Neighbours Teenager WWYD(96 Posts)
I’m probably being a bit oversensitive but I’ve noticed since moving to the house I now live in (moved in Feb this year - mid terrace but good size) that next doors elder teenage son has taken some kind of offence to my existence.
I’m trying to just let it go as typical teenage arsy-ness and I’ve not lived here long enough to feel comfortable raising it with him or his parents.
I am also aware that - after suffering the loss of my third child earlier this year to stillbirth - I am a bit more sensitive to things than I used to be.
So it’s not constant from the lad, but since we moved here he has:
Trapped my disabled cat in a corner and fired a pellet gun at her. He didn’t know I was in my back garden (he was in his) whilst doing this and the minute I asked if he’d seen her he got very meek. I think his parents had a massive go at him after I’d asked if I could come and collect her (I didn’t mention anything at this point to the parents as I’d only lived here for a few weeks at that stage and didn’t know enough about them). I think this was the start of his dislike towards me.
He has since repeatedly referred to me as the c*nt next door when he’s on the back garden late at night speaking to whoever over the phone (on loudspeaker) and said he’s going to “get her fucking cat next time”.
Throws his fag ends into my back garden - moreso when I’m out there - I’ve had to stop DS eating them twice when he’s found one I’ve missed (eyes like a hawk my DS haha).
Then today. I took DD and DS onto our back garden to play after their lunch and he was hanging out of his bedroom window having a cigarette as usual. I am aware I do talk in a higher pitched voice when playing with my toddlers - I don’t force it, it just happens. Not to a nails on chalkboard level but the usual upbeat, encouraging sort of way that a lot of parents talk to their small children. He starts hurling abuse at me (loud enough for me to hear it but not so loud as his parents hear him) about the way I speak - and I quote here - “doing my fucking head in, the way you talk if fucking stupid”. Said in the usual monosyllabic grunts of a teenaged lad. I ignored him as best I could and continued to play with my twins but I have to admit after that I didn’t speak with them as much.
It’s ridiculous that it has left me so annoyed and I should let it go as it’s not really worth getting into a feud over (I’ve had some pretty aggressive neighbours in life and not looking to repeat the cycle) but I’m wondering if it’s going to get worse and given how vulnerable my mental state is at the moment since losing my baby in April, I just don’t know how to go about sorting this.
DH has been looking for a chance to have words with the lad since the pellet gun incident and I told him not to rise to it as - whilst the parents seem like fair and decent people - if he (DH) starts having a go they’ll defend their son, just as most parents would and it could lead to more trouble than it’s worth! But at the same time I can’t abide being spoken to like I’m something this kid stepped in and him treating my back garden as a flipping ashtray.
I posted last week about going to get the results from the hospital regarding my loss and this seems so stupid considering what me and DH are going through - I’m in a bit of a loop with myself between just ignore him and carry on and feeling that I can’t handle his blatant animosity towards me.
Argh give my head a wobble please MN.
Or attacking my cat! That was meant to be in the list of things I can’t abide - I’m sorry typing fast and not thinking very clearly at the moment
You're not being over sensitive. I'd invite his parents over and have a calm chat with them.
Thank you - I’ve been dithering with this decision as I seem to be more and more anxious about it and what might go wrong if I offend them in some way. I never used to be this meek and I’m annoyed at myself.
There is also a part of me saying ‘he’s just putting up a front like a lot of teenagers do’ because he probably feels I got him in trouble after only being here for a short time and even if the parents are open to discussing it, I’m not sure it’ll make his behaviour any better, if that makes any sense? He reminds me a lot of the boys I went to school with and typically intervention just made their behaviour worse at his age - I can’t believe I’m 31 and kowtowing to a teenager though 😩
You poor thing, what a crap situation.
One part of me says, he sees your vulnerability and is targeting you as he thinks you are weak and he can. Maybe if you had kicked up a fuss in parents earshot he would back down.
But the other voice in my head says he is trying to provoke you so he can attack full throttle. Who knows what made the last neighbours leave?
I would suggest that you try to calmly bump in to said parents and ask whether they have any issues with you that you can make better as their son is indicating such.
Then you aren't making accusations, criticising or causing trouble, but just making sure they know????
For starters, keep your cat indoors.
Tell his parents that if he keeps verbally abusing, harassing and intimidating you, you’ll go to the police. Keep a diary of everything.
No, please DO talk to the parents. Inviting them over for a calm chat is definitely the way to go. If they won't deal then record everything (as in document everything) and if it continues involve police.
I don't think you are being over sensitive. I'm really sorry for your loss. I think it's a big advantage that the neighbours seem reasonable... I assumed they would be awful too. I would either speak to the parents or write shitty teenager a letter, or get DH to have a word with him.
How old is he?
I'd be having words with his parents and possibly reporting him to the police.
They couldn't do much but they could have a quiet word.
He's harassing you.
Trapped my disabled cat in a corner and fired a pellet gun at her.
I think this was the start of his dislike towards me.
So exhibits one of the major signifiers of potential to develop psychopathy, & instead of remorse, blames his victim (victim's owner).
OP I'm so glad you sound robust & more pissed off than scared.
Deliberate harm to animals in teenage years is a giant red flag - I mean recognised, documented by experts flag, not just some poster on the net (me).
he probably feels I got him in trouble after only being here for a short time
This is the part that needs discussion.
If the parents are open to it, & you feel an honest conversation can be managed, start with them. But I would also be logging the pellet gun incident & subsequent verbal threats with the police - 101 level, not 999.
I trust you can cobble your own incident log together?
Promise I'm not looking to be alarmist, but please cover your arse - if the parents don't play ball, you'll be dealing with their denials as well.
I am so sorry for your recent loss - & fwiw, you are deffo NOT coming over as meek. Far from it. You sound sensible, grounded & in charge.
I would put cctv up.
A camera on the cats collar wouldnt go amiss, but to be perfectly honest I wouldnt let the cat out as he is determined to get it
I can't believe you didn't call the police in the first place after he did that to your cat tbh. I would have, and I don't say that very often!
He sounds like a nasty piece of work. I would 100% tell his parents about him aiming the pellet gun at your cat because if he succeeds he is breaking the law. If he was to succeed in the future would you speak to the police? Press charges? That's why his parents need to know so they can take action before it gets to that point. If you think the parents are a decent sort as you've said, I'm sure they'd appreciate the heads up so they can take action (remove the gun for a start).
You could talk to your local PCSO and ask for advice too. I'm wondering if with access to the gun and his attitude, whether he is already know locally to them. You don't say how old he is, but I'm guessing older teens than younger?
What is the current law?
Under the Firearms Act 1968, as amended by the Anti-social Behaviour Act 2003 and the Violent Crime Reduction Act 2006, it is an offence to have an air weapon (loaded or not) in a public place without a reasonable excuse.
It is also an offence for a person under the age of 18 to have an air weapon or ammunition for an air weapon in their possession without supervision of a person aged 21 or over.
Under the Animal Welfare Act 2006, anyone found guilty of causing unnecessary suffering to an animal could face a maximum six-month prison sentence or a £20,000 fine.
Yeah, defo chat to the parents and tell them everything. Including the gun and the cat and the baby (so very sorry for your loss). Tell them you’ve made allowances since you are new to the area. But enough is enough and any more incidents of any kind, including verbal abuse out of s window will have to be reported to the police.
Are guns even legal now, in Scotland air guns are not allowed. I don’t think.
He’s very lucky not to have been in serious trouble with the police before now - or perhaps he has. Bullying little bastard. Any more nonsense get on the phone and get the police down. It’s not acceptable.
Better to phone the police that what I would do if I ever caught anyone harming my cat......And then I’d be jailed.
I’d be tempted to move. Seriously.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.
Oh and start taping all your conversation with the parents on your mobile phone. Give the boy the chance to refute your side of the story. He’ll go nuts and it will all be caught on your phone for evidence? Should you need it. Although it may not be admissible in court but you may not need it there if you can avoid murdering the little shit.
If someone did that to my cat I wouldn’t be dithering about. Sorry you are going through this, OP.
Not sure of his age but I think he’s around 17-18 years old.
I am keeping cat indoors as well - she managed to escape through the back door but is usually an indoor cat due to her disability but she was spooked by something on the day and I was just coming inside with the washing!
I think the best start is to talk to his parents as they seem nice and were really helpful when I went to get my cat from their garden. I just don’t want them to feel like I’m being stupid for entertaining him so to speak - or if they do decide to try and sort it - for his behaviour to escalate. But my instinct is telling me that a lot of it is a front from how he reacted when I asked him about my cat, I wanted to lose my shit at him there and then but I’ve lost my edge I’ll have to admit.
Their younger son who is around 14 is so polite (only hear him raising his voice when playing on Fortnite) he just popped a note through my door apologising for his brother. So I get the feeling the parents have probably been made aware. But a chat still should happen as I’m an adult and that’s how an adult should respond. I’m just glad I’m not taking things out of proportion for today. I have every right to be angry about the other things but today has tipped me over the edge and I started to doubt my reactions 😩
Sounds like the start of a criminal minds episode!
I agree with everyone that you should talk to his parents.
My God! He sounds like a psychopath! I really think you need to speak to his parents. I'm pretty relaxed with most typical teen behaviour but this goes over and above that. He sounds slightly unhinged. Speak to his parents in a calm, non- confrontational way. You really aren't overacting at all.
Ds1 was very antisocial until about 6 months ago, in fact I clicked on this thread feeling slightly sick that you might be my neighbour (but you aren't!). I would definitely want to know, and my neighbours did used to tell me what he'd been up to quite regularly.
So, yes, do let them know what's been happening. They'll probably have a good idea of what he's like anyway so it's unlikely to be a shock.
His treatment of the cat is particularly worrying, though. Ds1 was an utter, utter twat to us and the neighbours but he would not have harmed an animal.
Typical teenage annoyance would be playing loud/ offensive music at you whenever the opportunity arose, or sniggering at you to friends in retaliation for you grassing them up to their parents for having an out of control party or similar. Not taking up animal cruelty in response to the fact you live next door.
As the parent of a teenager that regularly comes into contact with loads more of them, being a sadistic fucker is not part of the territory. He wants cornering and shooting with a pellet gun somewhere sensitive.
If the parents were previously annoyed with him, I would definitely talk to them again. Although personally I’d be more disgusted with my teen for doing that than if I found out she’d been using the house as a crack den while I was at work.
I'd be round to speak to the parents every time he abuses you, and if they didn't do something I would be speaking to a community support police officer and asking them to have a work about harassment. I would also have told both his parents and the police about the incident with the cat.
Hi there. I’m so sorry that you lost your baby . You of all people should not have to endure this behaviour. I think you should speak to his parents. He is a danger to you, your children and your cat. I would use your post as the start of a log and write everything down. And I absolutely would report to the Police if all harassment does not stop.
I would agree fully with earlier comment about psychopathy. He sounds not only anti-social, but dangerous. Talk to the parents as a matter of urgency.
Please speak to the parents about this, if this was a fully grown man doing and saying these things you would not hesitate to go to the police as it is threatening and aggressive behaviour and he is certainly old enough to know better. Don't allow him the excuse of 'typical teenager'.
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