For her to judge the way I spend my money?

[TheMessyCleaner]

Today I've been cleaning to earn some extra money alongside my day job. My friend is a single mum, same as me, with various income streams, none declared. She gets housing benefit, universal credit and free hours for her son at nursery. I am a home owner so I don't get anything and on a whopping £20,000 a year I don't get free nursery hours for my son.
I've never said that she should work. I've kept my mouth shut when she's told me that she'll get a job after the summer is over so that she doesn't miss out on sunbathing time. I've never said that she shouldn't let her son watch hours of television whilst she charges people for eyelash extensions and spray tans that she does in her spare room.
However today when I told her what I was doing and why (because I'm in £2000 of debt due to my stupid ex) she told me that I need to budget better and that I spoil my children. 'They don't need all those toys, you need to learn that less is more.'
I was stunned as I don't tell her how to spend her money. I work so so hard and my children are the one thing in my life that make everything worthwhile, and they have to deal with being in nursery a lot whilst I work. Everything I have goes to trying to keep them in our lovely house, to take them on holiday once a year and on fun days out. I never have nights out, I don't have my hair, nails or have expensive tattoos. I just live to give them the best.
I just don't know how to move on from this, I feel like we are too different. I am a degree educated cleaner who would rather scrub people's toilets rather than claim anything. Why does it feel like everything I was taught is wrong? How can I have worked hard all my life yet be so broke and she can send her son to nursery whilst she has a day in a spa? I know this might sound judgemental but her disposable income is four times what mine is due to her not officially earning anything! It doesn't seem fair.

[NameChangedForTheDay]

She's a CF and if it were me, I would tell her a few home truths in return.

[YouOkHunz]

Report her for benefit fraud! Never understand people that dont do this. Take photos of the set up in her home and the business she is running then report the fuck out of her. Cheeky bitch.

[Weebitawks]

Umm how old is your son? You have to be on £100,000 plus for a 3 year old not to get 30 hours nursery

[Freesunglasses]

This drives me mad. Cousins daughter had a baby 3 year ago and hasn't worked since. she puts on Facebook how she's just dropped daughter off at nursery now time to chill, I think get a bloody job you lazy mare! The benefit system is fucked!

[YouOkHunz]

I'm guessing her son is not yet 3. You can get free hours from age 2 if you're on benefits I think is what the OP is talking about.

[daisypond]

Why don’t you get free nursery hours?

[TheMessyCleaner]

My son is only two, my daughter gets them. She's starting school this year.

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

You're (if you'd rather think of it this way, your children are) entitled to universal credit.

Please tell me you are claiming it. No need to be "proud". Your children deserve it.

Your mate sounds like a knob. Wouldn't bother with her in future regardless of what she does or doesn't do. She's rude, so that would be enough for me to say "see ya" wouldn'twannabeya.

[Ilikewinter]

Yep agree, report her for benefit fraud and find a new group of friends!

[TheMessyCleaner]

I don't think I'm entitled, I get child tax credit but only the childcare element as ex still supporting financially (£200 per month)

[DarlingNikita]

Please start claiming your universal credit.

Then I'd tell her she can mind her own business about your kids, without getting into what you think about her.

Then report her for fraud.

[EmeraldShamrock]

She is a C.F.
Some people can't see beyond their nose when it comes to themself.
Good for you taking on extra work to reduce your debt, check for extra entitlements. Goodluck.

[EmeraldShamrock]

Btw love your username. I am the ultimate messy cleaner.

[user1473878824]

Report her. What she’s doing is illegal.

[AwdBovril]

Report her. I don't understand the attitude of not wanting to report because "it doesn't affect you". It affects everyone.

DH & I live mostly on benefits. And if someone suspected DH & I of cheating the system, I'd expect them to report us too.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I though child support had no bearing on what benefits you are entitled to? I really think you should check OP. £20k for 2 kids is not a lot.

[NameChangerAmI]

I'd report her and tell her a few home truths, then distance myself from her. Can't stand people doing what she's doing, even less so when they brag about it and tell honest, hard working people how to live their lives.

Please hold your head up high and be proud of yourself, and your children will be too.

I know someone who sounds rather like your friend, but without the working on the side bit. She actually had another baby in order to be able to pack in a job that she'd done for roughly 6 months and hated.

Can't imagine what she'll do when the child goes to school - she can hardly have a 6 th child!

[TheMessyCleaner]

On the one hand I don't have a problem with what she's doing as I think that it's wrong the way the government force people to work and pay tax when they want to stay home and be with their kids. But that's not what she's doing. I spend a lot of time with her ds (I look after him when she's out sometimes) and he has a speech delay due to not being spoken to and listened too enough.
I know kids don't need loads of toys but I think they benefit from being surrounded by books and stimulating role play type activities and someone to engage them. Her ds needs to be quiet and absorbed in something so he doesn't disturb the clients which just isn't toddler nature!
The situation which brought this up was my ds broke his leg last week so I was on my way to pick up some second hand octonaughts toys from marketplace. It's not like I bought half of Hamleys!

[Rachelover40]

Your friend was quite outrageous speaking to you like that. I wonder if she just said it off the top of her head, without thinking. Some people have no filter and are tactless. In your place I would be upset too but I would probably distance myself from her.

Regarding her doing eyelashes and tans in her spare room, people on benefit are allowed to earn a little money without losing any benefit. I don't suppose she works regularly.

You sound as though you are doing a good job with your children and home, op. Your finances will improve eventually.

[ThanosSavedMe]

I would be a little less available to look after her son if I were you. But then again, I’m a bitch!

[Engoltheharpy]

Just tell her the payoff for your hard work is worth it to you as you like to provide your children with a comfortable home and educational toys along with showing them a good work ethic.

[MockneyReject]

On U/C, you can claim back 80% of your childcare costs, as long as you're using Ofsted registered child care. Maintenance shouldn't be taken in to account.
You might actually find you're better off on Universal Credit.
It might be worth you getting a 'benefits health check' CAB offers this. Or use 'Entitled to' online.

(Your 'friend' won't be won't be getting Housing Benefit AND Universal Credit, though).

[katsucurry]

@themessycleaner Child Tax Credits does not take child maintenance into account. There's not even a box to declare it on the claim form? I'd check you're getting your full entitlement if I were you. If you're declaring an extra £200 per month you're not getting the correct amount.

The threshold with two children is approx. £33,000 per year.

[TheMessyCleaner]

@katsucurry thank you, I've not looked into it all properly as the split was really recent (last month.)

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I hope you are entitled to some money then OP, to make your life a little easier.