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To be pissed off at DH going on about being tired?

(178 Posts)
wediblinozzz Wed 14-Aug-19 20:45:24

We have a nearly 6 month old DS who hasn’t been sleeping well over the last few weeks. He’s never slept through but has recently been waking up a lot more often.

DH works Monday to Friday and I’m on maternity leave so I get up with DS during the week... except I also get up with him at the weekend, which means I haven’t had an uninterrupted night’s sleep for 6 months.

What really gets to me is that despite sleeping from approx 11pm-7am every weekday (and longer at weekends) not a day goes by when DH mentions how tired he is. I understand a full day at work is tiring, but so is 24 hours a day with a small child, with the odd 3-4 stretch of sleep he allows me.

I just exploded when I was doing the washing up and he complained yet again how exhausted he was & that it felt like the week was dragging. His job is not high-pressured and he often comments about how little dress there is compared to his last job. So I think he’s got it pretty good - a decent job working 9-5, not too stressful, 8 hours sleep every night and a happy little boy & a wife who never complains to come home to.

AIBU to feel completely fed up and unsympathetic to his ‘exhaustion’?

herculepoirot2 Wed 14-Aug-19 20:50:05

I would tell him you were going to look very closely at his diet: more roughage, less sugar, less alcohol. He is getting plenty of sleep and has a relatively nice job, so it must be to do with what he is putting into his body 🤷🏻‍♀️ More cabbage.

misskatamari Wed 14-Aug-19 20:50:49

It's tough, as he no doubt is tired. But there's tired and then the utter exhaustion of having not had a full nights sleep in a very very long time (ugh 5 years waaaaaaaah). You have my sympathies.

Can dh take over a bit more at the weekends? Do you get a lie in at least?

Tiredness can become a bit competitive when you have young kids, and it's not a healthy habit to get into. Can you have a chat with him about ways he can help lessen the burden on you a bit? I know you're on mat leave, so expect to do more of the night wakings etc, but you need to look after your son every day, all day, it's not like you've got it easy.

gamerchick Wed 14-Aug-19 20:53:42

Tell him he's doing this weekend so you can sleep and if he doesnt stop whinging about being tired he can do every weekend. Why on earth hasn't he done this already though?

LargeGlassofWhiteWine Wed 14-Aug-19 20:56:57

YANBU, if my DP was going on like that I would have exploded at him long before the 6 month mark. I have a 4 month old, I'm on mat leave and DP works M-F 9-5. Our arrangement is Sat-Thurs nights I'm on duty with DD, Friday nights and Sat mornings it's all him. I get a chance to have some down time in the evening, get a decent nights sleep and a lie in to recharge my batteries because, as we all know, having a baby is bloody hard work. I think you should have a chat with your DH about how tired you are and change your setup so you get some downtime and rest too, hes got to realise you need it and you deserve it.

wediblinozzz Wed 14-Aug-19 20:59:25

He has actually started to eat more healthily and cut down on alcohol as he’s trying to lose a bit of weight - maybe the calorie withdrawal is tiring him out??

No, I don’t lie in at the weekend because he needs to lie in after a long, tiring week at work hmm
This is definitely something I need to address. I feel like checking in to the local Premier Inn and leaving him to deal with the 11.30, 2am, 4am & 6.30am wake up calls, but I’d miss DS too much and probably wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway

Skittlenommer Wed 14-Aug-19 21:01:39

Did you chat about this kind of thing before TTC? Was anything agreed and he’s just not stuck to it?

Merryoldgoat Wed 14-Aug-19 21:02:56

There is zero reason he can’t do some of the overnight parenting. My DH shared lots of the nights even when I was on mat leave.

He needs to do more. A lot more.

letsjog Wed 14-Aug-19 21:04:26

@wediblinozzz I'd be changing the weekend routine for a start!

He can stay in bed Saturday morning and you Sunday (or whichever days suit). You both work, unless he considers being on call 24/7 and not having a night off in 6 months not doing anything.

You need your rest too and do let him know if he disturbs/wakes you on your morning off to ask you an inane question or because DS is crying/not settling you will bite his head off.

letsjog Wed 14-Aug-19 21:06:09

Oh and also my DP works in a highly stressful job which can be anything from 8-5 to 7-7 through the week and he still got up with our DCs if they were having a bad night. Also always took turns at weekends and sometimes he even let me have both mornings in bed if I had bad nights.

Elllicam Wed 14-Aug-19 21:06:11

Yanbu at all. I have an 8 month old who my (generally lovely) husband has never fed once overnight. I am so tired. He also mentions being tired a lot.

Kungfupanda67 Wed 14-Aug-19 21:07:40

I don’t think anyone in real life discusses stuff like who will get a lie in on Saturday before they start trying to conceive 🤦‍♀️

I have the same conversation with my husband regularly. I get up overnight with the baby and the toddler (and the oldest if he has a nightmare, which has been happening regularly recently). I get up before 6 most days with at least one of the kids. I haven’t had a full night sleep for about 3 years (with the exception of a couple of nights when they’ve been away overnight).
My husband is off work this week and he’s been very busy resting 😑

SarahAndQuack Wed 14-Aug-19 21:08:34


He's leaving you to wake up with a 6 month baby on the weekends and complaining he's tired?

Lazy fucker!

If you are BF it may well be you still need to do a lot of the nights just for simplicity, but he could and should be making sure you get some good long naps and lie ins as and when you can. If he's working a non-stressful job, it should be perfectly fine for him to get in after work and take the baby for an hour at the least. Maybe get into a routine where he comes in, gets a cup of tea and takes the baby for a bath/a walk?

HattieHu Wed 14-Aug-19 21:09:29

Maybe he has low Vit D

AryaStarkWolf Wed 14-Aug-19 21:10:59

Yanbu for being annoyed but Yakubu for not taking atleast 1 of the weekend nights for yourself

GummyGoddess Wed 14-Aug-19 21:12:12

When mine complains about tiredness I'd cheerfully suffocate him with his pillow. He is no longer allowed to mention his sleep state, I never mention mine.

GummyGoddess Wed 14-Aug-19 21:14:28

Also, either he admits looking after a baby is harder than the office and therefore you need a lay in, or he admits that looking after a baby is so easy that he doesn't mind doing it while you have a lay in.

wediblinozzz Wed 14-Aug-19 21:18:17

We did discuss things before TTC but didn’t come to any sort of formal arrangement about who did what at weekends, in hindsight we probably should have.

I did have a chat with him a few weeks ago while we were on a short holiday but he seems to have forgotten about it. I put DS down for an afternoon nap and took the opportunity to read a book I’d been trying to read since starting maternity leave. I fell asleep, DH was on Twitter or something. 10 mins later DH plonks a wide awake DS on my lap.

Me: “What are you doing?”
DH: “DS is awake.”
Me: “Can’t you deal with him and let me have at least a half an hour rest?”
DH: “I thought you’d want to see him.”
Me: “Not when I’m asleep.”

As you can imagine, the rest of the holiday was not particularly relaxing for either of us

gamerchick Wed 14-Aug-19 21:20:40

Book that night away OP. Yes you'll miss the bairn but he needs a pointy toe up the arse your bloke does. hmm

wediblinozzz Wed 14-Aug-19 21:22:41

@GummyGoddess I like your thinking! Childcare is obviously such a breeze, I’m sure doing a bit more of it won’t do him any harm 😉

wediblinozzz Wed 14-Aug-19 21:24:07

@gamerchick I think I might love you a little bit for that comment 😘

SarahAndQuack Wed 14-Aug-19 21:24:08

@gummygoddess is a genius.

And sorry, OP, but he sounds inconsiderate at best. It's really not on to guilt trip you like that, by implying you don't want to see your child. Can you not point out to him that seeing your baby 24/7 is a bit of a busman's holiday?! I'm sure the baby is delightful, but FFS. No one wants waking up 10 minutes after they dozed off, do they?

Wake him up at 3.30am when DS has done an especially liquid and urgent poo and tell him you thought he'd love to see his son.

Auntpetunia2015 Wed 14-Aug-19 21:25:25

Oh my word. That holiday exchange would have tipped me over the edge. What did you say to him. I’d have been saying “well seeing as I see him all day every day and night I thought you’d like a go ..!”

user1493413286 Wed 14-Aug-19 21:29:18

He should be sharing everything at the weekend! My DH isn’t always the most helpful and I do end up doing more of the childcare but I’ve always made sure that me and DH are both getting lie ins at the weekend and when DD was up in the night I’d get both weekend mornings, I called it catching up on my sleep as it wasn’t a lie in which sounds relaxing, it was essential.

MarshaBradyo Wed 14-Aug-19 21:29:48

My god waking you when you’re napping what was he thinking

You need to have one day for a lie in on the weekend

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