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Fiance's excitement towards best friends pregnancy news

(39 Posts)
Tp93 Mon 19-Aug-19 00:09:38

We have one child and another one on the way. With the first child he was really scared and didn't react very well although we were trying for the baby we were living with his parents at the time while our house was being built so a grown man was terrified of telling his parents we were having a baby so I had to tell them 🤨 throughout my pregnancy he didn't seem that excited unless he was talking to friends about the pregnancy.
The second time we tried for this baby also and we found out at the doctors office he just said "I told you so!" Then that was his reaction. He works long hours so I don't like to bother him with my aches and pains with this pregnancy.

Last night he went to his best friends house for dinner, our child was sick so I stayed home, he sent me a photo of them announcing their pregnancy! I was so happy for them they had just been married a few months prior and I knew this is what the wife has always wanted. When he got home he was literally jumping for joy! And I mean jumping around the house with excitement for them saying how he will be so involved and the kids will be so close in age and we should move closer to them (we are 30 minutes away at the moment) so we can have play dates etc. Of course he should be happy for his best friend and his wife but why didn't I get this reaction he's more excited about their pregnancy than he has been for both of mine. It's a bit hurtful I don't even know why I'm posting just more venting

annielouise Mon 19-Aug-19 00:12:36

Point it out to him, see what he says.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart Mon 19-Aug-19 00:13:25

That’s quite weird. Do you think he has been feeling out of his friendship group because he has kids but now his best friend is having one he is glad to have someone else in his “club”, they can do dad play dates etc?

Cinammoncake Mon 19-Aug-19 00:14:16

Maybe he'll feel closer to the friend when he's also a dad, plus there's more opportunities for you to socialise together with the kids.

NamelessGem Mon 19-Aug-19 00:14:58

Maybe he’s the dad

MyOtherProfile Mon 19-Aug-19 00:15:04

Perhaps he has less fear of something going wrong with someone else's pregnancy and was anxious with both of yours?

Hecateh Mon 19-Aug-19 00:16:56

There is no worry involved with their pregnancy. He can enjoy it without any real emotional involvement.

With your own child there is always worry and potential for disaster

SmellbowSpaceBowl Mon 19-Aug-19 00:20:49

How did he react to their wedding?

Tp93 Mon 19-Aug-19 00:20:51

JoxerGoesToStuttgart Yes he has been they have very social lives with a big friends group so when my partner had a child he couldn't go to a lot. They have another best friend who is definitely not going to find someone and have a child any time soon so he was really wanting his married friend to have a child at the same time we did so they can relate to something I guess.

annielouise I did ask him why he was so excited more than my pregnancies in a light hearted way and he just said he's been waiting 2 years for his friend to have a child at the same time with him and now they can do things together with the kids.
Their other friends don't have any children so it will just be partner and his friend with kids

messolini9 Mon 19-Aug-19 00:22:18

He works long hours so I don't like to bother him with my aches and pains with this pregnancy.

Why on earth not? You are pregnant 24 hours a day. With HIS child. Damn right he should be hearing about them!

Tp93 Mon 19-Aug-19 00:28:25

NamelessGem not likely 🤣

MyOtherProfile Yes he has told me that it's different when it's not your child

Hecateh yes you're right. He can hand their child back 🤣 I get he's excited but it was the over excitement that upset me a bit. I'm almost 8 months pregnant maybe it's my hormones 😂

SmellbowSpaceBowl my partner was a groomsman so he was honored to be involved in their wedding considering they sort of grew apart as they got older as most people do. But he wasn't jumping around like he was last night. Looking back it was a bit funny watching him jump around

Skittlenommer Mon 19-Aug-19 00:33:06

He probably missed his life pre-child/children and though it was over so now his mates are jumping on he doesn’t feel so alone.

HennyPennyHorror Mon 19-Aug-19 00:33:37

He's just happy he'll have friends with kids.

SmellbowSpaceBowl Mon 19-Aug-19 00:39:27

If he’s always compared himself to his best friend, it makes sense. He won’t feel like he’s missing out on anything - sort of affirms his life choices.

elizzza Mon 19-Aug-19 00:46:01

Honestly I kind of get it. The excitement you feel for a friend is uncomplicated - they’re happy, you’re happy for them. For me the excitement over my own (very much wanted!) pregnancies was tinged with terror - about my life changing, about whether I’d be a good parent, about money, about how I’d cope with sleep deprivation etc. I found it a lot simpler to be happy for other people.

It’s horrible for you that you don’t feel he’s excited about your kids though. I think sometimes it can be hard for men to feel connected to the pregnancy - this immense physical thing is happening to you, but they’re kind of just waiting for the end of it. You should feel like you can talk to him about your aches and pains, even if he does work long hours - talking about the pregnancy more might help him feel more connected?

tolerable Mon 19-Aug-19 01:51:53

i did this. I have to fabulous sons.14yrs age difference. first pregnancy i was utterly clueless/caught in the unknowing haze.second one-came complications so..not similar. .my nephew was born 2 months after ds2...i was ....same as your fella.....

EmeraldShamrock Mon 19-Aug-19 02:06:42

He is happy his friend is on the same playing field now.
It is hard if your the only one with DC from.a group of friends.
DC change you, I would be miffed it takes a friend for him to get onboard with the fun of fatherhood.

mathanxiety Mon 19-Aug-19 02:38:28

he just said he's been waiting 2 years for his friend to have a child at the same time with him and now they can do things together with the kids.

But that's not really an answer to the question, is it?

Why didn't he rush home with flowers for you so he could celebrate the future playdates with you too?

It's almost a case of bros before hos here. Why is he more excited about doing things together with his friend and the kids than doing things with his own kids or with you and the kids? You're not his baby machine, providing toys for him to play with with his pal.

Rezie Mon 19-Aug-19 07:05:39

I can kinda understand having a pure joyous reaction to friends pregnancy. You dont have the worries co cernong the be us health, your own life changing and finances. But his underwhelming reaction to his own children is such a huge contrast to his reaction to the friend. That's quite messed up.

GrouchoMrx Mon 19-Aug-19 07:34:11

Did he want children? Did you discuss it beforehand?

Sandybval Mon 19-Aug-19 07:36:31

I agree with @Skittlenommer

Takemebacktolondon Mon 19-Aug-19 07:37:25

That does sound an over the top reaction especially considering how he is with you. I would be hurt too.

AmIThough Mon 19-Aug-19 07:52:15

I do get it. I think having a child changes your life and affects your social life, so it's really lovely to think they can bring their kids up together. It'll make him feel like he's not losing his friends for the sake of his family.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 19-Aug-19 08:18:57

I can see where he's coming from. Someone else's baby is pure excitement and happiness, you don't have any of the worries or fears usually. Someone else's pregnancy at the same time as you means you have someone in your friend set who will be going through similar things, who will also change their life, so you won't be completely excluded. I cannot wait to have babies with my fiancé; we're going to TTC next year, but I'd find it so much easier and more exciting if I had a friend who was pregnant then too. In reality; they've all had their babies already, and are starting to enjoy being past the dependent stage as their kids go to secondary school. He has the same but opposite.

Unless you have real fears that he isn't happy about this baby and he isn't giving 100%, I'd write this off as being a cute overreaction. He's only so happy because you are pregnant too!

R44Me Mon 19-Aug-19 08:21:05

He could be in for a rude awakening about socialising with his friend after baby is born. Babies take over your life. Make sure he is doing his share.

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