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Not sure I can help selfish MIL with her dog and I love dogs.

(119 Posts)
Whatjusthappenedthere Tue 13-Aug-19 06:39:10

It’s early , I’m tired and don’t want to come across as a total cow but I am so cross right now as I’ve been up / snoozing with the dog all night.
Background. Mil bought an expensive puppy ( relevant ) 10 months ago behind FILS back. Just turned up at home with him without discussion.
FIL would have said no. Four years ago FIL insisted she re homed two young dogs bought under exactly the same circumstances.

FIL is being driven mad by the young dog now. He’s still a puppy and has way more energy than two 70 plus year olds can handle. In a few weeks FIL is having a hip op and has concerns about looking after the pup / tripping over him post op, which if fair enough.

MIL has clearly lost interest in the poor little thing and would re home him in a shot if she could sell him for what she paid ( over 1000 pounds). I’m pretty appalled by this . I appreciate she can’t just give him away without some kind of assurance he’s going somewhere suitable but she could use a proper rescue service who will re home him properly. After all MIL has already proved anyone can buy a dog.

Anyhow, things reached a head in their home so my DH offered to have the dog for respite / see if he can settle with us. We have looked after him before but our own dogs who are normally good natured will not tolerate him. This time, DH decided we just have to introduce MILs dog and work through the hard times until he settles.

I’m not even sure if FIL will take him back after the op if I’m honest so I’m really looking at this long term problem to be resolved.

For info, I work long hours full time. DH is home most of the time due to his shift patterns. On the few days a month both of us are out all day, our dogs go to a professional dog sitter.

I am knackered most of the time but had three days off this week to spend with my children who have been away for quite some time. DH thought this the perfect time to re introduce the dog to our house again. Which has also made me a bit cross.

It hasn’t gone well. My jet lagged children have been kept awake most of the night. Our dogs are clearly upset by his presence and all 3 dogs have been barking just about since he arrived yesterday.

I appreciate DH wants to help his parents buts it been me up since 3am keeping the pup company so my children can sleep. Of course this means DH has also been sleeping like a baby too and that’s grating on me now.

I know I am also probably tangling the two issues but last year my own Dad died. I spent his last months sleeping in his living room at night so he wasn’t alone. DH didn’t get involved in his care at all which was fine as my Dad would have hated that anyway. It was my duty to care for my Dad and I didn’t mind. But, it’s not my duty to look after this dog while FIL gets better. MIL has created this mess and should re home this little fellow ( he’s lovely by the way, I didn’t mention that before) without thinking about the money.

The only reason I’m even in this situation is because of the dog, not MIL or FIL which makes me feel like a first class cow.

Can’t even remember what my AIBU is now? But along the lines of do I persevere with this dog knowing it’s basically already ruined a rare three days off work with my children, my own dogs are upset, and going to have grumpy as hell teens all day because they will not have my full attention which they deserve.... and DH has slept all night and will again tonight!

I just don’t think it’s going to work.

ThomasRichard Tue 13-Aug-19 06:42:54

YANBU. Not your circus, not your puppy monkeys. It’s not fair on you, the DC or your existing dogs.

PenelopeFlintstone Tue 13-Aug-19 06:43:26

Would you be able to hear him from the utility room or garage, if you have one?

Chitarra Tue 13-Aug-19 06:44:19

Why have you been up with the pup since 3am while DH sleeps? You should have woken him and let him deal with it!

YANBU - this is MIL and FIL's problem (and DH's if he chooses to get involved). Not yours.

AJPTaylor Tue 13-Aug-19 06:46:22

Find an appropriate rescue for him.

Mermaidoutofwater Tue 13-Aug-19 06:46:28

Wake up your DH and tell him it’s his turn to mind the puppy. He had taken on the responsibility, not you.

WhatchaMaCalllit Tue 13-Aug-19 06:46:56

Bring the pup to Dogs Trust (on behalf of your MiL). They will find a suitable home for the pup.

It's not working out for you, your DH, your kids and I would seriously doubt that the in-laws would take back a pup that may or may not have settled with your own dogs. That would disrupt the pup again.
MiL sucks up the cost and you all move on.
That would be my advice.

Whatjusthappenedthere Tue 13-Aug-19 06:49:50

We can hear all 3 dogs from every part of the house. The garage is detached and I just wouldn’t do that.
DH stayed up ( as he always does anyway) until mid night. We then had 3 hours of chaos as the dogs barked, the children banged about their rooms in a huff . At 3 am my daughter was clearly getting upset so we put our dogs in with her ( they are not normally allowed to sleep in the bedrooms ) and I came down stairs with the pup. So long as he had company he was quiet. Still is napping.

user1474894224 Tue 13-Aug-19 06:53:16

I think this is a stressful time. You don't really want another dog and feel it's being put on you. But you are also tired and a little stressed that DH is spoiling your few days off. -- as you love your husband and want to support him....could you and kids go out for a lovely day out today, stay overnight in a hotel and have another day out tomorrow....this leaving husband to deal with the dogs, give them time to settle and give you a good night's sleep before coming back refreshed.

Having a dog to walk will really help fils recovery from the hip op. If that's something he enjoys doing.

Alternatively is there such a thing as a dog fostering service they could board the puppy with for a month or so?

Blondebakingmumma Tue 13-Aug-19 06:53:54

I agree with pp. wake DH up tell him to deal with the pup

stayathomer Tue 13-Aug-19 06:55:24

Can you have a chat with mil when you're a bit, um, less tired? You can't rehome it as it's not your dog. I feel sorry for it, it's stuck in the middle here. This poor dog needs to be rehomed to someone who'll love and look after him, but it's easy to see you don't like your mil and from your phrasing of the problem the two of you will clash. There's also the chance that if it was trained etc it would make a good dog for your ils, was you said it's only a puppy but no, you don't sound in the right place to help so y o u need to tell them all that ( just maybe try and take deep breaths as you do OP). Hope you get some sleep soon OP

Horehound Tue 13-Aug-19 06:58:19

Night 1? I'd maybe give it a week for the dogs to settle together.

Your MIL is an irresponsible idiot

SummerInTheVillage Tue 13-Aug-19 06:58:43

Just get rid of it. Your DH is a selfish bastard.

Treesinaforest Tue 13-Aug-19 07:02:23

Wake up your husband! That is totally not on, and tell him he can puppy sit tonight. I'm raging on your behalf.

And tell him to tell your pil that the pup can't stay. It's not your problem.

Teacakeandalatte Tue 13-Aug-19 07:02:42

Any chance of getting the pup into a kennels for the week? I know its last minute. So he doesn't spoil the rest of the time with dc.

DarklyDreamingDexter Tue 13-Aug-19 07:04:11

Let your DH stay up all night with the puppy and see how long it takes him to have a serious word with MIL about rehoming the dog. While you are facilitating this, there's no vested interest for either of them to do anything about solving the problem.

Jemima232 Tue 13-Aug-19 07:04:44

Did you and DH have a plan for what would happen if the puppy needed attention at night?

It doesn't sound like DH is pulling his weight.

I agree with PP that you should seriously consider taking the puppy to be rehomed.

MIL loses the money. Too Bad. She sounds very thoughtless.

Good luck OP.

Fatted Tue 13-Aug-19 07:05:48

I'd have sent DH down with the dog. It's not the dogs fault. It's your DH and their inconsiderate family who are the problem.

NoSauce Tue 13-Aug-19 07:06:25

Just get rid of it. Your DH is a selfish bastard

Just get rid of it? How utterly disgusting. What do you propose? Bin bag full of rocks?

OP your DH is trying to do the right thing here but it isn’t fair on his family. You didn’t want another dog. He has to speak to his mum and try and encourage her to re home it with a breed rescue, they will make sure it goes to the best possible home.

BertrandRussell Tue 13-Aug-19 07:09:18

I don’t understand why it’s you up with the puppy.

StrongTea Tue 13-Aug-19 07:09:30

Typed a big reply and it vanished. Best bet is a home boarder, ask around. I had replacement hip surgery last week and although getting around fine no way can I walk my dogs till after 6week check up. Not fair on your dogs.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Tue 13-Aug-19 07:12:31

Off the dog goes back to MIL's...not your job..not your drama...her mess let her sort it and fast or you will be landed with the dog forever.Totally ridiculous situation you find yourself in through no fault of your own.Your FIL can sort out your MIL.

Bluetrews25 Tue 13-Aug-19 07:16:28

If she paid that much for the dog chances are it was from a reputable breeder, and they ALL want the dog back if the situation goes wrong. They will be able to find another home, and MIL might get a part refund, though she does not deserve anything other than scorn for her selfish actions.
How old is MIL? 6?

YeOldeTrout Tue 13-Aug-19 07:18:03

I could sleep in the living room if company was all the puppy needs. What breed is it, btw? I'll bet... French bulldog.

If puppy needs awake company all the time not to be miserable, how does a rescue manage that? Do they actually find volunteers willing to sit awake with a puppy all night?

frumpety Tue 13-Aug-19 07:18:33

What sort of dog is it ? There are a lot of breed specific rescues who might be able to help. It would mean your MIL not getting any money back but at least you would all know the puppy was going to a good home. Alternatively are there are any friends or family members who you know who are looking for a dog ?

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