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To think if you're skint, it affects your children's outcomes in life

(135 Posts)
racetogether Thu 22-Aug-19 15:17:24

We have always been skint. We don't particularly have a good quality of life- very small house, needs alot of work, no Garden, . My kids have never been away on a holiday, they don't have bikes- we can't afford it. We can't afford trips out even it it's free as we need take into account cost of petrol so they are few and far between. Things like going to zoos etc is out of the question. They've been wanting to join a football club for several years but at £40/m there's no chance.

I feel sad for my kids. They don't have the same opportunities as I would have liked to have given them. I have mental health issues and suffer from depression on and off and this also I find affects the way I parent.

I feel I'm really letting my kids down.

Ok the other hand, their friends holiday regular ansn

NoodlesMcGee Fri 23-Aug-19 11:26:23

@ShatnersWig and @Jaxhog - agree with you both 100%. It's not the done thing to say on MN (and not especially helpful on this thread) but having a child is always a choice. They don't ask to be born.

Isthebigwomanhere Fri 23-Aug-19 11:29:38

I grew up in horrendous poverty.
No holidays
No days out
No play dates
No san pro
No new clothes

I don't have many fond memories of my childhood and was bullied at school because of being poor.
I don't blame anyone struggling to get by on minimum wage and the cost of living for their financial situation.
I do however blame my mother for not doing anything about out situation
She could of worked more hours
Could of taken me the park
Could of done so much more than she did but she just could not be arsed.

I left at 16 and I've never been back.
I made sure that my children never had the childhood I did.
I always took them out even if just to a free museum.
I knew we couldn't afford a car and to do things so I never had a car till I was 45.
You do what needs to be done and you just do your best.

stayathomer Fri 23-Aug-19 11:30:17

Why is it unfair forJaxhogto askI have to wonder why you kept on having kids when you were skint?when the OP has stated they have always been skint?

Because she HAS her children. This isn't a thread considering whether to have children. They are here, so talking about choosing not to have kids is not what anyone needs to hear

stayathomer Fri 23-Aug-19 11:34:57

OP two things. First I know people are giving out about pp suggesting this, but can you move at all? We have lived with no garden before and it does seriously affect your mood that you can't just push them out to play or get fresh air. Also where we live mo you can walk yo a few places so that helps. Number two: if you are even worrying about your kids you've answered your own question: in the very very end the most important thing is that your kids have a happy mum and or dad who cares. You do. Big hug OP flowerscakebrew

Henrysnoopy Fri 23-Aug-19 11:37:46

Could you retrain? I did some courses and I'm now earning £15 an hour. I work in the evenings and weekends around dh but it has made a difference working back to back so saving on childcare.

PoppyFleur Fri 23-Aug-19 12:24:13

My parents were immigrants to this country, English was not their first language and therefore job choices were limited and they were readily taken advantage of by landlords and employers. Money was very tight, we were always well fed but my older sibling has memories of my parents purposefully going without to ensure we had enough food. However, my parents were determined to build a better life and worked hard to achieve this, by the time I reached my teens, my parents through hard graft had up skilled and our family finances were better.

My DH grew up in a poor Northern town, his family were financially better off than mine, his parents are English, so no language barrier to overcome, and FIL was a skilled managerial worker. But although PIL are lovely, they never spoke to DH and his siblings about achievement and success. They hadn't been to further or higher education and gave the children the impression that education wasn't for the likes of them. Ambition has a language and children need to hear it. As someone further up the thread mentioned, the statistics are depressing but your children are people not statistics.

My parents truly believed in education and how it was the way out of any situation. They encouraged my sibling and I, believed in us and told us each day that we were loved, they were proud of us and we could achieve anything we set our mind too. We both are now in professional roles. It hasn't always been easy, I have a life limiting disability (this was an added financial pressure on my parents growing up) and even in this day and age it can be hard overcoming the prejudice and perception some people hold. However, I am grateful for my life. I was a latch key kid from age 6 but I only look back on my childhood with happiness and pride in my parents. My dad is no longer with us and I miss him every day.

Be interested in your children, taken them to the library, read with them, tell them each day that you love them and are proud of them. They will blossom because they have you in their life, a wonderful and interested mum who cares.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Fri 23-Aug-19 12:30:21

I don’t buy into the “happy mum happy children” mantra. Parents can be happy and the children miserable.

I also agree Jax in that children are a choice so having them knowing finances aren’t there (or wouldn’t be in future in the event of a relationship going pear shaped etc) is on the adults.

Isthebigwoman, I’ve never been back either. You realise as an adult everything that went on and can make decisions based on that. As a child you’re stuck and have no choice but to get through it until you can change your own life.

0pheIiaBaIIs Sat 24-Aug-19 12:23:43

Despite DH working full time we didn't have much money when DD was younger. I can't work due to disability.

We've never been on a 'proper' family holiday but we used to save and spend a few days away a year on a UK city break - we stayed in Travelodges and had 'bed picnics' some nights which was far cheaper than eating out, and DD loved the novelty value. Lots of visits to museums, beaches, galleries, country walks etc.

We couldn't afford a computer, much less the internet, at home when DD was younger. It was awful because all her homework was set online and she had to walk to the library in all weathers after school to do it. Sometimes there were no computers available and she would get into trouble for not doing her homework. We have no friends or family so she was unable to go to anyone's house to do it - she had no friends herself and was bullied, in part for being one of the 'poor' kids. A girl once asked her if she was an 'illegal immigrant' because she was poor.

She worked very hard at school despite all of that and won a place at a Russell Group university. Because we live in one of the 10% most deprived postcodes in the UK, she was awarded grants and bursaries to help. She's now planning her master's and after that, a PhD.

Being poor can affect childhood, but it can be overcome. That said, all children should have the same opportunities. Many do get left behind and it's a disgrace.

HeyThereDelilah1 Sat 28-Sep-19 20:45:42

@0pheIiaBaIIs your daughter sounds amazing, congrats to you all.

juggler82 Sat 28-Sep-19 20:57:15

We were skint growing up - bankruptcy, lost childhood home, sold our toys at car boots level skint. However, the four of us (yes four, how dare my parents..) are successful and mostly happy. Our childhoods have certainly had an effect on us, but because my parents valued education we’ve done ok despite it. I still hate car boot sales though!

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