White lie has ruined everything(239 Posts)
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So DP met a friend who he hasn't seen in 3 years today, an hour from our house. As a result I made a point of saying "please make sure you only drink 2 beers since you're driving" to which he promised.
He was with his friend 3.5 hours and said he had 2 and a half beers. I was miffed it was over 2, disliked it but let it go.
Then when I got home from work I saw the transactions on his home screen (Apple Pay) and the amounts didn't make sense (especially when you do rounds). Whenever I have a doubt about anything he says, from a story in the news, to something he's telling me he goes above and beyond to prove he's right, does it with anyone. This time he refused to prove about the amount he drink, which was easily disprovable based on his story and the pub's website.
He swore on his mum dying that he had only had 2 and a half. I started to drop it but then part of the story didn't add up. He then said he had 3, it's ridiculous I'm being funny over half a pint and that he technically didn't lie because he did have 2 and a half (and the rest). This felt so manipulative as I did specify saying only 2 and a half.
He's now gone down quite an emotionally manipulative route "break up with me" "I don't want to be in this relationship". Which hasn't really upset me because I'm so angry he lied. If he had just been honest I wouldn't have minded except to say how wrong he is for drink driving.
My concern is now I don't even know the truth, as when I then said "so you've ONLY had 3 beers in terms of alcohol today" he went quiet refusing to answer.
He also said I don't have proof he said he only had 2 and a half.
Am I being really pathetic here?
I know it will be easy to say "this has no future, leave him" but I'm really interested in some constructive advice on dealing with a liar. I can't help think he's lied about other things.
Something similar to do with lying happened at the very beginning of the relationship but I let it go but has always left me with some anxiety.
This is crazy. Maybe you’re caring too much about half a pint!?
He’s a grown man he can drink what he likes without justifying it to you especially when your arguing over 2-3 pints. If you worried about him drink driving then that’s his problem.
I wouldn't be with a person who played games like this.
You seem more upset about him not adhering to your arbitrary demands, rather than the drink driving.
Why did you decide that two pints was acceptable?
he's a prat if he's drinking and driving, it's not on. this however sounds stupid 'break up with me' ?? how old are you two ?
Why do you need to be in charge of how much he drinks? He’s a grown man he should know if he’s driving when to stop?
So did you actively go to check up on his payments?
It does seem like an overreaction on your part but he also seems like he’s playing games. Based on this one interaction you don’t sound good for each other but it’s impossible to say from just one exchange/altercation!
He sounds very childish. And he swore on his mother’s life?? About beers??
Yeah, leave him.
The checking up on him lying about how much he drank, and all this quibbling over half pints is not the point. The point is why would you want to be with a man who needs 'reminding' not to drive over the limit (2 pints is too much, never mind 2.5) and who regularly lies to you and is belligerent about proving himself right? He sounds like a twat.
I am surprised you are concerned only about the lie and not that he drove after drinking😮
Two separate issues:
1) I’d tell you to get lost if you were so controlling about my drinking. It’s one thing to say ‘please don’t get wasted as we’ve got ‘X’ the next day’ but to start all that crap over half a pint? Not a chance.
2) You say he’s a liar - if he lies all the time you can’t trust him therefore what’s the point?
It's not the beer it's the lying and obfuscation. They aren't good character traits and you'd be right to never trust someone who behaves like this. I'm talking from experience.
Sorry - I’ve just realised he was driving? If you need to tell someone not to drink and drive then they’re an idiot. I wouldn’t be with someone who did thar.
not sure i believe people are this stupid tbh.
I think there is something massively wrong with your relationship when you need to check up on him (checking his Apple transactions and the pub’s website is very ott) in the first place. I have no time for drink drivers but you sound really controlling and both of you immature.
Liars lie. They dont stop lying. They lie about everything. Small things, big things, insignificant things, very significant things. You can’t tell when theyre lying, apart from they’re speaking, as they are always lying and even might believe their lies. Liars lie. And they try to make you doubt yourself. Don't waste your time.
I wouldnt stay with someone who thought drink driving was acceptable.
He’s an adult, he doesn’t have to allow you to dictate what he eats and drinks. Analysing the bill and holding a court martial!
Tbh the drink driving would be the deal breaker for me.
You're not his mum. He's a grown man. If he decides to do something illegal that's down to him.
I'd be more than annoyed to live with someone who treated me like a child and told me what to do.
Tbh it would make me want to do the opposite. He doesn't need to prove anything to you but if you're unhappy with his behaviour - leave.
YANBU. You reminded him he was driving but he drank enough to be over the limit - he could have killed or injured himself or someone else.
Not really sure about your AIBU but for me anything over 1 pint (drunk slowly over an hour or two) is drink driving to me.
Are you saying you're pissed off that he might have had 3 pints instead if 2.5 and then driven home? That is way over the limit and is a different AIBU altogether...
Your 'D'P is happy to drink drive.
Happy to risk the lives of others for an extra pint or two.
Happy to lie to you, repeatedly.
Happy to make you feel like you have to police his movements so he doesn't do law-breaking, selfish & downright stupid things (drive for an hour under the influence of alcohol).
Does he make you happy?
He seems to skip through life not giving a shit, but how does he make your life better?
I have no time for anyone who drinks and drives. My uncle & cousin were both killed by a drink driver. I wouldn’t care if it was 2, 2.5 or 3 pints. I’d worry that he was drinking and driving. Full stop.
Is drink-driving something you've had words over before? Does he do it a lot? Otherwise, the micromanagement of his beer consumption and checking his Apple pay seems a bit weird. But if he's got past form for getting in the driving seat while pissed, that does perhaps change things.
I'll be honest. I wouldn't want to be with someone who had to be reminded to stick to the drink-drive limit. It's something I'd expect any adult to do automatically. But I wouldn't want to be with someone who went through my Apple pay records, either.
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