after a lazy man!!!
Give him an ultimatum or jointly pay for a cleaner.

stablesong Sat 24-Aug-19 10:59:00

Having reread your OP, to add to my previous statement, definitely DO NOT go part-time for goodness' sake.

TheStoic Sat 24-Aug-19 11:00:00

He’s not going to care either way.

Get a cleaner, split the bill, and don’t ask for ‘permission’. No discussion necessary.

Why you would even consider stifling your career and financial position to clean up after your partner is beyond me.

Isthebigwomanhere Sat 24-Aug-19 11:00:31

Where are you moving to,the 1950's?!?!

Tell him he either cleans as he goes or pays for a cleaner.
You would be mad to reduce your financial security just so you could clean his shit up!

You are his partner not his mother!!!

Watchingthyme Sat 24-Aug-19 11:01:39

Get a cleaner. It’s vital

sackrifice Sat 24-Aug-19 11:01:59

Cleaners clean, not tidy.

We have a cleaner. Have had for around a decade.

For less than £50 a month we have a clean house. Why would you go part time to clean when someone else can do it for less than £50 a month?

EL8888 Sat 24-Aug-19 11:02:58

I vote get a cleaner and you both pay for her / him. If you’re not married to him then going part-time could be a bad move long-term

Boules Sat 24-Aug-19 11:05:07

Ok definitely getting a cleaner!

reginafelangee Sat 24-Aug-19 11:05:31

Agree a rota or hire a cleaner together.

You are moving in to be his partner, not his housekeeper.

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