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To not want to be spoken to like this?

(108 Posts)
plantwhisperer Mon 19-Aug-19 14:14:30

Bit of background, DP & I have a 1 year old dog. He's been potty trained now for about 6 months (we don't have a garden so took a little longer than expected!) and pup has been doing really well with going out at set times and peeing then.

DP has a short temper- not physically violent or anything but he will snap at the smallest things, I really really try to actively avoid him getting mad at the dog as it's not the dogs fault and negative reinforcement never helps!

Anyway, pup was due to go out for his lunchtime walk (which is DP's responsibility) and DP was late taking him out by 40mins so pup peed in his crate where he was sitting (crate open btw he just chooses to go in there!)

I'm trying to clean up the mess, dog is covered in piss and manages to shake it on me (ew), the floor and the walls! I suggest to DP that he takes the dog out now and we will bath him when he comes back (as he was due a bath anyway and DP planned on getting him muddy). Instead DP starts yelling at me about how it's my fault, I'm a clean freak and don't need to clean the floor, it's the dogs fault etc etc and that he has loads of work to do.

I snapped as I offered to clean up the place whilst he took the dog out AND bath him afterwards but DP insisted on doing it himself all the while having a go at me as it's apparently 'all my fault'. I told him I'm on his side and he doesn't need to take it out on me but he just doesn't listen when he has a mood swing!

So AIBU in that I don't deserve to be spoken to in that way and blamed just because he can't control his temper? This is quite a small example but has really tipped me over the edge today as he's always losing it with me over small things when I'm either a) not involved in them or b) offer to bloody help him!

Beesandcheese Mon 19-Aug-19 14:16:15

He sounds awful

Summerunderway Mon 19-Aug-19 14:17:46

Not an ideal ddog owner is he? And def not a partner of any sort.
Ltb and keep the ddog imo...

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Mon 19-Aug-19 14:17:52

His responsibility to take the dog out. He didn't. Dog peed in his crate.

How the hell is this your fault exactly?

Fuck that. He sounds like an arsehole.

Tableclothing Mon 19-Aug-19 14:18:43

Don't have kids with him.

flashdancer19 Mon 19-Aug-19 14:19:31

YABU for having a dog without access to a garden etc, both unreasonable here

Your DH IBU to not walk the dog at the time the dog needs to wee

Why could you not take the dog is DH was working, ultimately the dog suffered.

Your DH Is being unreasonable for shouting, he sounds like an arse.

CrotchetyQuaver Mon 19-Aug-19 14:20:44

YANBU. All completely his fault and could have been avoided if the dog had been taken out at the right time. You shouldn't be clearing up the mess, he should. He sounds awful. Poor dog stuck in the middle of this, he did his best going in the crate to do it.

dollydaydream114 Mon 19-Aug-19 14:29:59

You know what? Your DP is never going to change. He is always going to snap, fly into a temper, take it out on you or your dog for no reason, and you are always going to be scared of him and walking on eggshells. If this is what he is like over a puppy weeing on the floor, imagine what he'll be like if something genuinely bad happens.

I have been in this position and it does not get better. He's treating you like shit and you are already trying to protect your puppy from his temper. This is no way to live and you need to leave him.

Sorry if that sounds dramatic but honestly, trust me. I've been there. Also, my ex wasn't physically violent either ... at first. Eventually, he did start hitting me about 18 months into our relationship. But it started with exactly the type of behaviour you describe.

Shoxfordian Mon 19-Aug-19 14:32:03

It's his fault for not taking the dog out when he should have. I wouldn't be so sure he won't be physically violent wither6

Shoxfordian Mon 19-Aug-19 14:32:19


brassbrass Mon 19-Aug-19 14:35:02

Hopefully DP and not DH. Do you want kids with a man like this?

ClemDanFango Mon 19-Aug-19 14:36:14

Keep the dog get rid of the boyfriend.

adaline Mon 19-Aug-19 14:38:16

Jesus. Leave him, and take the dog with you!

HaileySherman Mon 19-Aug-19 14:38:24

OF COURSE IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! You can't seriously be asking right? I'm really hoping you're more looking for sympathy, because if not you really need to reevaluate your situation and self-esteem OP. No one deserves to be spoken to thet way. flowers

BertrandRussell Mon 19-Aug-19 14:40:08


PuffsMummie Mon 19-Aug-19 14:40:16

What do you think, OP?

It's quite clear he is being totally unfair and taking it out on you when he knows its his own fault.

Very immature.

Get him to address these issues and deal better with his anger, you can't live your life " really really trying to actively avoid him getting mad "

Els1e Mon 19-Aug-19 14:41:06

I would definitely leave the boyfriend and consider handing the dog over to a rehoming centre. This is not fair on any of you.

lmusic87 Mon 19-Aug-19 14:43:06

What an overreaction!

LordNibbler Mon 19-Aug-19 14:43:24

If you don't want to leave your boyfriend then you need to rehome your pup. This is a real life creature and it shouldn't be living like this. I can't even imagine how stressful it is for a small pup to be shouted at and hear shouting. You need to take a bit of responsibility here, whilst you're not shouting yourself, you're allowing your partner to behave like this with the pup. You know what he's like, you've said already, so it's not a one off now is it?

Motoko Mon 19-Aug-19 14:51:08

OP, why is he your partner? Why have you chosen to live with a man whose temper can flare up at the smallest thing, and who makes you change YOUR behaviour, in order to try to avoid his temper? It doesn't work, does it?

And now you've brought a poor defenceless puppy into the mix.

Your partner is abusing you, it doesn't have to be physical violence to be abuse, but he may not have hit you yet, but he will. It's only a matter of time.

You need to leave him, and take the puppy. For fuck's sake, do not have kids with this man, or you'll be tied to him forever, and you'll be raising children in an abusive household, which will damage them.

Oysterbabe Mon 19-Aug-19 14:59:04

How did you get a dog to sit on a potty?

messolini9 Mon 19-Aug-19 15:07:15

OP- can you keep the pup, & lose the entitled, unreasonable manchild?

He's got you taking the blame for HIS lateness in letting pup out for a wee.
Tell me, does DO have form for gaslighting you holding you to account for his own inability to manage his timekeeping or his temper?

plantwhisperer Mon 19-Aug-19 15:13:12

Sorry everyone! Thanks for replying, I was just cleaning up and showering, reading comments and replying now. Thanks!

plantwhisperer Mon 19-Aug-19 15:15:18

@flashdancer19 re not having a garden, many people don't have one and manage to fulfill their dogs needs. Our pup goes out every 3hrs for a chance to wee and has an hour's run around each day on top of 10-15min walks.

I was working last night until 3 so slept in.

plantwhisperer Mon 19-Aug-19 15:15:52

@Tableclothing Not planning to anytime soon, I would like one in the future though if he sorts his attitude out.

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