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to be really angry?

(94 Posts)
Bloodypuddled Fri 23-Aug-19 09:30:25

Recieved a phonecall from a family member, stressed and upset that they couldn't afford the back to school shop for their three children. Said they didnt know what to do and that they were struggling real bad. The conversation was a long and stressful one, which resulted in me being guilt-tripped (because I don't have children to shop for), offering to help buy SOME supplies for one- and half way through my offer, they chipped up and said 'I knew you would!!'.
My partner was absolutely livid with the response that I'd got but understood my position, and offered to take us shopping when I had the money.
I put money aside for the last 3 weeks and this week took the child shopping. SOME supplies ended up being a £30 bag, all equipment, pairs of school trousers, and socks and pants (for all three children). All in all, just over £100 as I was expected to take the child out for food during shopping as he hadn't been given lunch yet.
When we arrived to pick them up, mother came out and asked if we liked her hair- she'd just paid £120 to have it done. During the summer holidays, none of the children have been on days out, holidays etc. but mother has been abroad with her boyfriend, had her hair done, had new tattoos and everything inbetween.

I don't have the energy to confront and argue with her as the slightest confrontation gets me blocked on social media and through text/calls, and any access to the children taken away. I understand that I was the one who offered to help with some supplies, but AIBU to be really, really angry by all of this?

Grumpbum123 Fri 23-Aug-19 09:31:43

She’s a cheeky fucker

Winterfellismyhome Fri 23-Aug-19 09:32:51

YANBU she's taking the piss. I'd have to say something and be blocked over it

WeCameToDance Fri 23-Aug-19 09:35:52

There are no words for some people.
All I can say really is that the mother was likely to have had her hair done over buying her childrens uniform regardless of whether you offered to pay or not. At least you know that you have done your best to make sure they are provided for and are not going to walk into school in clothes that don't fit.
It seems strange that she volunteered the info about her new hair though. Like she was trying to get a rise out of you.

noeyedeer Fri 23-Aug-19 09:36:45

YANBU. Are the kids at an age where you can have contact with them and not mum? I'd go down that route if at all possible and tell CF exactly what I thought.

SpottedGingham Fri 23-Aug-19 09:36:49

When we arrived to pick them up, mother came out and asked if we liked her hair- she'd just paid £120 to have it done

Which was your cue to get back in the car and refuse to be a mug. Children don't need a brand new uniform in September, a lot of the time the previous years still fits and is in good enough condition.

She played you for a fool.

BlueSuffragette Fri 23-Aug-19 09:37:12

You should say something. She has taken advantage of you.

Cryalot2 Fri 23-Aug-19 09:37:19

She has a brass neck . Cheeky isn't the word for it.
Are the kids well looked after and cared for?

MrsMoastyToasty Fri 23-Aug-19 09:38:50

Next time she asks say "I'm not a bank", point her in the direction of a budgeting app, and block.

EllenAshSky1 Fri 23-Aug-19 09:40:33

She's clearly using you and knows she can by her reply.

She could afford these things because as you've said she basically spent the same amount on her hair..

Next time, not matter what is said, don't offer... "Sorry I have to go I'm so busy, speak soon!" Done.

I'm sorry you have someone in your life that is using you like this. Some people are just very, very selfish.

ThanosSavedMe Fri 23-Aug-19 09:40:54

Next time (because there will be a next time) sympathise with her but say your unable to help.

Rosielily Fri 23-Aug-19 09:41:13

She'll be giving you their Christmas present wish lists next. What relation are these children to you?

MmmBlowholes Fri 23-Aug-19 09:42:26

What relation are they?

Bloodypuddled Fri 23-Aug-19 09:42:48

SpottedGingham I completely understand your response, but I've spent years being made out to be a bad person to the children by her. I just couldn't face telling him to get out of the car because I wasn't going to help him.

Unfortunately he's going up to secondary school so did need the new uniform and equipment.

My partner's family are so upset that I've been taken advantage of again. I feel like such an awful person either way. I just can't win.

Bloodypuddled Fri 23-Aug-19 09:44:05

They are my nephews and niece.

Beerincomechampagnetastes Fri 23-Aug-19 09:47:48

You’re not an awful person op. I’d rather be you than the cf any day.

Look at it this way, you helped out a young man who’s got an awful mother. You made a difference to the young man. He may not know it now and his mother won’t acknowledge it- but you have.

The only action I would be taking from now on concerns the mother.
I would no longer be on calls listening, empathising and being supportive.

100timewforgotten Fri 23-Aug-19 09:48:18

If you end up not seeing your nephews and nieces to stop being taken advantage of then you need to let it happen. Your sister knows your a soft touch and she thinks your a mug! Listen to your partner and his family!

YouTheCat Fri 23-Aug-19 09:51:15

Just say no in future. The worst that will happen is she cuts you off.

Bloodypuddled Fri 23-Aug-19 09:53:45

It's just a struggle for me because they are the closest thing I have to children. My partner and I are currently trying but we have fertility issues after a previous miscarriage. I tend to get the 'you don't have children so you don't understand' lecture, and the thought of not seeing the children hurts.
I've gone weeks to months at a time without seeing them after arguments and my nephew has asked me before why I 'don't bother' anymore. I can't tell him the truth because I get made to be the villain for turning him against her.

MancaroniCheese Fri 23-Aug-19 09:56:22

OP now that the eldest is of secondary age, presumably old enough to have a mobile so can you maintain contact directly with him.

I’m guessing that this is perhaps not your sister but your brothers ex?

timshelthechoice Fri 23-Aug-19 09:56:56

Lesson learned. You need to learn to say no.

Bloodypuddled Fri 23-Aug-19 09:59:31

MacaroniCheese, unfortunately this is my sister.
He does have a phone but my number gets blocked from his phone by her too.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 23-Aug-19 10:04:16

I don't understand why you can't say to your sister that SHE IS TAKING THE PISS.

Up to you if you want her to keep taking you for a mug.

LeysaV Fri 23-Aug-19 10:05:40

Oh she is definitely taking the piss.

Thank god your sisters children have you as an Auntie though. You done a good thing and I too would be very pissed at my sister in such circimstances.

kitk Fri 23-Aug-19 10:06:16

Sorry OP. This happened to me last year. A school mum messaged me to say she'd been feeding her kids out of a food bank all summer hols. Her youngest is best friends with my DD so when she asked if I could do her a fresh foods weekly shop I felt like I couldn't say no. A few days later there were pics of them in a nice local restaurant and I felt like a right mug.

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