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To not pay my ex for things I'm never going to use?

(66 Posts)
Tafelberg Tue 20-Aug-19 14:21:46

I recently split up with my partner (made a thread last week about the fact I'm having to stay living with him for the next few months due to not being able to afford to move out) and he is demanding money from me. We had only moved into the new flat a few days before we broke up (it was my decision). The flat was unfurnished, and he paid for a new bed frame and mattress for what was going to be our room and is now demanding that I pay him half for both of these, as he bought them on the understanding we would jointly pay for them. However, I have only slept in that bed four or five times and am obviously never going to do so again, so I don't feel I should have to pay him for them - what do you all think?

Added to this is the fact that while I was staying with family after we broke up, my bike was stolen from our porch, which my ex has been leaving unlocked since I left (I always used to lock the porch when I lived there). The bike wasn't locked up, which is my fault, I know, but my ex had brought it over from the old flat in his car and I'd just assumed he would have locked it back up as I'd given him the key for the lock to move it. When I asked my ex where my bike had gone, he said he assumed I'd taken it when I went to stay with my family. When I told him I hadn't and that the porch door had been unlocked so it had clearly been stolen, he admitted he'd been leaving the porch unlocked, but said it was my fault for not locking my bike.

I realise the above all sounds ridiculously petty but just wanted to give some context. My bike was expensive - even if we took joint responsibility for its theft, that would mean my ex owes me £250 which is around the amount he's asking for for the bed. I don't know what to do. He's an angry person and I know he's not going to like me trying to use that as justification not to pay for the bed. Part of me thinks I should just pay him so he doesn't make my life even more hellish for the next few months I have to carry on living with him.

Phillipa12 Tue 20-Aug-19 14:24:31

Tell him to jog on, no way would i pay half for a bed and mattress that im not going to use.

Ponoka7 Tue 20-Aug-19 14:25:51

If he's keeping the bed, he pays for it.

If he loses his temper and you feel threatened, phone the police.

You only have his word that he hasn't sold or deliberately got rid of your bike.

Scorpiovenus Tue 20-Aug-19 14:33:55

Just walk away and speak to the council for accommodation. Id laugh at him and tell him to get f£$ked lol

Tafelberg Tue 20-Aug-19 14:43:26

Thanks @Phillipa12 and @Ponoka7. The thought did cross my mind that he may have got rid of my bike, I'm really hoping even he wouldn't be that mean though. I guess I'm just worried how far this will go if I refuse though. I'm currently sleeping on a kid's bed bought for the flat by his parents (his DC come and stay every other weekend). What if he tells me I'll need to buy my own bed and not use that because it's not mine? I wouldn't put it past him.

@Scopiovenus not sure the council would be able to help me. The tenancy is for 12 months and in both our names. He's said he can't afford to take the lease on by himself until December so I'm basically stuck there until then.

be47 Tue 20-Aug-19 14:46:38

Sorry, just to be clear:
Your ex bought a bed for the two of you for your new place
You then waited a grand sum of 5 days to dump him, leaving him with an expensive piece of furniture he probably wouldn't have bought/been able to afford otherwise
You're trying to leave him with an expensive lease by himself because you didn't dump him before you signed it - again probably a flat he wouldn't have rented by himself, had he known
You failed to lock your bike up properly, resulting in it being stolen when the porch was left unlocked (which it would never occur to me to lock if the front door was locked - much easier for leaving parcels etc.)

And somehow all this is HIS fault? I'd be angry in those circumstances too! (And when I was abandoned on a lease and with expenses under similar cirumstances, I was PISSED)

Wasrelaxing Tue 20-Aug-19 14:46:58

I would suggest to him that if he wants to keep the bed then you are not paying for it. If he doesn't want to keep the bed you sell it and give him the money plus the amount he would be out. So if the bed was £100 new and you sold it for £80 you would need to give him £10.

You have to forget the bike and claim it on the insurance.

Wasrelaxing Tue 20-Aug-19 14:48:24

I missed the bit about the lease.... It would be your responsibilty to either find another tenant or you need to speak to the landlord and pay any out of pocket expenses.

uokhun25 Tue 20-Aug-19 14:50:02

Don't pay him anything!!

Get out of there asap if you can - what is the reason you have to stay?? is there a friends sofa or family that you can crash with instead until you are back on your feet?

I'd just let the bike go - not worth the argument!!

Just block him from being able to contact you and move on!!

HollowTalk Tue 20-Aug-19 14:52:41

Wouldn't you only lose the deposit if you both moved out now?

SorryDidISayThatOutLoud Tue 20-Aug-19 14:53:15

You can’t claim for the bike in your insurance unless you record the crime with the police as they will want a crime recording number as soon as you mention it’s been stolen.
Tell your ex that you are reporting the crime. If he’s got rid of your bike you will probably be able to tell by his response.
Anyway tell him to bog off about asking you to pay for half the bed.

AngelsSins Tue 20-Aug-19 14:57:38

Hes a joke! My ex and I moved into a new flat and we went 50/50 on some new furniture. When we split up a few month short later, I paid him his half back, because I was keeping everything! He doesn’t get to keep it all AND demand half the cost.

willowmelangell Tue 20-Aug-19 14:58:54

You are BVU.
Put the shoe on the other foot.
You have well and truly shafted him. Pay your half.

ElizaDee Tue 20-Aug-19 14:59:58

Why did you wait until after signing the lease to finish with him?

zackly Tue 20-Aug-19 15:01:07

I'm with be47, I think you've behaved badly.

That said, paying him half the money for the bed doesn't make sense. If he doesn't want it/can't afford it, then it should be sold and you pay half the difference as another poster described.

Helendee Tue 20-Aug-19 15:01:41

Why did you sign a lease when you were planning to dump the guy, why bother to move in with him?

Sandybval Tue 20-Aug-19 15:03:38

You must have had an incline you wanted to end things when you moved into the flat and he bought the bed, surely? He probably wouldn't have spent so much on a bed for just himself, and you could have made sure your bike was locked up. I don't think you should necessarily pay it, but how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

AlmostAJillSandwich Tue 20-Aug-19 15:05:18

Feel so sorry for the guy, he's lumped with the full rent when he was only expecting half and is tied in for the next year?!

fruitbrewhaha Tue 20-Aug-19 15:05:41

Why did you slip up 5 days after signing the contract?

fruitbrewhaha Tue 20-Aug-19 15:05:55


loobyloo1234 Tue 20-Aug-19 15:06:29

Im with @be47 here

I think YABVU actually

B3ck89 Tue 20-Aug-19 15:09:00

You move in together, he then forks out for expensive furniture and then you dump him?
Wow I would be highly pissed at you aswell hmm
As for all the posters saying f@ck him - how is he in the wrong? He’s just as much out of pocket as she is, or am I missing something?

DelphiniumBlue Tue 20-Aug-19 15:10:28

I'd say in both cases, bed and bike, loss lies where it falls. If the bike is covered by insurance, then that's a bonus really.
I also think that what's fair might depend on why you split up - if it's because you went off with someone else, you might want to make things easier for him financially. If, on the other hand, you split because ( for example) he's an abusive cheating tightwad, why should you take the hit for any of this?
It also depends if you discussed going halves on furniture, or the bed in particular, and who gets to keep it.
Sounds like he may well try and get money out of you by any means - if you really have to stay there, move anything valuable out to your parents or somewhere safe.

uokhun25 Tue 20-Aug-19 15:12:18

why can't you just give a months notice to leave the apartment - probably loose the deposit - sell the furniture and move on with your lives apart!!

MonnieMoo Tue 20-Aug-19 15:15:28

I agree with those who feel YABVVU! If he wouldn’t have moved into that flat and bought the bed etc by himself and has only done so because you were each going to be paying your fair share you’ve well and truly shafted him! Did you mean to be so cruel? I’d be furious if someone had done this to me and I would bloody refuse to be put out of pocket because the other party has changed their minds about commitments we took on together.

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