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To have ordered a takeaway after promising to cook for guests?

(365 Posts)
HuniThos Wed 24-Jul-19 00:43:05

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and haven't really had visitors except for my parents and DP's mum. DP's father (lives 3 hours away) arranged with us to come down to ours with his wife (DP's stepmum) and their DD (16) to meet baby etc yesterday. On a whim I said "Oooh I'll cook us all a big roast." The morning before they arrived I went to Asda and spent quite a bit on ingredients and a big pudding for us all. But DD spent the rest of the day screaming and me and DP couldn't settle her and I was too stressed to cook. Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that. That set DD off again and I had to give her a feed to calm her down. After about an hour of passing baby around I went to take her up to bed. By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

I said "I'm sorry but I'm exhausted and can't cook. I'll order a takeaway." DP's dad exclaimed he'd been looking foward to the roast, knew I responded that I knew he'd driven a long way and we'd pay for the takeaway. We ordered stuff from the chicken shop and then all went to bed around half 12, with DP's family on the sofa. They left around lunch that morning and were getting food on the way home so didn't have breakfast or lunch with us. As soon as they left DP had a go at me about dinner, saying his dad was disappointed about the roast and that he told him felt I was being funny with him. He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook. We had quite a big row.

I didn't see it that way. I have a newborn FFS and he wouldn't help cook. And his family came to meet DD, not for the meal. We're not a bloody restaraunt ffs! AIBU to think DP is being a prick or was I really that rude?

RosaWaiting Wed 24-Jul-19 00:45:26

Well they all sound like a bunch of arses

Why didn’t they cook?

Bambamber Wed 24-Jul-19 00:45:30

He should have stopped his game and got off his arse and cooked. He is being a prick

SunnyForMe Wed 24-Jul-19 00:45:31

You were not at all unreasonable! They should have been grateful you had them round at all at a time like that. Don't feel guilty at all flowers

IAskTooManyQuestions Wed 24-Jul-19 00:45:33

Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

And at no time did you pull your DH up?

Purpleartichoke Wed 24-Jul-19 00:45:34

You have a 3 week old. You aren’t supposed to be doing anything but caring for a newborn and recovering. Anyone who expects you to make even a single meal is an assh*le of epic proportions.

IAskTooManyQuestions Wed 24-Jul-19 00:46:12

By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive.

So he didn't want to eat until 9pm ?

HuniThos Wed 24-Jul-19 00:47:03

IAskTooManyQuestions He is very close with his sister and doesn't see her often so I didn't want to force him away. In other circumstances I would have insisted.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil Wed 24-Jul-19 00:47:56

There are two words for your 'd'p in that situation- one is 'fuck' the other is 'off'.

If he thinks you came off as lazy for refusing to cook, does he not think he comes off as lazier for refusing to help? If his family were of that opinion when I had a three week old, I'd refuse to ever cook for them again on principle.

Cheek of him.

SgtFredColon Wed 24-Jul-19 00:48:46

Why didn’t he cook?

skybluee Wed 24-Jul-19 00:48:51

That's outrageous.
Nasty, even.

Why is it left to you to cook, not your DH? Is he incapable of turning the oven on!?

They should be happy you got them a nice meal, I'd be over the moon with that. I don't know what's wrong wiht people any more sad

HuniThos Wed 24-Jul-19 00:50:06

I don't know how much of it is complaints from his dad or just my partner being an arse for some reason.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 24-Jul-19 00:50:47

They sound like wankers, particularly your partner.

Pipandmum Wed 24-Jul-19 00:51:54

They should have said ‘don’t worry we’ll pick up a takeaway en route’! I can’t believe they expected you to have all day with a new born who was also acting up and then expected to be waited on!

hadthesnip2 Wed 24-Jul-19 00:51:56

A bit too late at 6.30pm to decide to cook dinner. Ever cooked a roast OP...?? Generally will take 1.5 - 2hrs depending on size of joint.

However.......3 weeks post partum your dp should be cooking dinner....not you.

MrsTommyBanks Wed 24-Jul-19 00:54:46

He is a fucking arsehole.
They all sound horrible tbh flowers

Cosentyx Wed 24-Jul-19 00:57:48

What a load of wankers! Your partner's a prick for expecting a 3-week postpartum woman to cook a fucking roast whilst he sat on his arse playing a fucking game. Twat.

WashingMyHair247 Wed 24-Jul-19 01:09:04

He could have asked his sister to help. Then they'd still be spending time together. Your DH is an arse.

ReanimatedSGB Wed 24-Jul-19 01:11:09

They got fed, so they have nothing to whine about. YANBU. And your DP is a lazy sod who needs telling to step up and do his share, you are not his servant.

NerrSnerr Wed 24-Jul-19 01:17:59

I agree. Your partner is an arse. If you're busy all day and evening with the baby is he waiting for you every night to cook tea or does he do his fair share?

If he is doing fuck all now, when the baby is tiny and you're exhausted it is only going to get worse.

NotMoneyRich Wed 24-Jul-19 01:18:32

What did he say when you asked him why he couldn't have cooked?

UterusUterusGhali Wed 24-Jul-19 01:20:47

Fuck. That. Shit.

They should have been cooking a roast for you fgs. At the very least your OH should have done everything.

I work with postnatal women and I see so many who are on their knees with visitors I either tell them to tell the visitors they're on bedrest on my advice or I'll say to the visitors themselves to look after the mum. They're not on bedrest of course, and the mum knows that, but honestly people are clueless and just need a waft of medical advice to stay away.

Tavannach Wed 24-Jul-19 01:22:01

That's not on.

3 week old baby - they should have been running round after you, not the other way round. Very rude of your FIL to suggest otherwise. They should either have brought something that they cooked, or ordered and paid for the takeaway.

loveforyesteryears Wed 24-Jul-19 01:22:18

Why could he have not cooked? He is an absolute tool.

TwistyTop Wed 24-Jul-19 01:24:58


Of course you aren't being unreasonable. What a ridiculous situation.

I really hope you don't feel guilty about this because they were all being rude and inconsiderate. I wouldn't have them over again.

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