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To have kicked off at in-laws?

(337 Posts)

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Xen20 Mon 12-Aug-19 16:12:18

I’m so pissed off. I’m in sick at the moment with stress, I hate my job. I can’t face going back to it.

DH has called me Brian for years. I always hated it but it was a stupid joke that never fucking went away so in the end I just ignored it. He did however, get his entire family to call me Brian too so obviously I just avoid socialising with them.

Yesterday I had to go as it was a child’s birthday. As I said I’m off with stress at the minute so a bit sensitive I suppose. We knocked on door and I head the kids shouting that Dave and Brian we’re here. I ignored it. Got inside, MIL said that some friends were coming over and she would have to introduce us. I said “well introduce me as Ayesha then”. She pulled a face and asked if I’d gotten out the wrong side of the bed. Friends arrive. MIL promptly introduces us as Dave and B ... Ayesha. She then adds “but everyone calls her Brian”.

She snapped and said this bullshit stops now. It’s gone on for too long and was never funny to begin with. Now DH and I are not talking as he said I made a scene at a child’s birthday. I give up.

Cheeserton Mon 12-Aug-19 16:15:05

You snapped, is that supposed to say? If so, YANBU, but perhaps it wasn't the time or place.

Wishihad Mon 12-Aug-19 16:20:34

Yabu. It wasnt the time or place.

To wait years then kick off at a party.

Why would you dh get them to call you something you dont like and why was your reaction to stop seeing them.

Years ago, you could have said 'no my name is' every time someone said it. Or said 'I know dh thinks it's funny but I really dont like that name.'

PhannyPharts Mon 12-Aug-19 16:26:17

You're not unreasonable to be annoyed but you didn't pick the best place and time to address it.

Why do they call you Brian anyway?

summersherewishiwasnt Mon 12-Aug-19 16:31:01

Why does your dh call you Brian? Does he think it’s affectionate? Yanbu. Why should you put up with being called a different name and a man’s name at that.

GooodMythicalMorning Mon 12-Aug-19 16:33:43

I think I'd be annoyed at that too.

lisbonholiday Mon 12-Aug-19 16:34:32

You shouldn't have snapped - it wasn't rude if they've always done it and you've allowed it. If you seriously want it to stop then you need to have a serious conversation (and apologise).

munemema Mon 12-Aug-19 16:34:50

As so many MIL issues are, this is a DH issue, not a MIL issue.

I understand you don't like it, but you should have sorted that out with DH years ago and he should have sorted it with his family. To spoil a child's birthday party is poor form, although I understand that we all sometimes just snap.

northernknickers Mon 12-Aug-19 16:36:01

Your DH is an idiot! Just stop answering him...every single time he calls you fucking Brian!!! What a cock! If he doesn't stop, call him Dickhead...and tell everyone to call him 'Dick' until he gets the message!!

As for his RIDICULOUS family!! Tell them that until they stop with this nonsense, and start calling you by YOUR NAME then you will no longer be seeing them 🤷‍♀️. Sorted! And mean it...don't go round, don't call, don't message, don't respond to anything...until they show some respect!

Idiots...the lot of them...why on Earth have you not put a stop to it?

dollydaydream114 Mon 12-Aug-19 16:42:17

He did however, get his entire family to call me Brian too so obviously I just avoid socialising with them.

So, rather than just ask your DH to stop this bollocks years ago, you dealt with this by just ... not seeing them them? Bloody hell.

This whole thing is weird but the weirdest thing of all is that you didn't just nip this in the bud at the start. YANBU to hate being called Brian (wtf?) but YABU to expect your DH's family to know this is a problem if you haven't told them, and YABU to choose a small child's party to suddenly bite their heads off over it.

Basically what I'm saying is that everyone involved in this batshit set-up is mad.

notupsettingpeople Mon 12-Aug-19 16:42:16

I don't know if YABU or not, however I'm guessing you will no longer be known as Brian, so hold onto that!!!
Plus you're off with stress. Maybe this added to the stress if you've hated it for years. It's out in the open, hopefully everyone will get on with it now. Your OH will come round. Try not to worry.

Singlenotsingle Mon 12-Aug-19 16:43:06

So disrespectful! (And that's not a word I like but it's the only one that fits). Rude, cruel, nasty - they fit too. By DH and MIL. I agree, not really the place to sound off, but it had to happen sooner or later. As a pp says, start calling DH Dick, short for Dickhead.

redexpat Mon 12-Aug-19 16:43:51

It sounds very much as if this was the final straw that broke the camel's back.

I would be asking why DH cares more about a child's birthday than your feelings, particularly when you are unable to work due to poor mh.

Was it the right time and place? No. Will they stop doing it? Heres hoping.

sackrifice Mon 12-Aug-19 16:44:10

I don't blame you. They all sound tedious as fuck.

MustStop Mon 12-Aug-19 16:47:13

So you ignore it for years and then kick off at a family event.
Stress or not you owe them all an apology, and grow a back bone. Why carry on accepting dh calling you something you don't like, and for years confused

BertrandRussell Mon 12-Aug-19 16:48:27

Does your mil know you don’t like it? Have you actually had a conversation about it? If she does and you have then she’s an arsehole. In any case your dp is an arsehole- is he vile in other ways too?

Cornishclio Mon 12-Aug-19 16:48:40

The lesson from this is don't ignore stuff you don't like. If your DH calls you a name you don't like (Brian ??) then tell him you won't answer to it and will call him out on it every time. So DH (or dickhead) my name is … as you well know so stop acting like a prat or a 4 year old child. .

NoBaggyPants Mon 12-Aug-19 16:48:43

You're not unreasonable to want to be called your proper name.

You are unreasonable to kick off at a family party. Apologise and explain you're not at your best at the moment, that the name has always annoyed you but you should have said something before. If you don't apologise they're just going to assume you're a massive drama queen.

diddl Mon 12-Aug-19 16:49:10

"Yesterday I had to go as it was a child’s birthday."

Said who?

I agree that it was the wrong time/place to say something though.

Jayaywhynot Mon 12-Aug-19 16:50:16

I get it! I'm called a shortened version of my name, always have been, even at school. (many moons ago!) Work, GP, Dentist etc all use the shortened version, its hyphenated. As iv got older people have started calling me by my full name, it sounds wrong, it's not me, it doesn't suit me. It's as irritating as hell. I tell people my name is the shortened version and if they persist in calling me by the longer name I just dont respond, tbf I can be one awkward bugger grin. However, a nickname like Brian, I'd have strangled your DH, I'm team you! Sometimes you have to make a scene to make your point, you haven't ruined a childs bday, personally I'd have enjoyed watching it as a guest, spiced it up a bit! Stick to your guns flowers

Myimaginarycathasfleas Mon 12-Aug-19 16:53:04

You've left it far too long to tell them you don't like it and a children's party was the wrong place to blow up about it, but apart from that I think YANBU. You need to come up with a nickname for your DH that he might not care for and use it in public at every opportunity. I'm sure MN could help!

Grumpelstilskin Mon 12-Aug-19 16:53:12

So, OP has to put up with rudeness by MIL and others because it is a child's birthday? Nope, she had every right to snap!

BertrandRussell Mon 12-Aug-19 16:54:21

“So, OP has to put up with rudeness by MIL and others because it is a child's birthday? ”

Actually, yes. Because that’s what grown ups do.

eddielizzard Mon 12-Aug-19 16:55:09

This whole dynamic is off. Why would your DH do something you hate for years and years? And why get his family in on it? This isn't a good relationship. I'm not surprised you finally snapped. No it wasn't the time or place, but it was a long time coming.

thecatinthetwat Mon 12-Aug-19 16:56:06

Get your DH to stop.

Then everyone else will follow suit and if they don't then correct them every time.

Its up to you what you want to be called, especially when its your own actual name.

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