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Ignorant sister and Brother in law

(130 Posts)
bagpuss90 Wed 14-Aug-19 10:37:34

I’ve posted on here about my SIL before. Anyway on Saturday her and my BIW were invited to mine for a BBQ I don’t live with my partner as yet -but I’m calling them in laws for convenience. Anyway my partner and I spent time preparing food -marinades etc. They rock up and say they’re not hungry cos the they stopped for bloody fish and chips . BIW claimed not to know it was a BBQ . But I’d had several texts even mentioning the word BBQ going back and forth with her , one even asking if there was anything they didn’t bloody eat! She replied no. Partner I think was more than embarrassed . I fumed for the rest of the day. I really want to message her telling her what I think of her pig ignorant behaviour. I could give him the benefit of the doubt -maybe she didn’t tell him him we were eating. He did look embarrassed .But her? No way .

newmomof1 Wed 14-Aug-19 10:44:07

I feel like you're massively overreacting.
Were they the only people you invited? If so, I don't know why you even bothered to make such an effort...

AmIRightOrAMeringue Wed 14-Aug-19 10:49:57

I dont think it's worth it. And you have lots of yummy bbq food. If they genuinely forgot, or were trying to wind you up, saying something wont achieve anything.

Either just invite them for drinks next time or check with them before - say last time I cooked for us you ate on the way, will you definitely be eating with us this time before we start to prepare food as it was sham before there was so much wasted'.

CruellaFeinberg Wed 14-Aug-19 10:51:02


I hope you just did the bbq for yourself then?

bagpuss90 Wed 14-Aug-19 10:52:33

If they’d been loads of us -I wouldn’t have given a toss but there were just the four of us . Also it’s just another example of her ignorant behaviour

AngelasAshes Wed 14-Aug-19 10:54:33

So what? Maybe they don’t like your cooking.
Just save the extra food for lunches.

ZoeWashburne Wed 14-Aug-19 10:56:17

Not to Inigo Montoya, but with “ignorant” you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means...

DerelictWreck Wed 14-Aug-19 10:56:21

What's a BIW?

Ofc it's rude to stop for food on the way to a meal at someone's house!

bagpuss90 Wed 14-Aug-19 10:57:01

Well if they don’t like my cooking -she should have declined the the invite

bagpuss90 Wed 14-Aug-19 10:58:25

Sorry it’s meant to be BIL 🙄

user1480880826 Wed 14-Aug-19 10:58:27

I would be annoyed too. You’ve spent time and money preparing a meal for people who chose to eat on their way over. It’s very rude of them, especially as you say they were definitely aware that you were cooking.

However, I wouldn’t bother mentioning it. It won’t achieve anything. Just don’t invite them over for food again any time soon.

AngelasAshes Wed 14-Aug-19 10:59:00

Or maybe you can take a hint and just enjoy their company.

Blueuggboots Wed 14-Aug-19 10:59:05

Unless there is a huge back story, you're massively over reacting.
Don't invite them again?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Wed 14-Aug-19 10:59:45

I really want to message her telling her what I think of her pig ignorant behaviour.

No. Just, no. Let your partner deal with his family.

Singlenotsingle Wed 14-Aug-19 11:00:08

It's a bit odd to have a BBQ and only invite two people. I expect they were expecting lots of people there to eat the food and it wouldn't matter if they'd already eaten. A breakdown in communication I would say.

SweetAsSpice Wed 14-Aug-19 11:00:45

No it’s rude. People saying otherwise are being ridiculous. If you’ve invited someone over specifically for food and they turned up having already eaten, of course it is. You’ve spent time and money preparing.

But now you know. Don’t bother saying anything, will likely fall on deaf ears. Next time serve a bowl of crisps. Actions speak louder than words.

DoIjusthavetoputupwithit Wed 14-Aug-19 11:01:34

I would have put the food back in the fridge (invite friends round next day?) and not BBQed a thing.

Thatsalovelycuppatea Wed 14-Aug-19 11:03:23

Sounds like my family. They know we are happy to cook them dinner, but will use every excuse under the sun because it's not what they would choose.

shumway Wed 14-Aug-19 11:03:27

They were rude and I would be annoyed if I was you.

bagpuss90 Wed 14-Aug-19 11:04:12

She knew it was just the four of us. We only decided a bbq cos we wanted to make the most of a rare sunny day

rookiemere Wed 14-Aug-19 11:08:08

Definitely rude and I'd have been annoyed. Perhaps she is someone who is fussy about food - I must admit that I'm a bit of a food snob about poor quality sausages or burgers, not that I'm implying that's what you had. However in that case they should either have offered to bring food, or suggested drinks only and couched it with wanting to save you any bother.

MereDintofPandiculation Wed 14-Aug-19 11:09:06

but with “ignorant” you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means... It has two meanings, 1) no knowing about something, uneducated 2) by extension, not knowing the polite way to behave, hence rude. The second meaning seems to be exactly what Bagpuss is trying to convey.

MereDintofPandiculation Wed 14-Aug-19 11:11:17

It's a bit odd to have a BBQ and only invite two people. Why? Is it any more odd than inviting two people round to dinner? Is there a set number of guests below which you're not allowed to offer anything other than coffee and biscuits?

Cassilis Wed 14-Aug-19 11:11:45

Very rude but easily dealt with by never inviting them again.

Toastedstrudel Wed 14-Aug-19 11:15:34

It comes across that you don’t like SIL very much. Why is this all her fault? Needs more backstory.

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